She has been an alcoholic for many years. Last week she hurt her foot - saying she stretched and hurt it! It is badly swollen and is most likely a drunken accident which she wont admit to.
She says she cannot drive with the swollen foot and is expecting me to drive her to the shop every other day for "food" - the food stays rotting on the kitchen floor and she drinks the bottles of brandy she is buying.
I have told her I am not prepared to take her to buy more brandy (at least a litre bottle a day - possibly more) - but she blames her drinking on me and says I will have to take her as it is too dangerous to just suddenly stop drinking.
She says she cannot walk to a local shop (even before the foot injury her mobility was in rapid decline) and says no one else can keep driving her to the shop.
She keeps ringing and saying I will find her dead after a seizure if I don't get her the brandy.
I don't want to be a part of her drinking - she wont accept the problem or seek help.
She has been diagnosed with alcoholic liver disease and she even continues to deny this saying it must be a mistake.
Don't know what to do - she is ringing and begging like a child - then being vindictive and nasty when I refuse to help her.
Can I just leave her to the consequences of her own actions - such as a seizure from lack of alcohol?
My heart and prayers are with you. Watching a train wreck in slow motion like this can really suck. You do what you can, the addicted person must still be the one to begin to accept some of the reality...Otherwise it can be fatal despite best efforts of everyone who cares about them.
I have not taken her to the shop over the weekend, and have managed to get an appointment with her GP on Tuesday. I am hoping the GP will be able to offer some additional advice.
She is still ringing me asking me to take her to the shop - although while she keeps ringing, at least I know that she is ok!
The Al-Anon meeting will be a tremendous help for you to cope with an addictive and manipulative patient.
If you're concerned for her health keep in close touch with her for about 48 hours. Check in on her. Call her. You won't be helping her by buying her booze for her. When she's back on her feet she can go to the store and buy as much booze as she wants.
I agree with Jessie about Al-Anon. Get in touch with them. I wouldn't be surprised if you were able to get in touch with someone today. Talk to them. They can guide you through this.
Be strong, sally22. Your mom's an addict. She has the power to infect you too. Alcoholism is a family disease, as Jessie said, and takes out everyone in it's path.
One way or the other - more booze or none, she is headed for a medical crisis.
You could also possibly agree to buy her a limited amount of booze for a limited time, on the condition that she seek help, which most likely she will not, but it puts you in a position to negotiate. and offsets the chance of a severe withdrawal at this time. Just a suggestion.
You may feel better if you have tried this and laid it all out on the table to her. Not that she will agree or stop blaming you. In any case, set the conditions that you feel are best, make it clear to her what you are and are not prepared to do and stick to it. Don't let her emotional blackmail force you to do anything you do not feel is right. Detachment is letting others experience the consequences of their choices.
Good luck. I know this is very difficult. Keep in touch and let us know how you are doing. ((((((((hugs)))))))
Going the road she is travelling, your mum may not live much longer. Alcohol in abundance poisons the liver, heart, brain, and other organs of the body over time. You may have to force her into making some hard decisions, but I would get the advice of others, e.g. Al-Anon, who have walked in your shoes. The only thing I know that works with a serious alcoholic is having them want to stop drinking, followed by rehab to get clean and membership in AA to stay clean. Sometimes we can help. Other times we can't and we have to pull back while the person self destructs. Get with your local Al-Anon to get some help for yourself while you're going through this. You have more company than you know with this problem. Alcoholism tears up the lives of the alcoholic and the people who care about him or her.