Over the last couple of months my wife’s anxiety has gotten significantly worse....
We have increased her antidepressant to 20 mg yesterday and are having her tested for UTI tomorrow....
Today has, to date, been the worst....
She started this morning with the accusations and it has literally continued non stop...I didn’t know someone could talk incessantly like that....but it is still going on..
I have tried to maintain my composure but have lost it a couple of times...
I know why it is hard for her....and understand.....but my mind has gone numb listening to it all day....Usually I can get sway for a little bit...but every time I tried to get a break today...it got worse...nothing I tried today has worked....
I still find it interesting how the mind works....
She can’t tell time but can certainly remember every time over the last few days that I have not done what she wanted...
Not a complaint...just interesting
However, her behavior is making it hard for you to cope. How do you get a break from caregiving... and a little quiet time? Maybe it is time to get a little help so you can get breaks away to regain some peace.
I'm sure you have, but... do you try to redirect the conversation to something totally different? Maybe hand her some sort of 'project' that she might work on - like a box of buttons and tell her that so-and-so needs them put in plastic bags by color. Or maybe a jar of change that could be sorted by denomination....or put coins into coin rolls. Not knowing how bad her dementia is, there might be some children's toys/tasks that could be used as diversion.
I am very frustrated with the Doctors Office since no uti results yet...
Is she so distressed she won't eat or drink? Dehydration?
Is there a medical advice line you can access? Would they suggest urgent care/hospital?
so, she goes around gathering her things and putting in purses or containers and placing them around her...then sometimes she hides them and the process starts over...she is convinced that I did it....then sometimes says I didn’t.....she has become more suspicious of me....which is very alarming....this behavior has been progressing over a months period of time and reached an alarming level on Tuesday...
I am concerned about the side affects for us older people....According to the drug details...more likely with children and the elderly....the side affects can actually be worse than the current level of anxiety...
If you don't mind me asking, what is the dosage? Because valium can be broken in half to start with a smaller dose.
I am sorry that you are going through this, HUGS!
The neurologist has prescribed valium...from my description of the problem they think she may be in a crisis and needs to be calmed down.....I am waiting for the uti results first....she has been frantic...I have tried the typical diversionary techniques....and it works for a few minutes then it starts again....
She is mid stage Alzheimers......This has been going on non stop for 8-12 hours a day...
The is no way for me to respond correctly all the time with this being so relentless...
I talked to the 24 hour Alzheimers help line last night and that helped a little...
I remember someone on the forum once talking about going out in the backyard with a flashlight to look for the "intruders" their LO was convinced were out there. Just for someone to respond and take some action help calm the episodes.
Don't berate yourself for losing it once in awhile. The frustration and anger are real and expected. I sometimes used to get frustrated and angry at my dying husband and think "You can't be mad at someone who's dying," but, yes, you can and sometimes will be. It helps to find other outlets for your own feelings. You can vent here on the forum whenever you need to.
And, I sometimes have no idea what I am agreeing to...which gets me in trouble again...
Use headphones or ear buds to block out the "noise"
Is there anything that you have done in the past that can help calm her? Music of some type? Art, reading to her?
If none of this works is she alright with someone coming in to give you a break? Even just an hour away might help you.
Is she on Hospice? (If not you might want to call and see if she is eligible, there are lots of advantages) If she is on Hospice if there is a problem getting the medication correct you could ask if they would consider putting her in an In-Patient Unit until they get the medication adjusted properly. Or if she is on Hospice you could ask for Respite, Medicare will provide for 1 week per year of Respite for Hospice patients.
It would seem to me that the only thing that may be left to do is look at how people approach her. Do they know how to 'invite' her to do things, ask her kindly, etc., or is there re activeness in the caregiver so that the patient has to be up in arms and protect themselves from that charge?
Mom is 98.5 yrs. old. She has those episodes, now each day when she is told to do something she rather not, she gets upset. It has to do with their sense of loosing control of their life. As much as it is frustrating and exausting for us, I always think about what if I was in that situation. How would I behave?
I often tell Mom that I understand her frustration. I ask her to tell me about (what she can remember). Sometimes, when I act interested and she feels heard, the constant complaining stops. Don't fix her state. Just listen and let them express their frustration. It usually has sadness underneath.
In a way, there is not much we can do to make them feel better and that is not only very sad, but conflicting to our hears since we are exhausted. Totally understood.
There are videos on youtube from an expert in these areas: Teepa Snow. Watch the way she deals with these episodes. It helped me lots.
All the best to you. Be kind with yourself...I know it is hard, but you must take time off, even if half-day. Blessings!
It has to be horrible ...feeling like you have no choices...