I've been visiting with the mother of one of my best friends who died this past spring due to cancer. I'm still in shock or disbelief I guess. I know how much it hurts me. I can only imagine what his mother is going through. Her grief is palpable. We share our feelings about him, the unfairness, the loss.....and are planning to visit his grave soon. I thought this would get easier, but, I'm still hurting and so is she......I'm not sure she's going to get through this.
the fn pain never goes away .
Someone aptly wrote....
Grief never ends, but it changes. It's a passage, not a place to stay. Grief is not a sign of weakness, nor a lack of faith. It is the price of love.
The best gift you can give to any bereaved parent is to speak their child’s name and ask about their child. I think what you’re doing is wonderful. The pain never goes away but softens over time. It’s been over 40 years for my parents and three years for me. Hugs and blessings to you both.
It shouldn't happen.
You can develop coping mechanisms, but I dont believe to ever "move on" as you do from the loss of a parent or a spouse.
One of the phrases I cringe whenever I hear it from others and that has been echoed here several times is, "I can't imagine what you are going through." Please imagine or don't, but stop saying it. Simply, saying, "I am sorry," is a thoughtful and kind response. Another one is, "Is there anything I can do for you?" A hug is helpful too.
As I get older (67), I miss not being a grandmother or having grandchildren of his to see the generations in my family grow. Seth was my only child. I encourage people having children to have at least two. My older sister passed away, and I see how fortunate my mother (89) is to have me take care of her and all the myriad of extensive responsibilities it entails. It is critical to have an advocate as we age and I represent that for her well being. I am also acutely aware that I have no one as both husband and son passed away.
One of the books I read on grief shared how it is not something you get over like a cold or the flu. Our children will always be a part of us--the most we can hope for is to find a way to integrate the loss into our lives. I teach college math and by helping other students that were my son's age when he passed, helps me give back to them in their quest for success.
See All Answers