I got a phone call last night from my dad's assisted living informing me that a nurse had observed him and another resident having consensual sex when the nurse stopped by his apartment on her rounds. I was very uncertain how to respond. I confirmed that it was consensual and then said "Well, at over 100 years old I'm just glad that he's able to have sex and enjoy himself." The nurse was quite taken aback and then I asked if there was something she expected me to do. She said no, that they were just obligated to tell me. My question is should I be concerned (I don't think so) or should I talk about this with my father (I don't think so) or what do I do with this information besides try to put the picture out of my mind?
Everyone knows their parents have never had sex! 😉
Good for Dad, I say. Tell the nurse you don't discuss your sex life with him and prefer not to discuss his with him.
You might tell him to put a sock on the door handle, though. That's the internationally accepted warning to dorm roommates.
Your response to the nurse was perfect.
Around that time, one of my SO's friends mom's went into a NH/ALF and had multiple BFs and was "boffing (I won't use the word that was used) up a storm."
I'm like, be happy for her! She was widowed already. And she remains an adult. If they want to do adult activities there should be a do not disturb sign on their door and the nurses should just shut up about it.
At 100+ years old, who cares about STD's? That's another matter between your father and the woman or women he's having sex with whether THEY want to be tested for diseases! I'm all for treating adults like adults and keeping private matters private. That's what I'd tell the nurse the next time she calls you, too.
I think that crosses lines when they know it is 2 consenting adults. Maybe they need reminding that they still have all of their personal rights and freedoms until a judge declares them incompetent, because that is the only way an adult American citizen loses their autonomy, besides being incarcerated and that's still a judge making the decision.
I would tell them to leave them alone and let them have their dignity.
Here's what you do with this information the nurse told you.
Absolutely nothing. It's none of your business. The same as it's none of your father's business how you get down.
The nurse should not have been taken aback by your response. Your father is old not dead.
As for STD's these people are in assisted living. Who are they meeting and sleeping with outside of the AL? I wouldn't worry.
If the AL is OK with the residents, um, 'hooking up', and it is consensual, I guess I would just try to forget the image and 'maybe' talk to dad. Although that is not a conversation I'd know how to handle.
Is your dad and the other person (I can only assume it was a woman, but you never know..) lucid enough to make these decisions? Her family may not have the same outlook that you do. That would be my only concern.
I imagine the nurse has 'seen it all' so to speak, but at least she called you. Bet you didn't sleep well after that.
(I have heard that the rate of STD's in these places is really quite high, so this isn't all that unusual).
My dad is over 100 and, although has limited short-term memory, is capable of making decisions in the moment. When he moved into this Assisted Living they were very clear that his apartment was his - he could have overnight guests (he had a long term 'girl'friend that he traveled with and I know they spent nights in each other's home). I've always known that he was considered quite the 'catch' amongst the women who live at the Assisted Living and that he currently has a resident girlfriend so I guess I wasn't as surprised as I could have been! I did confirm it was consensual so I imagine that they may have contacted the other family before they called me. It was just something I didn't need to hear as I was preparing to go to bed!
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