Curtain Asked March 2016
What alternatives are out there to help an elderly person be transported to and assisted through appointments?
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What alternatives are out there to help an elderly person be transported to and assisted through doctor appointments when family can't do it? She needs someone to speak up to the doctor and set the record straight when she lies about things as well. She's very quick to say things are fine when they aren't. The paid in-home help I have found charges about twenty dollars an hour and some her appointments go three hours long - I don't think there's any way she'd pay $60! And yet sometimes due to work I just simply cannot do it and she has so many appointments. I'm sure other people have had this same problem too, but I didn't have much luck searching old threads. Any ideas?
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During the four years I cared for my mother I think every ER in that city had a chair with my name on it. With parkinsons and strokes she was unsteady on her feet. I got her a rolling walker but she refused to use it in the house, just getting about by holding onto furniture and walls so she was always falling. If she co-operated I could get her up, if not I had to call EMS.
Frankly I have a poor view of doctors in general. My mother's doctor was merely a referral service ... just kept referring for tests and nothing more. When she had the final bad fall and landed in hospital I spoke with him and he said "Your mother has had dementia for very many years, long before you came to care for her". She's been a narcissistic, mean, manipulative, abusive monster all her life and I just thought it was getting so bad with age. Thanks a bunch doc!
The hospital kept trying to send her back home to me but I knew I couldn't manage her any longer so I dug my heels in and found a lovely nursing home where she would get care 24/7, which cannot be provided by one person.
If she is partially independent and will co-operate with some care (which it doesn't sound like) then you can only wait until "something" happens. I caught my mother trying to dig out a music tape from the player with a knife (the power was still on) and trying to cook something on the stove top in a casserole, which of course exploded.
Sorry to be a dismal jimmy, but been there, done that, but I suggest you look into long term care for both your sakes in readiness for when things go totally south, which they will
I'm fortunate that my mother trusts us three kids and that we are a united front. I can't imagine running myself into the ground financially or healthwise because my "legally competent " and "independent " parent wouldn't cooperate.
That sort of "independence" is an illusion i would challenge by stepping away. At some point, you have to practice self preservation and say " i couldn't possibly do that".
Babalou, unfortunately my profile throws you off - not everything in it is accurate because I have serious privacy concerns. A family member knows I come to this site who I really don't want to read my comments. My mother has very early dementia, AD possibly but not sure, and still lives independently and legally is very competent. No one can make her do a d**m thing no matter how much it's needed. It often tears our family apart. Sorry for the drama - they are rubbing off on me.
You and Windyridge are right that she has too many doctor appointments though - yes always with the followup appointment. I can think of a couple that could be reduced possibly though she does have a number of real health conditions that require close monitoring and office treatments.
Second, Babs makes a good point about too many docs. My mom has the eye, heart, urology, general, dentist and what ever else comes up from falls or infections. They all routinely schedule never ceasing follow up appointments with no regard to what the other docs are doing or to the suffering of a disabled 85 year old women sitting around their waiting rooms for an hour only to be told there's no change from our last visit. The arrogance is astounding. I think we all need to look at what doctor visits are truly necessary for elders.
When my mom went into Independent Living, we stuck with just her geriatrics doc and her eye doctor. Gyn was only when there was an issue.
Is mom using doctor's appointments as social visits? Or is she anxious about something? My mom kept insisting on going to the eye doctor. It turned out ( and this took some real detective work) that she thought her macular degeneration (she had the good kind) was progressing because she had dry eyes. Once we realized that, we got her a printed grid to check on her own.
I found also that i vould call into mom's appointments and provide information and feedback. Of couse, someone else needs to accompany her to appointments! Paying someone to accompany her is not an option...not her choice.
Also you need to be listed on hippa form or have medical poa to get information from doctor..