I'm his only child even though I'm 48. It's breaking my heart knowing he's dying but he's also worried about how I am dealing with it. I've pretended I'm OK, but now he's in the hospital and end of life and I'm struggling to hold myself together. I need him to think or know I'm going to be OK.
I am sorry for this loss for you. I am thankful you, like me, had your Dad so long. And that he was, like my Dad, such a treasure.
I am sorry for your impending loss. I pray that The Lord gives you wisdom, strength and courage to deal with this situation. It is so very hard to lose our parents.
I'm sorry that you are facing the loss of your father right now, as it sounds like you are one of the blessed ones to have a good earthly father.
I pray for God's peace and comfort to be with you in the days, weeks and months ahead.
I think, too, that you're getting yourself wound up anticipating how you'll react, and you may be better than you think. I was with my dad when he was given his cancer diagnosis and told there was nothing he could do. I'm a big crier, but I cried in front of him for about a minute. I was with him and my mother from that day until he died six weeks later, and I cried for the first time -- REALLY cried -- seven months after his death. My mind was so engulfed with the whole thing that I didn't really process it until then.
I was very touched by that, and thought of it often when my sister and parents were dying.
You would be surprised by the strong bonds that are formed between the staff at hospitals, facilities and hospice organizations with their patients. Listen to what these dedicated workers say. They spend intimate moments with our loved ones. Our loved ones confide in the staff in regards to their deepest thoughts and concerns.
I wish you peace as you navigate your way through this process. We are never fully prepared. Doing your best is enough. Your dad does not expect any more than that. You won’t fail him in any way by crying.
If it’s lose it, could you talk to him about how his dying is teaching you how to deal and you’re learning calming actions. Dad, I heard about qigong (breathing, meditations, gentle movement). Do you want to taste my new herbal tea - it’s good for stress. I just heard about the Gregorian singers (they modernized Gregorian chants with popular songs). Dad Im gonna cry a bucketload and then do cleansing breaths. I’m just gonna sit here a while and listen to my song list while you sleep (ear buds). Or just do these things even if dad doesn’t know.
Maybe dad can find happiness knowing your time together is giving you a gift. Maybe you can find a way to harness moments of peace and remember this time as his last gift to you.
Btw, it took finding Qigong and meditation YouTubes that resonated and listening often, but once it’s familiar that familiarity brings its own comfort.