Just 2 days ago was put on hospice care. I not only have heart disease but my spinal cord has both a degenerative disk and a bulging disk. On top of that my hips are very arthritic and my knees are very painful.
I refuse morphine. Last September I had a heart cath and had a stent put in my chest, since then the pain never stopped.
I have insomnia, long term .The problem with pain meds is they cause severe constipation.
Unlike many I fear death, no one knows what happens at death. Guess I am saying even in extreme pain. I wish to live.
BUT
You should NOT be on hospice care if you wish to live!!!!! I can not emphasize this strongly enough!!!!While doctors sometimes fudge the numbers today to get you hospice, thinking you will get extra care, the truth is that Hospice is END OF LIFE care.
The purpose is to administer DRUGds in levels to keep you out of pain even if those drugs do HASTEN YOUR DEATH. And other than a couple of bedbaths a week, an RN who takes your BP once a week, and a call from clergy and social worker, today's Hospice is good for little else other than drugs.
Given that you ARE on Hospice I would CAUTION you to tell the nurses that you wish to live, and do not wish to hasten your death, and do not wish to take drugs at any level that may hasten your death.
Do you understand that you will NOT be taken for treatment at the hospital, Bh???
Because it doesn't sound to me as tho you are ready to give up treatment.
Again, I am worried for you. You do not seem to want to die, to give up treatment, and do not want to take pain killers at levels that may hasten your death.
Talk to your doctor and tell him this.NONE of your conditions are immediately life threatening. You have had a stent. You can have many drugs and procedures to keep muddling on heart wise. Palliative care (not Hospice) can avail you of better pain treatment and better pain meds for the spine.I am a huge fan of Hospice, and especially hospice as it used to be, but the prime imperative is that YOU must know what YOU want. You are step one. If you are not ready to give up, then you shouldn't be on Hospice.
I wish you the very best. Speak with the Hospice nurses and social worker and clergy to get your thoughts straight and if you aren't ready for Hospice show them the door; they will be there if you ever want them.
Regarding pain management, different kinds of pains respond to different classes of drugs, all of which have different side effects. Perhaps you can ask your doctors for a reference to a palliative pain management doctor. In our case we have a long-standing family allergy to the opioids, so those impacted have had to work around it but there’s usually a way. We’ve been told even fentanyl if appropriately monitored might be an option, but only you who know what your pain is and what you want out of your life. Hoping you and your docs can find another solution soon.
Have you talked to your hospice provider about an alternative to morphine? Both of my daughters have been on morphine; both say it doesn't HELP with pain, simply makes you not care. I would be asking about high doses of Tylenol 3 and the like.
As to your fear of death, are you a person of faith? Any faith? Have you considered talking to the hospice chaplain?
Please keep posting here. We care about you.