My dad raised my brother and I alone. He married a gal 14 Yes ago. She has no relationship with her son because she is extremely jealous of women therefore hates her daughter in law(who's actually awesome)!My dad was diagnosed with MSA and Lewy's body dementia last Summer (late summer). Typical for his wife you don't ever know if she will attack you with some made up story such as their house was broken into and she thinks it was my brother. That he didn't steal anything other than costume jewelry but her 10k ring was on dresser as well as thousands of $ of other sitting there. Or that my husband cornered her at the office and demanded she change the will. Both stories are so downright blatantly lies it's disgusting. My brother and I have been the targets of her attacks since he married her unfortunately. My dad, my brother and I have a very special and unlike most relationships. My mother left when I was a newborn and its always been dad,my brother and I. We are a team. Dad lived 8 houses from me and he owned his own business we all worked for him.Been that way all my life. She decided to tell dad im not allowed to be at their house when she got home, wasn't happening. My father told her to pound sand and that if she thought she was going to alienate him from his children like that she can pack up. So she did!!! Dad said later. She came back a week later and convinced him to sell the house and get this condo in foreclosure so they could pay cash. She took him away from his 5 grandchildren who rode bikes or walked to their grandpas every single day. Their only grandparent!!!! Not to mention she took my dad away from me. Dad has been hospitalized since August several times. The pattern is when he is hospitalized she suddenly develops the flu and diarrhea and cannot come to hospital to see him. He had a stroke and she texts me telling me she is worried about dad because he won't open his eyes, seems out of it,is leaning etc. Asks if I think she should call ambulance. Wasn't until I showed up she did!He had two strokes within a week or so time frame.He wasn't in ER room 10 mins and she asked my husband to take her home she was sick. She didn't come see my dad for a week!!!!
Here my dilemma. She makes up stories, flat out makes them up. She's even preyed on my dad. One night as I never left his side at the hospital stayed almost 24 hrs a day(all the nurses knew and were aware she wasn't there as well). One night she called his cell phone and he pretty much holds it in his hand the entire time. He answered it and she didn't know my brother and I were there. She started telling him,"Your kids are trying to kill you and take your money. Listen to me Xxx(his name) your kids are planning your funeral and have U dead all the while your trying to live." My poor father at first said what, she kept saying listen to me, just listen don't talk listen. She did this for 7 or so minutes.Repeated it over and over and over. When he hung up he was scared,confused and agitated. Thankfully with his dementia he told us but we could hear it as she told him anyway because the phone volume was way up. She will never face U alone. She had him placed under no visitors and security because we asked her why would she tell my dad something that awful when it never everrrrrrr happened
Dad was in rehab facility for a month. She came 3x In month to see him. I have texts from her thanking me for being there every day staying with him etc. Dad called me if he was scared. I got 3,4 calls middle of night due to him not aware of where he was. Nurses said he always asked for his daughter.
When the vascular neuro came in last hospital visit and told me after his two strokes at xmas that he was declining at a much more rapid pace than he anticipated I said oh. He showed me MRI where his brain has shrunk and died off. My fathers wife knew doc was coming to talk and asked me to make sure I took notes, what questions to ask etc. She should of been there but typical of her she never is. So I audio recorded it with my phone (hindsight that has been my saving grace)!I wanted to make sure I didn't forget anything, it was awful that I had to tell her what doc said as we all were shocked. Next day was when dad started to awaken after his body was recovering from strokes. He didn't remember much from previous days.His wife now states to everyone doc never said he had any strokes, that he was fine,I made up what doc said and so on. My brother confronted her and said look im sick of U trying to say my sister lied when I have listened to the doctor tell my sister exactly what she said he did. It's audio recorded so U can lie whatever but truth is right there. You can be in denial but don't say she lied when in fact she Since then she hasn't heen letting my brother and I see dad but once a month.He's at home now. Dad would call me every day,I spent every day from September on with him caring for him(I'll continue in comments)
This is the woman your father chose to live with. He obviously didn't have to get married, but he chose to. We don't always agree with the choices our parents make, but everything is not in our control. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.