I am my mom's only child. My mom has cancer, (untreated) & cannot walk on her own.
She is in rehab nursing facility for now.
I have no relatives left after my mom passes.
I live alone w/my pets.
I'm 54 w/hypertension but take meds to control it.
I have to work to support myself (I rent an apt).
Last night was bad, I came home after spending the evening w/mom @ NH.
I am not sleeping well, I have a very nervous stomach, no appetite, I am starting to tremble & am occasionally dropping things.
I had stated to sweat, feel nauseous & had diarrhea.
This lasted about 2-3 hours until I tried to fall asleep.
I keep thinking how my mom is crying & suffering being away from her home.
She tells me everything I go to see her that she wants to go home to her own house & have nurses come there to care for her.
She & I cannot afford to pay for any care out of pocket because mom has Medicare/Medicaid and Medicaid won't pay for nursing care in your home.
Every time I talk to mama on the phone, she talks for a few minutes, then as we as saying goodbye she starts crying & I can't stand to hear her in so much pain but I can't do anything to change it & it's making me feel like I'm having a panic attack.
I've usually dealt w/loss & death OK (not as well as some, but I pray a lot & try to talk it out w/friends & that has helped me in the past but this is really taking a toll on me & the more I feel like this, the more I worry that I WILL die before my mom & she will be left all alone.
I'm also panicked because if my mom should pass before me, then I am all alone & it frightens me terribly.
I am seeing my GP Doctor on Mon after I called & spoke to the nurse & told her my symptoms.
I'm hoping she can give me something to help calm me when I get anxiety or advise on some alternative treatment while I'm dealing w/all this.
I never knew what it felt like when I hear that others had "anxiety" or panic attacks but I think I know now how it feels & it's very, very frightening.
Please can anyone help me w/their knowledge of what I can do to at least get thru this weekend??
Please.
Still, someone with your mom's condition requires a lot of around the clock work. It's not something one person can do alone in the home. You know that she's getting the care she needs where she is. She obviously isn't thinking it through, because if she were, she would understand that her plan isn't feasible.
Is she able to comprehend that there are no funds for inhouse care and that you aren't able to quit your job and care for her? If your mom doesn't have dementia and is able to reason, then I might explain why her wishes can't be met and that her continued pleas are stressful to you. Tell her that the visits should be pleasant and that you can't discuss her coming home each time you talk. Maybe, reality will settle in with her.
If she has dementia, then it doesn't matter how you explain it, because she will forget what you say and you'll just have to redirect the conversation each time she brings it up. That makes it tough, but you just have to prepare yourself and hope she eventually lets the topic go.
I used to have anxiety attacks and they are very scary. The good news is that once mine were diagnosed and treated, they went away. Just knowing a lot about them took the scare out if it for me. I did take meds for a short time.
Please know that there are many places you can go for support and to talk to other people with similar situations. That always makes me feel better.
To forestall the panic in the first place find a way to keep you mind occupied, immerse yourself in a book or movie, window shop at the mall, go out for hot chocolate with friends or just people watch.
Get some exercise, preferably outside, even if it is just walking around the block.
Avoid caffeine and alcohol.
Yes, see your doctor. You may need antidepressant meds, because your emotional system is under stress and out of whack. You maybe referred to a psychiatrist or mental health counselor....if you are, please go. Support in times of stress is critical.
Second, is there a geriatric psychiatrist or Psych nurse practitioner at mom's facility? It sounds as though MOM needs some attention in that area. Talk with mom's nurse , the social worker and the Dr who treats her at the facility.
Come back and let us know how you're doing, please!