I am the one who lives closest to my mom. I have taken care of both of my folks for many years. All I asked my brother and sister to do was to call me periodically so I could explain what was happening to my folks. They refuse and only call my mom (dad passed away last year). She doesn't know the full story on most things, but they refuse to call and check it out with me. Now they are trying to tell ME what to do and I'm the one here, they aren't. I'm so frustrated! And they are BARKING orders at me from AFAR! Who this ultimately hurts is my relationship with my mother! Just wondered if there were others out there who have experienced sibling issues. (Also.....my brother handles the finances and is POA from 10,000 miles away!)
When my dad got sick I emailed them all constantly. I wanted them to know what all was involved in taking care of their issues. There are so many details involved in taking care of an elderly parent. Siblings just don't realize all of this.
I've learned that if I know in my heart that I have done the best I can, then I will be happy with myself. Whether it is finding her the best assisted living facility that I can based upon her needs, or taking care of her in my home. That is what I will take to my grave. Whatever my siblings have to say about it all is all based upon their own guilt at not doing their part.
I can totally relate as I have 2 older brothers who live with my parents. I can count on my older bro and not my younger one. Anytime my parents need help in any way my second bro act ignorant and care two hoots. I use to fight a lot with him as my dad sacrificed a lot of money to educate him . But today the only thing he does is stay at home and behave like a tenant and only pay for the house installment shared by my other older bro. When my mother had health issues ie Alzheimer's it was me who did everything for her and till today it's only me and my dad who really takes care of her needs. I can understand your pain. It's bad enough we are going thru a lot of pain, mental torture taking care of of sick parents but to not have any kind of support from siblings is even worse. It's hard I know but the only advise I can give you is pray to GOD for strength if all else fails. I stopped expecting anything from my siblings for a while now and to be honest it works better the moment you stop expecting. First step , slowly learn to accept you can't change your siblings behavior . Secondly do what you can in your own means and don't push it too much and be hard on yourself. I learnt all this in a very hard and painful way when my health took a bad turn last year. I learnt I need to live for my own family as I have 2 kids and a husband who needs me as well. We need to be there for them as well. We can't torture ourselves and think we can change them . Just slowly try to let go and stay away from them to keep your sanity else it's going to destroy your health and mind.
Im looking forward to having more control so when mum and I move into my house when sis visits I will not be there and she will see for the first time just how hard this is! cant wait!
Hugs to you its so hard when youre on your own but one day we will have peace just hang on to that! 10yrs is a long time to have your life on hold please try and get doing more things for yourself because when this is over its all about you and your life this is what keeps me going that one day I will have peace and wake to look after ME and noone else!
Like your mum my brother and sister are the golden ones they can do no wrong sometimes ive been driven mad thinking she MUST know they dont spend time with her she MUST realise that I am here caring for her? I think deep down they manipulate us because we have a heart and they play on that!
My husband's sister has problems. Hated me, my girls, my pretty French sister in law. Trouble maker. No one really dealt with her when my husband's mother was alive. No one would talk about the elephant in the room. But when my mother in law died, something happened. She is now nice and trying very, very hard to make amends. I know she is taking some medications and they seem to work. So maybe your sister in law is mentally unbalanced as well. Have you discussed this with your brother? She may just need some medical care and things could be much better.
Cindy
Cindy