I am the one who lives closest to my mom. I have taken care of both of my folks for many years. All I asked my brother and sister to do was to call me periodically so I could explain what was happening to my folks. They refuse and only call my mom (dad passed away last year). She doesn't know the full story on most things, but they refuse to call and check it out with me. Now they are trying to tell ME what to do and I'm the one here, they aren't. I'm so frustrated! And they are BARKING orders at me from AFAR! Who this ultimately hurts is my relationship with my mother! Just wondered if there were others out there who have experienced sibling issues. (Also.....my brother handles the finances and is POA from 10,000 miles away!)
If they email, reply only with "call me."
You wish your mother would love and value you. You deserve it, but you won't get it, especially as she gets older and more demented. You need to value yourself, and you need people who will agree with you that you are worthwhile.
Look to your friends, if you have any who haven't abandoned you. Look to your church. If you don't have one, consider choosing one, because it will help you feel how much God loves you. Can you get counselling, from a therapist, a pastor, a support group? Even try Al Anon. The people there learn to be self-loving in spite of the craziness of alcohol, which is a lesson we all need.
You are a good person, even if your family is too messed up to realize it. Come back and vent here whenever you want.
Now my mom has another medical problem and wants me to contact both of them with information. I'm not willing to do so, as neither one seems willing to work with me and support all that I have done! So, talking with my mom tonite, I said I would communicate with them only if they would ever call me and find out from me what's going on. She basically tells me that they are much TOO BUSY and don't have time for that. In other words, their lives are important and mine is NOT! I'm now at the point that I don't even want to help her out! I think of all that I've done, and I guess she's not seen how much I've done to help her out. I'm so depressed!
As SA says no POA NO CARE my mum wants me and another brother POA as we are the ones living here and im the main carer the rest are abroad and only get home 2 times a year.
WHY has your Bro got POA i just dont get it?
My sis rang from abroad last night SHE WANTS POA I told her that I would share POA with anyone in this family but her AND if she manipulates my mum into her even being part of it I will walk away and leave it all to her.
2 months ago she tried to buy this house off my mum for half its value behind our backs KNOWING that my mums house is the only ASSET she has to pay for her future care in a NH??
Blood thicker than water my ASS! I am half dead from trying to protect my mum from a thief of a SIL, a grabby hasnt seen her mum in 2yrs sister,a devious other sister who sobs on phone then tries to SCREW us behind our backs THANKGOD myself and my 2 brothers are so honest or my mum would be in serious trouble we have nothing but her welfare in mind therefore WE get POA!
I feel your pain. I feel your frustration.
Assuming that they are just misinformed, and basically well-meaning, can you email them with a detailed explanation of the current situation? Write it out and remove all emotions - just the facts, Ma'am. Offer details from doctor's visits, and suggest they "check up on" you by calling her doctor or other caregivers. Inserting my personal prejudice here: break it up into paragraphs! The white space makes it easier to read.
Tell them you want them to understand the situation because you want Mom to get the best care, and you want family peace for her sake. Lie a little and say that you love them, and want them to know that Mom is getting good care, although she would benefit from visits.
Most people here have discovered that other people don't change. You can give them more facts, and try to get on their good side, but if that doesn't work, most of us have to learn to accept that WE have to be the ones to change. You have a wish to be recognized and respected and loved for all your hard work. You deserve that, but sometimes we don't get what we deserve. I hope you can get that respect from your mother and your friends.
Your siblings feel guilty because you're doing everything, so they're picking on you. That's unfair, very common, and may not ever change. The change you may need to make for your own serenity is to give up your expectations of how they should behave.
Feel free to come back and complain, because it's a painful situation you're in.