She needs help with everything except eating. I put her to bed at night and get her out of bed in the morning.
I don’t think she realizes how close to tears I am most days. My home has become a nursing facility and I'm the only employee. My parents didn’t plan for the future, and she can’t afford AL. Everyone says, “She took care of you and now you get to repay her.” My kids are grown; I think I deserve to have fun as my husband prepares to retire. Thanks for letting me vent.
Here is what I am planning to do. I have already gotten a part time job. It’s to help with the bills, but it gets me out each day for a few hours. I’m checking out dog daycare for my dog and while she’s gone, i will have an aide come in a few times a week and bathe my husband, change his bed and him. To not have to do that a few times a week will help my stress level because I have gotten to the point I dread it.
If you don’t take care of yourself, no one else will.
As for the people who tell you that you need to repay your mother for taking care of you, that is so terribly unfair. I don’t know any parents who feel that way about their kids. Just shake your head and move on. These people have no clue.
First, happy Mother’s Day to you. You have no idea what a blessing you are to your mom. She may not express it but I’m sure this was not how she would’ve wanted to you to feel so emotionally drained and exhausted.
My mother suffered a hard fall and it’s only been two weeks but already caring for her has taken a greater toll on me. She is not able to walk at the moment and I’m sure it’s partly muscle soreness and the other fear of falling again. So I’m dealing with trying to get to do her PT but not been too successful at it today. I’m hopeful tomorrow will be better. I’m very fortunate to have a very caring and supportive husband. He keeps me calm and helps me with lifting and moving mom.
We both love gardening, so after seeing to my mom after dinner. I joined him to go to a garden center. It was refreshing to step out of the house if for only about 45 mins.
Take time to enjoy your Mother’s Day do something you enjoy if only for a few minutes.
Blessings and prayers to all caregivers for strength and discernment in the care of those we love most.
Would that make it all all right? Would that mean that this job is not overwhelming, exhausting, stressful, often murderously boring, and of uncertain duration?
You look after your mother because in spite of everything you do love her and you do feel responsible for her (whether or not that's fair). But it is STILL incredibly hard, and you are still entitled to think "this sucks." And so it does.
So, what can be done that would help? You say your mother can't afford AL, and evidently you're not prepared to look on that as being her problem and let her take whatever care is provided for people who can't afford to pay. But that doesn't mean she can't afford *any* care, or any help for you. What about respite breaks? Have you looked into what services might be available to her locally? Any support, any time off, has got to be better than none at all.
I know it is hard and no one understands unless they are in, or have been in, the situation. You will be better off ignoring those who don't have a clue. They have no idea and they never will.
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