Any creative ideas on how to handle Assisted Living roommate television issue?

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Any creative ideas on how to handle Assisted Living roommate television issue?

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My mom moved into a shared room in assisted living three weeks ago. There are two dressers, side by side, one for her roommate and the other for her. The dressers are the furniture pieces that holds the televisions. This becomes a problem when only ONE TV can be played at a time. My mom's roommate has been living in that room for six months and has ultimate control of the TV (which is on her dresser) and it's extremely loud volume!! And, of course, my mom doesn't like any of the shows that her roommate watches. Picture this, the roommate is in the room, sitting in her rocking chair and watches TV the entire day and pretty much never leaves the room!

I'm trying to come up with ideas of setting my mom up with her own tv that she can watch in bed or in her recliner. I'm thinking of getting a hospital bedside rolling table w/ a portable TV that she can plug earphones into and watch. Has anybody else run into an issue such as this and if you have, how did you solve it? Unfortunately, there's no money for a private room...

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They both need headsets.

Why can there only be one TV set in the room?

In my mom's shared NH room, each resident had their own (provided by resident) TV. Each had a headset. Each watched their own shows.

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Headsets are a good idea but can the residents be forced to use them?

My FILs NH provides the TVs, I was surprised to see that......the TVs are attached to the beds! There’s an arm that allows it to swing back & forth so it’s not in the way all the time & it can be moved closer if need be. The TV is about the size of a small 1990s laptop. This is probably the set-up because there is no room for furniture and nowhere to mount a TV on the wall. These rooms were clearly designed for single occupants but times have changed and from what I saw, all room have 2 occupants.

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Yep,

I think you’re on the right track. My mom uses headphones for The Young and the Restless soap opera. Doesn’t sound like roommate is going to share the television. Maybe you could suggest she gets headphones too! Best of luck to your mom with her roommate.

I also have closed captioning on mom’s television. She will read the words when she doesn’t feel like wearing the headphones.

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Cali,

Yeah, most likely would only have to be a suggestion to use the headphones. Don’t see how they could force anyone to use them.

My mom would blast her tv so loud that I would get a headache! So my husband, the tech guy in my house went out and purchased the headphones. She loves them. So there wasn’t any struggle to use them. She makes sure they are charged and ready before her all important soap opera, The Young and the Restless! Hahaha

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When my dad was in rehab in the nursing home after his heart surgery and stroke, he wasn’t up to watching television. His roommate was always sleeping. So they didn’t have the issue over tv.

I can see how it would bother the OP’s mom, and the previous resident. Many isolated people use the television for companionship.

He used to enjoy watching tv, evening news, westerns, 60 minutes and so forth. He was 85 when he died.

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Aunts NH had this set up. Both dressers side by side with TVs. Same problem, when both TVs were on each person had a problem watching what they wanted. Aunts chair was faced the TV. We bought her headphones and (at that time) a long cord. The maintenance man took the cord and ran up and over the ceiling and down to her chair where the headphones were. Worked well. Now there are cordless headphones.

Funny thing, after we went all thru this the lady in the next bed complained that the picture or Aunts TV distractor her even though there was no sound. Really, I don't know why the curtains around the beds didn't go to the wall to break up the room.

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I know what you mean about the curtains. They only wrapped around the beds. It wasn’t really a divider.

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I would try to separate the dressers as far apart as possible and get your Mom TV Ears. They’re not as bulky as headphones and more comfortable. My DH wears them and usually falls asleep with them in.

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Can you see if the facility can move your mother to a different room? Some people and/or their habits aren't compatible. Perhaps, there is an opening with a roommate who doesn't have any preference about what's on the tv.

We never had a problem with the tv, since, my LO, although she used to love tv, stop being able to focus on it and it didn't hold her attention at all. She would sit and stare at tv with no idea what was on. As long as your mother enjoys watching it, I'd do my best to get her the ability to watch what she likes.

The ideas about using headphones is fine, but, with dementia, as you say your mother has in your profile, the person often isn't able to remember to use headphones, adjust them, turn on tv herself, etc. Of course, perhaps, your mother still has the ability to do that.

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Mom's the same way. Sometimes she pretends she's watching but she has no idea what's going on or even what show it is when I ask her.

