My Aunt (80) is recently widowed (1yr) and lives alone, has CHF, COPD, depression and has a drinking problem. My Aunt is competent but she will not be around much longer unless she gets 24 hour care but refuses. Any advice?She falls and goes to ER several times a month. She has 5 children and no one seems to be taking a stand. They hire live in help and my Aunt fires them after a week. She fell again last night and went to ER and received staples in her head. She has fallen more times than i can recall. She has knocked out teeth, black eyes.... I know she is severely depressed and really doesn't want to live. She is also back to smoking with severe emphesema. My mother (her sister) has dementia and when her symptoms put her life at risk. I took her keys and she moved in with me (with full time help) Once her life was in danger she had no choice and luckily didn't fight it too bad and thankfully is doing much better. I don't know what my cousins can do legally because my Aunt is competent but she will not be around much longer unless she gets the help and 24 hour care she needs but refuses. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
Sounds like your Aunt's 5 children have tried to take a stand like hiring caregivers to which your Aunt refused. The children probably had tried until they are blue in the face to have your Aunt move some place that has a higher layer of care for her, either with one of them or in a retirement community. Sometimes you can't make a person with a sound mind move anywhere... my parents were that way. Very stubborn.
Who is calling you with the reports that she was in the ER and/or of all the falls? Are your cousins relying this information? It was a major crisis that finally has my Mom living in long term care [not what she had planned] and Dad looking at Assisted Living. But apparently with your Aunt even with all the trips to the ER she still wants to keep independent.
GardenArtist, here in my area, the 911 system keeps records on how many times they have visited a household. And I remember the EMT's asking my parents if they lived alone or had caregivers. How frustrating when I had to say my parents refuse caregivers.
I think an intervention by the family is appropriate in this situation, but what I don't understand is why someone in ER hasn't already considered or done this.
The children could call APS, but I would also call the hospital administrator where your aunt goes for emergency treatment and alert her/him to the situation, asking with whom someone could speak to add an alert to her electronic chart so that the next time she comes, APS is called to intervene.
How does she get to the hospital? If by EMS, I would alert them as well; I believe they have mandatory reporting obligations and could also contact APS to get intervention.
I don't know if ER physicians prescribe anti-depressants, and I suspect your aunt won't see a doctor, so she may be locked into a downward spiral.
I do think that she's made her decision and isn't going to cooperate even with APS though.
Is there anyone in the family of her age who could speak frankly with her, even if she resists and won't cooperate? Was she religious? Any friends from church or a pastor, priest of other person who could intervene?
I feel for the family; from what you write they're doing their best but your aunt is set on an apparent unchangeable course.