My parent in their 80's (not suffering from dementia) constantly instigates fights either with myself or others. The subject of the fights usually isn't personal but eventually escalates to that point. My parent watches nothing but 24-hour news shows or network talk shows that are similar. The instigating starts by bringing up something political or some socially inflammatory piece they've just seen or heard. Or they will make something up claiming that they saw or heard for the sake of getting the fighting started. Even when they're warned in advance if we're going to a social outing or have guests not to start anything political or inflammatory and even go far as to state what things they will not try to pick a fight on, it's no use. They manage to do it. We cannot have family gatherings or friends over because the visit or events always gets turned into a soapbox/forum for my parent to get into it about politics or some socially inflammatory subject matter. At this point we don't entertain friends and family at home anymore because when my parent has a bigger audience will work double hard to instigate the fighting and yelling. Any suggestions on how to stop the instigating before it starts? I would really appreciate any advice.
You go. You look to her needs. You have done the best you can at that point. Sad that she ruined her own b'day party.
They recently have allowed outdoor visits at mom's place, but with restrictions (mask, 6' apart and no food/beverage, so as to keep the mask on.) So much for the cupcakes and ice cream I brought. Figured if we're outside and that far apart, we could at the least do that! Nope. Between her almost non-existent hearing and dementia, it was 99% a waste of time. C'est la vie!
Inform her that her drama queen theatrics is neither appreciated nor tolerated. She either straightens up or she ships out. It is harsh but in the end there will be a lot more peace in your household.
I depend upon You, Holy Spirit to help me set Godly boundaries in my relationships. I depend upon You to guide me in the proper use of these skills to nurture loving relationships while purging myself of toxic folks who only bring unnecessary drama and chaos to my life.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
courage to change the things I can,
and wisdom to know the difference.
One former office mate, who was VERY Christian and even wanted to be a nun, had a version of this prayer that may be more applicable for us!
Here's what I found online for that one (tongue in cheek remember!):
A Prayer for the Stressed
Grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage
to change the things I cannot accept,
And the wisdom
to hide the bodies of those I had to kill today because they got on my nerves.
While trying to find the text for the second one, I actually found this one, which might be helpful to those who often feel like they have failed their LO or feel guilty when they shouldn't:
God,
grant me the serenity to stop beating myself for not doing things perfectly,
the courage to forgive myself because I am working on getting better,
and the wisdom to know that you already love me the way I am.
Do some online research about narcissism and going "grey rock ".
It's not easy, but has been a sanity saver for me.
Most importantly, do NOT engage them!!! Change the subject or excuse yourself.
Sounds like you already realize that you will not win any type of argument. So for your own sanity, don't bother trying.
Best of luck!
God bless!
I feel you though. I find myself often with the person in my life start to tell them something and then think to myself "oh, better not" It's just easier that way.
They are entitled to their opinion even if as is the case with my mother and memory loss her mind is fixated on certain points and does not allow the reasoning my husband attemps at times to be considered seriously or at all.