It’s me again. Start here to get caught up :
https://www.agingcare.com/questions/am-i-being-unreasonable-468312.htm
So My MIL did not move in with us last summer but she did spend the holidays with us and that went ok. Everything was fine until last month. After a series of events, she ended up hospitalized and has been hospitalized for nearly a month. I convinced my husband to put her in rehab after she’s discharged from the hospital but Now he is talking about her moving in with us again. I can’t believe we are back here again but I’m sure you all aren’t surprised this came up again. Now even her brothers are telling him she needs to move in with us. Its so frustrating. My husband already travels too much and I have my hands full with the children. This is not going to work. I told my husband this is not a good idea. He says im being unreasonable. My biggest concern is, What if rehab doesn’t help her? What if she remains total care? I’m not breaking my back trying to roll her over or lift her up.
I can't believe how quickly her health failed and how
many issues she now has.
Stay strong and do not let MIL move in. Good luck.
- Him? No. He works. Also travels frequently.
- You? You said No.
- Home Care Agency Aides? Can MIL pay for this?
Is he stuck at 'We'll figure it out'?
Will he hire a hospital bed for the garage & have the kids as sitters when Aides are no-show or late?
This is an older woman who has many health needs. Put her needs as PRIORITY. Not his hero-helper-wish or reluctance to say no to bullying family members.
And if he pitches a fit, you look him in the eye and you say this "I have tried to discuss this with you in private. You have refused to discuss details or even listen to what I have had to say. So you left me no choice but to lay it all on the table here. I will not be held responsible for your mother's care. I HAVE other responsibilities, and those are my only priorities. I hate that you are unable to see your way clear to understand, but that is not my problem. Your mother is unable to do even the first thing to take care of herself now, and she cannot come to live in our home. Our children need my full attention. And you will not be there to provide her care. There will be no one else to provide it but me, and I cannot possibly give anyone else my time. You need to hear this loud and clear now. We don't have anymore time for you to pretend this is going to work. You cannot fix this for her any other way. You do not have an obligation to physically take care of her, and you are not the one that would be doing it anyway. You are voluntelling ME that I will add your mother to my responsibilities and I am TELLING you now that it will not happen. Let me be perfectly clear. If she comes to our home, the children and I will be leaving our home. And you will STILL have to figure out who will be taking care of your mother. I'm not your free caregiver plan because you don't want to make the hard decisions!"
And then you have to stick by it and not let him bully you into doing this. I'm afraid this is one of those unfortunate times when an ultimatum is called for and it's a hill to die on.
Lucky (unlucky) turn of events that resulted in a hospitalization.
I am so glad for you that Hubby realized that you were right and that her care was more than either of you and both of you can handle at home.
I would tell all "She moves in and I move out. Same day. No fuss, no muss and no argument."
Ahmijoy, who used to post here so beautifully was great at teaching folk to just say "NO". One word, two letters and full stop.
Up to you. Your choice. You can be a human being with free will or a doormat for whomever tells you what happens next.
I wish you the very best. But as you said, to their minds YOU are the problem.
YOU are also the one not making your needs clear. So it IS in fact all up to you.
I hope your husband will never bring MIL back home again. She's too sick. At 300 lbs, yeah, you will literally break your back helping her. It's just beyond ridiculous to make you her FT nurse on top of taking care of young children.
If you are as bad as me you seldom remember to look for dates and to see if this is an updated post. It is. Fed up has good news for us; be sure to see her recent update to us.
18 hours ago:
FedUpWife45
18 hours ago
After 100 days in the nursing home for rehab, she realized she didn’t want to live permanently in a nursing home anymore. I get it but living with us isn’t the answer either…" (end of update)
I wonder, Fedup, if you can update us now on just what is happening? The responses have updates going back as far as February; Margaret was unable to find you post in which you said that you accepted her back home and you and your hubby then agreed that was no doable, and she was in care, apparently after that for some 100 days.
I am confused as to where this all stands now. I wonder if you could start a new thread "Update from FedUp re MIL current circumstances.
Best out to you.
We still crack up about that today, about 13 years later.
Op, tell them to shut their damn pie holes! 😂