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Of the comments read (haven't gotten to them all yet), seems like most are saying no, you are not selfish and I would agree. You are also not uncaring, as you expressed desire to help in other ways. Stand your ground. If they want to "judge" you for this, let them. You care enough to be supportive and help where you can and do what you feel comfortable with. If anyone expresses that judgement, tell them that. Each person contributes what they can.

Those who should really be judged are those who don't show up at all. Our mother was moved to MC, and I was her "manager", provider and visitor. My bros were pretty much absent and I can't say how disgusted I am with this (not the reason I chose that screen name, but it certainly fits now!!!)

(Personally I don't think I could have done this for my own mother! I also don't expect my kids to do that for me and have told them so!)
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If this helps, you’re not a ‘bad’ person. Some people just cannot do certain things without gagging or worse. Since there are others to help your mother in law and you’re willing to do anything else, show up at extra times and go above and beyond with everything else. And you may even suggest a catheter since she’s having so much trouble. Just a couple of thoughts.
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