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Is it possible for her to transfer to a different room/different roommate when one becomes available?

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I think you can get a relatively inexpensive pair of blue tooth speakers. That way mom can watch what she wants without bothering the shot caller. Or if her roommate would be receptive give her a pair.

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We have Direct Tv and I have an iPad. I am able to stream just about any show in our channel lineup on my iPad and I wear headphones. Maybe call the facility’s cable provider to see if they offer the same service.

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That’s a good idea. My daughter streams everything.

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I couldn't believe this ridiculous set up nursing homes have when my mom went in for rehab the first time. Two beat up dressers and loud TVs next to each other. This was a 5 star Medicare rated NH. There was also a blaster in the room across the hall night and day. He would leave the room and keep the TV on blasting away. I said something to administration and they said they can't say anything or he would become " obstinate". In some foreign countries they use noise as torture yet here we do this to our elderly. All for massive amounts of money they demand for what they call care. I am sorry to say all this but I still can't believe NHs do things this way for all the money they demand. At least in a hospital the sound box is in each bed.
I would try to get a small TV that could be wheeled closer, or something with headphones.

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I agree Katie, well said! I never even thought about the noise "torture" but you're right, it is ridiculous!

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Most newer TVs have BlueTooth capabilities, (wireless) headphones and or earbuds. It is much easier way to deal with the problems.

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some hearing aids can be connected to Bluetooth as well

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All suggestions are great but I have a more passive-aggressive approach, and cheap. The roommate has to sleep at some point. When she is sleeping, turn down the volume and “accidentally” drop the remote in the sink full of water. The roommate would have to replace the TV set, but I doubt she will. (Repeat as many time as needed.) At that point, buy a TV for your mom.

Don’t invest in an ipad. It can be stolen.

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I absolutely LOVE your response, it made me smile! I'm not sure if I'd have the nerve to do that or not but regardless, thanks for making me giggle! It's absolutely a phenomenal idea and my mom's roommate deserves that, for sure! Thanks again..... :-)

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There is absolutely no reason your mother should have to live with the rudeness of her roommate. My mother has lived in an AL facility for several years and there are residents who cannot keep a roommate and these residents are known to everyone in the facility. Their behavior makes it impossible for anyone to share a room with them. They are usually the last ones anyone is placed with and they like it that way as they end up with the whole room to themselves. Many facilities do not allow TV’s in shared rooms and instead have common areas with large screen TV’s for residents. My mother’s AL has these areas and it works out very well. You need to go directly to the facility’s administrator and tell him/her that this situation is unacceptable and that your mother needs to be relocated. They want your business and they will comply with your request.

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They want EVERYBODY'S business, so will stick people in to get more in and if it be an obnoxious person with a history so be it, only they know, to start...but one threatening to depart, I bet they promise the first available. What a nightmare. I'm surprised the person with the apparent hearing issue isn't forced to use some kind of headphone so a roommate could have some peace.

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Why not ask the roommate to lower the volume? By asking nicely, I'm sure she'll be happy to oblige if you explain the situation.

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That's possible, but perhaps overly optimistic. Some roommates couldn't care less about the other person in the room. My mother had one like that a couple years ago.

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Headphones or request another roommate.

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It might be a good idea to scout around to see if there are any rooms in which there is one person who would be compatible with your mother. Sometimes this happens if the other person either recovered and moved out, or died (and not necessarily because the person who is alone is incompatible). We were able to do this and found a wonderful roommate for my mother. A bonus was that this roommate was much younger, fully capable mentally, and had been a nursing administrator in a hospital as a profession, so she tended to keep a watchful eye on my mother and how the staff treated her.

At one point the facility needed someone in charge of nursing, so we were all joking/speculating as to whether a resident could also be an employee. (Does anyone know if this ever happens?)

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1) Request a room with no t.v.

2) Buy a remote for your Mom, programmed to match roomy's t.v.
a) turn down the volume when roomy dozes off.
b) pre-program the t.v., by using the remote, to turn off in one hour.
c) Read the rules and guidelines for the AL.
There must be something about t.v.'s that must be followed, and if a dispute arises, they can remove the t.v.(s).

