My mom fell 2 weeks ago and fractured her femur, just above her knee replacement. She is 94, has Parkinson's disease and was diagnosed 4 years ago, but mentally she is still pretty sharp. She got 90% of the questions thrown at her today by an SLP correct, but no other significant issues. Surgery was 10 days ago and was expected to last 5 hours due to what appeared to be a complicated fracture. Thankfully, it went better than expected and finished in just under 3 hours. She is now in rehab and the post-surgical delirium she experienced seems largely gone, but the road to recovery will be long. She seems game, but as we know, nothing is easy or simple at that age. In any case, I am still feeling annoyed with the chief anesthesiologist in the pre-op area who just before surgery casually commented something like "Well, six months is about all you can expect. Statistically speaking." While that may be true, was that the time or place for him to say something like that? I was flabbergasted to hear that kind of remark at such a stressful moment. Am I over-reacting? I know there are bigger fish to fry, but a comment like that at a moment like that seems very out of place, and of course the "six month" thing is stuck in my head. Surely some people defy odds. Report this doctor to someone? Or let it go?
The last week of my Mom's life, when she had been sent by ambulance from the nursing home to the hospital, upon my arrival the Doctor told me almost immediately "I believe your Mother is passing" Okay, so I phoned everyone and we all gathered around. He made his final assessment for the evening and everyone was looking at me in a questioning fashion. So, I said "when I arrived you said she was passing" He looked at me and said "We're all going to die sometime, I can't tell you when your Mom will" Kind of a glib remark under the circumstances. I get he couldn't give us the exact time but he didn't have to be all snarky about it. As it was, Mom lasted another 7 days after that.
I think so many Doctors are so arrogant. I just don't expect to like a new one when I meet one. If one turns out to be sensitive and considerate, bonus but it doesn't happen very often in my experience.
I remember getting a pap smear once and I was right next to a window. I was looking out at the construction going on outside and the doctor says to me "Can you imagine what those construction guys would do if they knew there was a half naked woman watching them" Geez............I felt violated. I couldn't wait to leave. What an inappropriate thing to say.
What do you get when a bus full of doctors falls off a cliff?
Ans: A good start.
If you don't feel comfortable telling him directly, it also seems fine to write it on the survey or talk to patient relations.
Following the surgery the anesthesiologist tracked me down in the cafeteria and apologized for scaring us - while I haven't forgotten his words I'm grateful he did his best by her
I'm a firm believer in things happening for a reason. I believe my mother miraculously survived sepsis on that oral antibiotic (3rd generation Cephlosporin drug, broad spectrum) because I have unfinished business. She's here for me. You know what I mean? In the ER, the labs showed kidney, heart failure...she was on death's door. The entire hospice team was shocked at Mom's recovery. :-)
You'll get a patient survey in the mail. If you're still bothered by the doctor's comment, just write it down on that survey. Administration takes reviews very seriously. I guarantee you someone will tell this doctor he/she was out of line.
Good luck with your Mom!
In 2013, I rushed my mother to the ER for difficulty in breathing. The ER doctor (who was very compassionate) said my mother had sepsis and the only option for her to live was to admit her for aggressive measures. I told him no way, I'm taking her home on hospice and to just give her an oral antibiotic, letting nature take it's course. He then commented he didn't think the oral drug will be of any use but will order it so I have peace knowing I did everything I could for her. He then followed up with "Her death is imminent..." She shockingly fully recovered from sepsis from only using this oral antibiotic. She is with me today, four years later!
I would let this one go because your focus is your mother. However, in the future, if a medical professional says something you feel is inappropriate - call this person out for it - right then and there. People, in general, are raised to trust their doctors, treating them with respect. I was this way - until I got a full dose of the realities of healthcare. I now let a doctor know I don't appreciate his/her comment. I don't yell at the doctor. I just tell the doctor where I stand.
I am sorry you had to hear such shocking news, right before a worrisome surgery for your Mom! Are you quite certain he meant "predicted lifespan", or perhaps the "projected healing time" for someone her age?
What I mean is, He may have misunderstood your question, or you might have misunderstood his answer. I hope it was the former!
I do hope your Mom makes a speedy recovery!
But you could let off steam by writing to the hospital and asking for an apology. Do it if you'll feel better; I would expect them to respond graciously; but they'd probably have to give that person an entire personality transplant to be sure he never says anything tactless again.
And on the statistics thing: not just inappropriate but, more happily, meaningless. You cannot extrapolate from an "average" - what sort of average, anyway? - to an individual; as I'm sure the same anaesthetist, if you were to ask him how long a particular patient would live, would be delighted to explain to you, at length, in detail, zzzzzz....
If he said it in her presence, I would report him, as that is totally uncalled for. If he didn't say it in front of her, my guess is that it's more likely a comment coming from a place of unawareness and his focus on the "facts" than an attempt to be cruel or mean. I'd focus on what you've got ahead of you and let it go. But that's just me.