Reminds me of when the kids were little and needing to get out for some adult time!
I am so tired of hearing about the location and severity and type of pains. What time she got up to pee. What hours she slept. Etc etc. And, of course, we have to add in some b.m. talk, which I reallllly hate. Please, spare me the gory details.
I feel like banging my head against the wall.
It's worse right now since hubby is away on business so it's just me and mom.
Having said them, I share your pain! I truly empathize with you. Hugs!
With my dad, as he liked doing things but couldn’t remember how to mostly, I’d deliberately pop out a lens of my sunglasses and ask him to fix it back in for me. Just needed a bit of pressure. But if he couldn’t it didn’t matter - just kept him busy for a bit. I’d get peas to shell, and we would chat about the large garden he had before and the wine he’d made. Sure I knew it but sometimes a new memory would surface for him.
Distraction therapy of past hobbies and interests helped quite a bit initially. But even these have their limits. If they’ve truly lost interest.
Dad enjoyed my taking him to the pub for Sunday meal. The locals were great and helped him do crosswords etc whilst having a chat. It got he was more concerned about certain kind locals being there when he was than whether I would be around - and I was the one taking him lmao! But that provided a focal point for him. They were great - stenching blood re falls - he was on warfarin. Yelling if he’d fallen in the loo so I could go sort it out .... whilst enabling me to have conversations with others too when there. ( er at the pub - not whilst in the loo!)
Befrienders are volunteers who can sit in with your mum whilst you have a short break - going shopping or to the gym.
Respite care is also invaluable whether day or over night or a few days. It’s good idea to start it so that in the event you need a few days urgently for something they already know how to cater for her needs.
Baring that, try talking to her of your interests, goals, achievements and dreams - hard if they are disinterested but still a topic more of interest to you. Show her old family photos and see if she remembers everyone/events.
I had a freezer full of peeled potatos, carrots, shelled peas, apple sauce - some of which I used in meals but they could peel/ shell more than they could eat!
I’m so sorry as it’s frustrating but I hope you can find a solution that works for you both for a while. It’s an ever changing situation - just as you sort one issue out or make it bearable - it alters or another crops up!
It can help if you see how many many times you can get your mum to laugh or smile at something each day. I found I focussed on that rather the number of repeated comments....
Best of luck and and hope you manage to get to the gym regularly soon.
Maybe I just have to purposely get out of the house every day to do something alone or with friends. I've been thinking about getting back to the gym for one thing.
Any ideas for how to steer the convo to more interesting items? Maybe I have to do a google search on conversation starters and one or two prompts in mind of things that *I* find interesting. Yes, it's all about me, right??
Is it totally mean to tell her that unless it is something serious, I really really really don't want to hear about her bathroom issues?
I am the type of person who wants to get to the root of problems and FIX them. Soooo not my mom. She wants to complain and wish her troubles away. Ugh.
I guess today is my day to whine and complain. But, at least, I am trying to improve the situation. At the expense of my dear readers!
Thanks for all the suggestions and compassion. It means a lot.