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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
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VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Can you give her something else to hold while you remove the pants. Try taking them off when she is in a quiet room, and warm. I am guessing that taking them off makes her fell vulnerable. And the temperature of the room makes her feel cold. Not that she could articulate "vulnerable" but taking your clothes off sort of leaves you exposed. (my "mom" for as long as I knew her would only change in the walk in closet. Looking back now I think she probably would have been diagnosed early on with MCI possibly early onset dementia)
Try to give her , her own clean pull-up to hold and pull at. I babysit and the baby was doing the same thing. I give him his own clean diaper to hold . He loves it .
Wouldn't you hang on tight to your knickers if someone was trying to rip them off you?
1. Show her the clean pair and explain it's time to change. 2. If she says the ones she's got on are fine, remind her how long she's been wearing them - e.g. they've been on all night, I think you'll feel much comfier with a quick freshen-up. 3. Say what you're doing step by step. 4. If you need her to help, offer simple prompts and give her time to follow them. 5. If she begins to resist mid-process, offer reassurance that "we're almost done" and up the pace.
Have you ever worked in patient/client care? When you have a limited amount of time to get numerous tasks done, there can't be all kinds of games and beating around the bush to get a soiled diaper changed.
Now factor on the 'stubbornness' which is likely dementia related. Believe me many times a caregiver has to just force it and change them. You have a good idea about showing her a clean one and telling her it's time to get changed. This often works. Sometimes it doesn't though.
I always say that a person recovers a lot faster and easier from a little bit of neccesary "firmness" (what I call firmness others may call intimidation) then they do from incontinence-related skin breakdown or a UTI. The most important thing is making sure it gets changed.
Regardless of her mental status this can be confusing and emotionally painful for her.
You are trying to simply keep her clean, but this is her most private of private parts, something she was probably taught to always cover and protect and it can feel extremely invasive and even terrifying to have someone literally rip your pants off.
If she was sexually assaulted in the past, unknowingly, you could be uncovering painful personal horrors.
As some writers mentioned, it could be the cold that is making her most upset, (Cold and wet together can make one feel extra chilled). Add the bad smells that are amplified when the pants are removed and it is understandable that she might prefer to be uncomfortable over freezing, chilled and sensing that she is suddenly extra smelly.
She could also feel as if she is being treated in a humiliating manner like a baby or an animal; maybe this makes her feel stupid. unsophisticated or less than human.
Tell her this is a safe place and she should consider herself getting a common and basic spa treatment.
Try putting on soft relaxing music. Use soft warm washcloths.
Always act swiftly and efficiently treat her aged fragile skin with a gentle touch.
Follow up with a “treat” of sorts or try to make sure she feels dignified and valued - a nice conversation, watching a favorite show, or allowing her to help with some task around the home so she feels useful.
You could try using incontinence pads instead of the pull ups. They are much easier to get on and off and you don't have to take off her underwear or pants. They just go on like the ones for your period, but they are more waterproof. They have a strip on the bottom that you pull off and then it sticks to the underwear.
I recommend getting the extra long ones that are very absorbent for at night. But, you could use them anytime. They are also much more comfortable than pull ups or diapers.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Try taking them off when she is in a quiet room, and warm. I am guessing that taking them off makes her fell vulnerable. And the temperature of the room makes her feel cold. Not that she could articulate "vulnerable" but taking your clothes off sort of leaves you exposed. (my "mom" for as long as I knew her would only change in the walk in closet. Looking back now I think she probably would have been diagnosed early on with MCI possibly early onset dementia)
Also in my mom's later months she took comfort in hooding a small teddy bear.
I babysit and the baby was doing the same thing. I give him his own clean diaper to hold . He loves it .
(I'm thinking FALLS RISK 😯)
Or in bed?
Agree - hold a clean pair to *help*.
Or a teddy bear, pillow, rolled up towel. Anything for her to clutch.
"Can you hold this please?"
"Thankyou".
Rip rip.
Roll roll.
All Good.
1. Show her the clean pair and explain it's time to change.
2. If she says the ones she's got on are fine, remind her how long she's been wearing them - e.g. they've been on all night, I think you'll feel much comfier with a quick freshen-up.
3. Say what you're doing step by step.
4. If you need her to help, offer simple prompts and give her time to follow them.
5. If she begins to resist mid-process, offer reassurance that "we're almost done" and up the pace.
Have you ever worked in patient/client care? When you have a limited amount of time to get numerous tasks done, there can't be all kinds of games and beating around the bush to get a soiled diaper changed.
Now factor on the 'stubbornness' which is likely dementia related. Believe me many times a caregiver has to just force it and change them.
You have a good idea about showing her a clean one and telling her it's time to get changed. This often works. Sometimes it doesn't though.
I always say that a person recovers a lot faster and easier from a little bit of neccesary "firmness" (what I call firmness others may call intimidation) then they do from incontinence-related skin breakdown or a UTI.
The most important thing is making sure it gets changed.
You are trying to simply keep her clean, but this is her most private of private parts, something she was probably taught to always cover and protect and it can feel extremely invasive and even terrifying to have someone literally rip your pants off.
If she was sexually assaulted in the past, unknowingly, you could be uncovering painful personal horrors.
As some writers mentioned, it could be the cold that is making her most upset, (Cold and wet together can make one feel extra chilled). Add the bad smells that are amplified when the pants are removed and it is understandable that she might prefer to be uncomfortable over freezing, chilled and sensing that she is suddenly extra smelly.
She could also feel as if she is being treated in a humiliating manner like a baby or an animal; maybe this makes her feel stupid. unsophisticated or less than human.
Tell her this is a safe place and she should consider herself getting a common and basic spa treatment.
Try putting on soft relaxing music. Use soft warm washcloths.
Always act swiftly and efficiently treat her aged fragile skin with a gentle touch.
Follow up with a “treat” of sorts or try to make sure she feels dignified and valued - a nice conversation, watching a favorite show, or allowing her to help with some task around the home so she feels useful.
I recommend getting the extra long ones that are very absorbent for at night. But, you could use them anytime. They are also much more comfortable than pull ups or diapers.
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