My 92 year old mother was living on the farm alone and also driving until five months ago when we moved her into an independent living apartment. What triggered the move was that my mother developed psychotic episodes and became fearful of imagined things. Her family doctor was involved in the move discussion and the doctor advised us that it would be foolhardy to not make a change now.
As much as my three brothers and I tried to involve her in the decision and process over the move, she refused to engage in any discussions or planning. So the move happened admittedly against my mother's will.
Things are not going well and one of my brothers is suggesting we move her back to the farm. My mother spent most of her time in bed while she was living on the farm and does the same in the new apartment, only is fixated and angry about wanting to move back.
She has been to a neurologist and psychiatrist, been prescribed anti-psychotic medications which she refuses to take. And is even angrier now that we think she is "crazy".
I'm open to any thoughts or ideas....
If you leave her where she is, you will have a lot more help in navigating what comes next. The help will be professional help - which does not involve any of her adult children driving to the farm, taking food to the farm, dealing with mom wandering from the farm, calling you from the farm, the farm the farm the farm and someone has to fix it RIGHT NOW because she's mad - and so on. If you've never been through it before, you can't imagine it, and that's the truth.
Good luck with keeping her where others will assume much of the burden that you would otherwise have to bear.
Does she have the option of moving to assisted living? Some facilities provide independent care, assisted living and memory care services.
Has she appointed anyone with POA? How did you get her to move against her will? Many posters on this forum are unsuccessful in doing this. Please share your experience with us.
I would not move her back to the farm just because one of the children thinks it is a good idea. Let her adjust to no longer living on the farm.
You say that she had episodes where she imagined things. Was she ever tested for a UTI? They can cause erratic behavior in an elderly person.
Has she been tested for dementia?
Best wishes to you and your family.
What services does she get there?
Doesn't this still leave you with doing an awful lot of this?
My own father admitted to me in his early 90s he was totally exhausted with life and ready to go. He longed for the long long nap as he called it, and he had had a wonderful life. He was so grateful to be able to talk about his wishes in this matter.
I wish you the best.
So it's a contradiction in many ways. Functional in some departments, but not others. Psychosis, depression, non-stop complaining, day sleeping and night insomnia, neglects cleaning and refuses to have a cleaning person come in, her personal hygiene is also failing.
Sometimes these declines and changes are irreversible. going back to where they came from wont necessarily solve anything.
As mentioned by others, it sounds like there is dementia going on. If these are truly psychotic episodes, it may be only medications that could sort that out? I would involve her doctors more into this.
How does she get meals when she lived alone ? Has she been tested for dementia ? More information would be helpful . However I do think moving her back to the farm is a mistake.
I used to tell my ( also angry ) father in law with dementia that the doctor said he has to live where there are nurses. He was in assisted living which is where it sounds like your mother is headed.
I would also advise against having your mother move in with any family . She is not cooperative , and once they move in it’s difficult to get them out of your house .
Usually it requires discounting other possible medical issues first.
If you knew whether your Mother has dementia then you wouldn't be wasting effort on getting her to buy into any care plan. FYI resistance and paranoia is a feature of dementia. If you are her PoA you just make decisions for her best care and just worry about how to execute it.
She probably should not have gone into IL, but MC if she was having untreated psychotic episodes. She absolutely should not go back to her farm. She needs to go into MC or the psych wing of a hospital to get her take meds for her anxiety/agitation/delusions etc.
Is any one of you her PoA? Only her PoA should now be making the care decisions and managing her affairs.
If no one is her PoA then you and siblings will need to make a decision about guardianship by one of you or allow the county to acquire it.
They will make sure she takes her medications and assist her with any other of her needs along with trying to get her involved with activities.
Please do not take her back home, but look into finding the appropriate assisted living facility for her now and one that has a memory care unit attached as she will more than likely need that later.
Dementia is horrible and I'm sorry you're going through it with your mother. She will only get worse, so best to get your/her ducks in a row now.