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How would you treat them if they came. Since they don't spend that much time there, do you think you would display any resentment towards them for being absent so much?
ha ha ha. Many threads about deadbeat siblings. Don't they know how much you suffer and sacrifice? Surely if they knew they would pitch in and relieve you of some of the burden? ha ha ha.
You'll find that deadbeats have a lot of rights, starting with the right to be as close as they want to be. And if that means they call every six months and say "Hi MOM!" and that's it, then that is the relationship they choose. And that's their right, to be deadbeats.
One of my three sisters did get guilted to the Light Side, after about six years of distance because of resentment and anger at how Mom treated sis's jerky husband. However, on these forums, you will rarely hear of a sibling who can be persuaded to help and "do more." The family that works like a team is rarer than hen's teeth. Good luck.
reenyz: You can always use GUILT . 'It's the gift that keeps on giving.'.. Lord knows that many of the people that I have been reading about on this website, have had it used on them enough. Seems to work fine to keep them doing someone else's will. So maybe you ought to ask them how to play the 'guilt card' more effectively. I'm no good with subtleties like playing the guilt card. I'm more of a "Get over here and see your father before he dies. You lazy, selfish, ungrateful person!" See? Now that, I understand :)
I feel this may go a bit deeper than visiting dad now... maybe someday they will regret not taking the time.
Do you live closer than siblings? Were you always closer to dad than they?
Sometimes what goes around comes around in family relationships. There are always two sides to the situation.
Step into their shoes... you may find the answers.
One thing assured when your father dies, you will find comfort knowing you did the best you could... you tried... and you can not control the actions of others... it is on their shoulders.
Are you looking for a visit or help with care? Are you concerned that your father is unhappy because they don't visit? It is their loss - I feel sorry for them with that attitude. As for your father, he may be sorry they don't visit, but older people have a different perspective and it probably does not bother him as much as it bothers you. I agree with the others who have written - don't keep your hopes up that you can change your siblings. Be glad you have the generous spirit you have.
Dear you should hire someone now before it gets to be too much for you. Maybe someone can come in one day a week.
Don't count on deadbeat sibblings, if they haven't offered to help you yet, it won't get any better. However know that the more you do, the less they will.
Check around I'm sure there are agencies where you can interview people. You do deserve a break.
quite honestly.. you cant.. you can try talking to them and telling them that its beneficial to your father etc.. or you need a break and need someone to help you out, but in the long run.. they'll either do it or not...i know thats disheartening, but its the sad truth..maybe you can take your dad to see them? I dont know your situation so im just throwing that out there..
sit and talk to them all and try to come up with a solution!! once a week might be too much for one.. but im sure at least there can be a "more often".....
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
How would you treat them if they came. Since they don't spend that much time there, do you think you would display any resentment towards them for being absent so much?
You'll find that deadbeats have a lot of rights, starting with the right to be as close as they want to be. And if that means they call every six months and say "Hi MOM!" and that's it, then that is the relationship they choose. And that's their right, to be deadbeats.
One of my three sisters did get guilted to the Light Side, after about six years of distance because of resentment and anger at how Mom treated sis's jerky husband. However, on these forums, you will rarely hear of a sibling who can be persuaded to help and "do more." The family that works like a team is rarer than hen's teeth. Good luck.
You can always use GUILT . 'It's the gift that keeps on giving.'.. Lord knows that many of the people that I have been reading about on this website, have had it used on them enough. Seems to work fine to keep them doing someone else's will. So maybe you ought to ask them how to play the 'guilt card' more effectively. I'm no good with subtleties like playing the guilt card. I'm more of a "Get over here and see your father before he dies. You lazy, selfish, ungrateful person!" See? Now that, I understand :)
Do you live closer than siblings? Were you always closer to dad than they?
Sometimes what goes around comes around in family relationships. There are always two sides to the situation.
Step into their shoes... you may find the answers.
One thing assured when your father dies, you will find comfort knowing you did the best you could... you tried... and you can not control the actions of others... it is on their shoulders.
It is their loss - I feel sorry for them with that attitude.
As for your father, he may be sorry they don't visit, but older people have a different perspective and it probably does not bother him as much as it bothers you. I agree with the others who have written - don't keep your hopes up that you can change your siblings. Be glad you have the generous spirit you have.
Don't count on deadbeat sibblings, if they haven't offered to help you yet, it won't get any better. However know that the more you do, the less they will.
Check around I'm sure there are agencies where you can interview people. You do deserve a break.
Hope this helps.
quite honestly.. you cant.. you can try talking to them and telling them that its beneficial to your father etc.. or you need a break and need someone to help you out, but in the long run.. they'll either do it or not...i know thats disheartening, but its the sad truth..maybe you can take your dad to see them? I dont know your situation so im just throwing that out there..
sit and talk to them all and try to come up with a solution!! once a week might be too much for one.. but im sure at least there can be a "more often".....
Best Wishes!