Try an agreement with roomy, person with remote control privileges gets odd or even day choices.

Have Mom's doctor order specific sleep hygiene protocol, written out, no t.v. after 10 p.m., etc.

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I realize that the TV is the roommate’s, but an inexpensive wireless transmitter can convert an older TV to Bluetooth to transmit the audio signal to a wireless speaker placed nearer to the listener.
My mom’s speaker is a JBL clip model that I have positioned right next to her good ear. (Newer TV’s have Bluetooth capabilities)

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Have you talked to the facility about moving your mom to a room with a roommate that is quieter?

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Honestly, There are so many benefits nowadays to help teh caretaker at home I would just say the heck with them and take her home. Use her money to help her at your house, maybe some home modifactions like wheelchair accessabilty ramps, etc. instead of giving them thousands of dollars. No one really wants to be in a place like that and thats kust one small example of why.

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I ran into this with my brother's room mate. It was my brother who had it blasting. So, I got him head sets. Problem solved for him.

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Is the TV the only source of discourse between them I mean aside from that is the other woman a good roommate? If so you might want to try to work things out with the TV problem before asking to move because you never know what you might get next...

Many of our LO's as they age become hard of hearing and the roommate may simply be putting it at the level that enables her to hear it and of course she has become accustomed to her routine and dominance of the TV if she has been in that room 6mos. It might be worth doing a little investigating about if and why she has been in that room alone for 6 mos, have others had difficulties with her...but barring anything like that, can things be moved around in the room? Perhaps the dressers could be moved closer to each of them or at least not where each of them are looking at the others and then they could each have a TV of their own on their dresser. That might help with needing the TV as loud (it's easier to hear closer to you than from across the room) but in addition maybe get each of them headphones. Depending on the TV as others have said you might need an adapter but then you might not too and they could each have a set of Bluetooth headphones/earbuds/TVears whatever each of them prefers. Maybe discuss it with the other patient's family first so you aren't asking them to purchase the set up but asking what she might prefer so you can see if there is something affordable you can provide. If you came to me with the problem as the other woman's family I would take on the responsibility of finding and purchasing a set up for my mom but I'm not sure everyone will be that way or is able to for that matter. Of course if it's easy enough with your mom you could just set this up for her but then you will have to deal with the roommates volume when you visit too... I guess part of what I'm thinking is if you haven't brought up the issue, kindly, with the roommate and her family you should do that first. Between the two families you may find a very simple solution. If not you go from there but your mom shouldn't need to suffer just because she is the new resident in that room. Noise can affect so many things, including sleep and it's not healthy for your mom, she has as much right as her roommate to feel comfortable in and "at home" in her living space and when we have roommates there is always some give and take but that needs to go both ways and the health of each person is first and foremost.

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This seems to be a problem most places, that I just don't understand. In my brother's Senior Living place the rooms open on a larger communal room in which a large TV dominates, and seems one elder takes and keeps the remote. When we asked with several others that the TV be disabled past a certain hour, say 10 or 11 PM we were told that this is the "living room" for folks and they may want to watch TV all night. Well, to my mind, if it is everyone's living room, then those not liking TV can throw a brick through it, but guess that would be out of line. It so surprises me, especially with the loss in hearing, that people are subjected to the loud TV of a roommate. Is there any chance there is another elder there who prefers no or little TV? At some point, most states now have ombudsmunds who will negotiate issues. Anyone, correct spelling on that one appreciated.

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I think that the headphone idea could work. I considered this for my dad as he had a roommate much like the one you described.....except that he used to UNPLUG my dad's television leaving dad to believe that his tv didn't work. (Dad was bed bound.) It never occurred to him that roomie would do such a passive aggressive thing. I would also speak to the social worker about this issue. Put it into his or her lap. Because over time, if nothing works, there could be the option of moving either roomie or your mom to a better living situation. Eventually, that is what happened with my dad. His next roommate was a lovely, kind man. My only wish is that dad could have moved in with him sooner.

