She has been here for over 2 yrs.& we've tried to show love & compassion. tried to make her as comfortable & welcome as we can, but she has never been happy. she is now delutional & paradoid on a daily bases. got up in the night looking for my grandson. took me a long time to convince her he was safe at home with his parants, but she kept wanting to go outside to look for him. finally got her almed down in bed, but of course i couldn't sleep after that. can't use slid inside only bbolt loks because my husband comes home at 4or5am. both her dr. & mine say it's time, but it breaks my heart to think of trying to bring it up & deal with the emotions. just need some advice.
First, find the appropriate facility. Make the financial arrangements.
Only when you are fully read for the move, explain it your MIL. (Perhaps it would be more appropriate for your husband to explain it --??) Don't give her days and days to agonize over it or argue about it or try to guilt you about it.
Our situation was different in many ways, but our mother also had dementia and had become too much to handle at home. We told her the day before we moved her that we had found a very nice new home for her. My sisters managed to have her furniture moved in and her pictures on the wall before I brought her there. That helped a lot.
I know that you are dreading breaking the news to her. I don't blame you. But realize that the telling will only last a half an hour or so. There may be a day or so of difficulty after that. But she's lived with you years and I'm sure you have dealt with other difficult issues that lasted at least that long. You CAN do this. You will get through it. And keep in mind that you are doing this for her own safety as well as for the sanity of your family.
Let us know how this goes for you. We care.