I'm thinking of bringing my mother to live with my family within the next month. She is currently in assisted living, but is alone most of the time, other than eating her meals in the dining room. This will be HUGE for me -- I have always been free to come and go as I please. Even though she is by herself now for hours at a time, I will be responsible for her 24/7. I am the only child in town. My husband is open for having her move here, but does not want to become a babysitter. I will look into adult day care nearby. Am I making the wrong decision to want to care for her at home?
I lost my mom suddenly 4 years ago - my heart goes out to you ddarkangel
But watching your love one decline is not easy either at your home or in a nursing facility. Yes there will definetly be days that you are on a roller coaster as someone had mentioned. But then there are days you would not have it any other way but with you.
The decision to move mom in with us was easy for me, but not for everyone.
I care for her 24/7 I am the only child. My son does not help, but my daughter and her husband do at times. My husband just works and comes home and goes to bed.
I do have a homemaker that comes in 4 hours 5 days aweek. This helps some.
Today is not a good day for me. I do not have privacy at all. Never have time to myself in my own home. It is going to be one of those days I was talking about.
But yesterday was a different story. My mother and I laughed all day long. She was having a good day and I got to enjoy that time with her. She is not herself everyday so I try and enjoy the time we have together when she is herself. This brings back good memories from my childhood.
This is an example of how your days will go...
Good luck with your decision.....
You said NH's are horrible, my Mom is in one and it is very nice.
by the way ill join you to alaska !! lalala think they serve margiritta ???
am bringin dadhome on tuesday , trying to gather up all the firewood i can get for the winter but i dont think im going able to do that since i will be staying home to take care of dad .
poor husband of mine , lucky my son said he will go help him . since he too need firewood to heat his house up .
got me a new grandbaby boy . proud mamaw i am ..
am not lookin frwd to be trap in my home and care for dad 24-7 again . its been 3 weeks since he went to hospital cuz of uti and now he is in rehab , that place is so depressing and they dont take good care of my dad . realy threw me offthe other day , shut him in his room withdoor closed and tv was not on and the nurse call button was hangin way out of his reach and caught him trying to get in bed from his wheelchair ! i arrived just in time to see all that . had to do some lit preaching to those young girls (cna).. u do not shut the door on my father , hahaha man u should seen thier red red face , all denied doing that , oh well whatever ....guess it be all well worth it when he gets backhome so i;ll know he s ok , no more worry warts ..
What-where-when are the Golden Years ??!!
wants to be at home where his families are , so you are lucky that ur mother doesnt want that .
i for one , dont like nursing home . and i hope someday my girls willin to take care of me cuz i think i be just like my father hahaha . hopefully i be dead before i get too old and feeble ... cuz i dont like what i am seeing at that old old age ....
She ask me not to be the one to take care of her, she said that she would want to be in a NH, that it would make her feel horrible if I had to change her and do personal things like that.
I wanted to be the one to always take care of her but I think it was for myself, not her.
She's as happy as she can be where she's at and I go visit every other day.
I think she actually gets better care there then if she were with me-they know how to handle things much better then I do.
Linda
Bless you. Wish I had my dad back. I would give anything to hear him. You are lucky.
now since he is gone whew !! i feel so much burden off my shoulders ! i can come and go as i please and i can sleep all day if i want to . my husband and i go out to eat and have time on our hands , before when dad was here i couldnt go anywhere ., wake up all night long takin him to bathroom , listenin to him wa wa waaaaaa . i tell you its hard work .
but when he gets better i am bringin him back home . winter is coming and yes he does gets a better care here at home than at nursing home . one on one is alot better than leave him hangin and wait till its his turn . he did say he wants to go back home . he will get his wishes , ill bring my daddy back when he gets better .
I'm not sure we can direct our questions to someone but I admire you and how you love caring for your mom. I love my mom with all of my heart but it is so hard for me to face her aging and my heart aches. I wondered if you had any advice for me so I could handle my situation with love and not feel all these negative emotions. I want to enjoy my time with her but fear losing her which is where the anxiety comes from. She is a loving and kind Mother who has done so much for me. How can I help myself feel better if you know. I have a counseling appt tomorrow but I did love your reply. We do not owe it to our parents to care for them but how can I leave her at the age of 88 when I have lived with her all of my life ? I never married and never regretted not leaving until now. Thank you if you reply.
She now has been busy and not a loner anymore.
I took care of her for years, then the NH.
Neither is easy, I rest better because I know she's treated very good, has her 3 squares, and is safe.
I was lucky to find such a nice place, they have bingo, cards, music, friendship day and she has her hair done once a week.
We have no money, she is on SS and SSI, she now gets an allowance but really has no need for money except for a perm, which they get there.
You might want to look into something like that-don't believe all you hear about NHs, I'm not sorry about having her there, I do miss her tho.
She tries to be patient, but sees taking care of her as my duty while her son does NOTHING. My question to you is why is she alone in the AL? Don't they have activities, is she a loner? Who do you think is going to fill her day when she moves in? YOU Will!!! Think long and hard. Wish my mom could do assisted living. She is just to far gone medically for that. I am sure she would have loved being with people her own age. Good luck.
I've been a caregiver for about 8 years now and love taking care of mom. I may on the lucky side where she is still able to get around and do things on her own, to a point.
This decision will affect everyone to be sure to talk it though and be sure of what you want to to do. Good luck
I'm sure most of you are a lot younger and are stronger then myself. But it is a very hard jib.
care for, and watch over our loved ones 24/7.
When a person has that kind of load and is home bound daily, you WILL turn into a resentful piece of a person.
You will complain to anyone who will listen, very soon others will ignore you, tired of listening.
You heard NH are no good, so don't want to go there.
I found a very nice nursing home and I'm very relieved that Mom is getting good care and I can sleep nights.
They have many activities and she does more now then when she was home.
No, she's not totally happy but she wasn't before either.
I would say, NO, do not try it on your own, I did for many years and it has done it's toll on me.