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When my mother first moved into assisted living, her roommate had been there for several years and was extremely hard of hearing. The home had set her up with a cordless pair of headphones so she could have the volume as loud as she needed as late as she wanted without bothering anyone. I thought this was a great idea and bought Mom her own set. Then they could each watch whatever they wanted at the volume they desired. It worked great until my Mom's memory got so bad that she couldn't remember how to use them. She then stopped watching TV altogether. Then I brought them home and my husband uses them with his laptop so I can watch TV and not be bothered by the competing volume of the You Tube videos.

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Sounds like your on the right path that’s what I was going to suggest. Ear plugs. Hanging TV from on the wall, you can buy brackets these days for newer TV’s but they have to be the thin new ones they have out. That would also give them more room on top of dressers. I’m surprised that they haven’t come up with that idea at the home already. That’s the new thing hanging from the wall. My mom is just getting a shared room and I didn’t even think of the TV issues. My mom doesn’t like television and I can for see a future problem. Oh boy.

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I love Your Own from Home de FOR Mom.XX

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I have worked in Elderly Care for over 25 years and this has been a problem for over 25 years. Thank goodness there are solutions now that we did not have many years ago.

Wireless headphones are not to expensive and actually for many people they hear and understand the TV better with headphones than without. My FIL has less than 30% of his hearing and has used them for years without hearing aids. My husband hears fine but uses them at our house because of the acoustics in our living room. I swear, wireless headphones have saved our marriage :-). I like the larger headphones better than tiny Bluetooth ones because they are easier to find and for most people to set up/put on. You do not want headphones with wires as they are a trip/fall hazard.

The ipad/tablet and streaming options are great solutions. Or get a small TV with a programmable remote - check Craigslist or a local thrift store for low cost or even free TV's. If you do not know how talk to set things up ask a grandchild or go to the AL and ask some of the younger staff members. Or if you go to the store with a picture of your mother and explain the situation the sales person will be very helpful. I have had the younger stock clerk in the DVD section at Walmart provide the answers better than the Department Managers at Fry's. Don't be afraid to ask - most people are really helpful if you explain the situation.

You should also get the AL involved and explain the situation. The roommate has the right to sit in her room all day, but if the TV is supplied by the AL then it must be shared. Also there should be "house rules" in place regarding use of TV and radios. Most leases address this issue. Look under "quiet enjoyment" of premises.

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A tablet would be great for the woman who feels like she has to crank the TV up at full blast. With headphones and the tablet, she's in her own little comfort zone.

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If you are saying only one tv can be played at a time is due to the volume of roommates tv, then buy both of them a set of the headphones. It's something new and some older folks don't like to try new things, but if there not communication barriers with roommate, just explain how both can now watch tv. Once roommate and your mom try them, they will probably see they can actually understand the talking on the tv much better when outside noise is eliminated. Check out the 'as seen on tv' section of your local walmart. Relatively cheap fix.

The NH staff can help you make this transition, too, because both patients should be able to enjoy their room. Even company coming to visit your mom would have a difficult time talking over a tv being so loud. Your mom should not have to find a quiet place to talk. Roommates have to accommodate each other.

There should be no reason both of them can enjoy programs they like at the same time. (I would be frustrated as heck if I couldn't watch movies that I like from time to time!)

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Wireless headphones are expensive but might solve the problem. My dad has a senheiser brand that recharge on a stand when not in use. we used these before my father finally agreed to get hearing aids. Ideally they both should have a set and then both TVs could be muted. Otherwise see if you can change roommates.

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Wireless headphones are actually pretty INEXPENSIVE IMO. But the problem is that they must be charged. Macy’s had wireless headphones on clearance for $22 right after Christmas. They were $39 a week before Christmas when I picked up a pair for my son. I do have an expensive set & i use them for 20 min a day at the gym and they last 5-6 days before they need to be charged again. The cheap pairs, like my sons, have to be charged daily so that could be an issue if the resident forgets to charge them.

The TVs in my FILs nursing home are actually connected to the wall, not the bed like I previously posted. It’s a small flat monitor with a long arm that is secured to the wall so that you can move it closer to you or completely out of your way. And you can plug head phones in to the monitor. We visited FIL today and his roommate was watching TV, I could hear it but it wasn’t blasting by any means.

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Any creative ideas on how to handle Assisted Living roommate television issue?

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