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Wow. I think you know what to do. It's time to let him go. Tell him you can talk about reuniting when he is no longer supporting his relatives. It doesn't sound like he is going to change this situation any time soon.

A blind person could see that your fiancé's first priority is not you. Why is he living with you and your kids?! He's getting all the benefits of being supported by you while not earning a living himself! Why do you have to support him financially? He's taking money that should be for your kids. You've basically signed on to raise a third son here.

He is either a pushover or just doesn't care enough about you and your kids to place you first. Or actually make the commitment of marrying you. Then your kids get to have yet another man walk out on them.

He needs to move in with his family and stop pretending he's part of yours.
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Think if you reflect you know the answer. Your priority should be your children. They are young and need a mother who is not stressed or burnt out . My advice is to concentrate on them and not rely on your fiancé to parent. The relationship is currently not working. He appears to be a loving man who is caught between a rock and a hard place trying to help his family. Apparently, he has guilt in setting boundaries. I’d separate for a while to see if his life and yours find a happy medium.
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So everything hit the fan today. We went and visited his family yesterday after dropping my kids off at their dads (we split the day for Christmas) and found out his grandmom had a hard fall on Christmas Eve. His mother also is dealing w a lot caring for his autistic nephew (other set of issues on other side of his family) and that was a very hard visit and we felt unwelcome. Today we were fully prepared to call and ambulance so his grandmother could get an xray. She was set on being driven not taken by ambulance but my fiancé sAid no since it would be a 10 hour wait in ER without the ambulance. The hospitals are full of Covid here. Well she refused so fiancé, dad and uncle were going by what his 96 year old grandmother said. I then was heated w fiancé since I don’t think grandmom has a say in this. She needs to be checked out and I think it’s neglect not to have her checked. Many times my own kids don’t wNt to go to the doctors and I make them. They are allowing a 96 year old to have too much say and I don’t agree w it. Fiancé dad said we can wait a few days and fiancé wAs like well I have to work and hAve other things I can’t wait around until it’s at a crisis to take her. So I was a upset and told him they need to take her now. We ended up in a huge argument (we’re supposed to go skiing today and it didn’t happen). I’m so burnt out and upset.
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LoopyLoo Dec 2021
It’s time to cut him loose.
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I wanted to provide an update on my situation. So since I last posted (end of December) no real movement on the relationship. However, his family situation has drastically taken a turn....2.5 weeks ago his father had to be admitted to the hospital due to a severe health crisis (basically didnt even know who he was for a week) and the verdict is still out if it was due to his diabetes and a sugar emergency or mental health related. He is still hospitalized. During this time, my fiances grandmother had to be admitted to the hospital as well due to sugar issues (diabetes) and has now stepped down to a rehab facility. To add to all of this, fiances uncle (who lives with grandmother and dad) does not drive and requires checkin in on and caregiving as well. So fiance had to take over 2 weeks off of work (unpaid) in order to assist his family with doctors calls and visits back and forth several times a day to the hospital as well as assisting his uncle with groceries, laundry, cleaning, etc. He is completely burnt out. I do feel like this situation has caused fiance to find a solution to the situation since he will need to work full time soon, and can not do this situation indefinitely. He has been working with social workers to find caregivers that will come for all three at the house when dad and grandmom come home. In the meantime, I feel I am doing a wait and see approach for all of this. I have been traveling a lot for work and caring for my own elementary aged kids, but feel like his current situation isnt really sustainable for him to have his own family. Im not ready to break it off with him, however I think if this continues and the caregiving does not work (or he still feels the need to be a constant caregiver) our relationship will not be sustainable. Does anyone have any advice or thoughts?
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