I want to bring my mother home from a nursing home . I can retire early January 2014. She has dementia and does not walk or talk. She has good insurance and befits. I need supplies and a lift from the chair to the bed. I need help to see what all I need to make this a easy transition.
pad of any kind. We have been to the Dr.etc. There is not much mom can do
for her self,so to LOLOlewis we all love our mothers but you will not have a life
for some time, all your time will be spent on seeing to your mom.
I have no help other than a home attendant who comes three days a week to give mom her bath and do light housekeeping. On the days when she doesn't give her a sponge bath I have to help this girl get mom in the shower with the hoyer lift. Mom is a full figured gal and its not easy. I read somewhere that back problems are the most common health issue among caregivers and I have to agree.
Between getting mom out of bed, getting her in the shower, getting her from her bed to the wheelchair, getting her from her wheelchair to her lift chair.....even changing her diaper and stretching across the bed to do so whether she is on one side of the bed or the other is backbreaking work. I find myself using TENS or a massaging device on my back each night and even sometimes I take advil to alleviate the pain.
Mom has osteoporosis and on one leg its bone on bone...so standing is too painful. Thus lifting her from chair to bed etc. is the only choice. Being alone with all this is difficult for me on days when perhaps a cable goes out on her fully electric hospital bed and I have to flip it over to fix it, or when her TV or lift chair isn't working right. I tell mom I wish she had a son for this stuff but I am it...both son and daughter, caregiver, nurse, cook, physical therapist, entertainment....and my friend if you are thinking about all this...you will be all that and more as well.
I am lucky in that my mother and I can fight, debate, converse, laugh and discuss issues. She does puzzles, reads books voraciously, and talks up a storm. I know more about her now than I ever did.
She knows how difficult it is for me to change her diaper ( I call it payback) and how tough it is for me to find work (it has been two years). But we always say goodnight to each other after I put on her bipap mask at night and she always says thank you.
I am exhausted and don't know what kind of energy I will have when I return to work, nor what I will do to get more help for her here at home. I know that recent reports say it can cost an average of almost $80,000 a year to keep someone in a nursing home. She has been there already and she hated it as much as I did. So while it may seem that I am tired and unable to have a social life or a job yet, I am glad to have her home, alert and alive.
Just weigh the pros and cons before you venture into the caregiving world.
It's good to do the compassionate thing when one knows better, but not necessary to be a martyr. The love and forgiveness part-- them not knowing what they did, or that they did their best-- is valuable for our healing and growth:) xo
I also suggest a small wireless camera to place in her room with a clear view of her bed or area. I have one and it is a life-saver because I can see mom even when I am not in there with her. And she just has to speak to me as if I were in the room because the camera includes audio. I also have an intercom in her room that she doesn't use but which I can speak to her with, from my desk where I spend my time when not doing chores. It saves me a trip and sometimes she just needs reassurance that I am around. Also, we sometimes just converse a little bit through the combination of the two. It is a help for both of us in many ways.
BUT be warned!!!
IT IS HARD.
It is mentally exhausting and emotionally draining and takes up ALL of your life.
I am rewarded in that my mom and I still converse and can laugh and kiss and hold hands. She doesn't always call me by the right name...sometimes calling me by another daughter's name. But she knows I am her caregiver and I love her.
The rewards for me make it worth it. I sometimes wonder what I would have done had she had dementia. If she didn't know me it would have been a thousand times harder to do. It would hurt me and break my heart...I might feel as if I was taking care of a stranger. But my mom is still my mom even if her personality isn't the same as when she was more independent.
THINK about it.
My Mom was moved from her house (where I took care of her) to an assisted living place for 2 years, and now in a WONDERFULLY attentive nursing home. I visit her almost daily - sometimes for several hours, and usually I feed her at least one meal. I am now able to ENJOY my Mom more - and sometimes help to prepare her for bed (change clothes, wash face, take out dentures, etc) out of love.
I suppose it's a noble thing you want to do, but why do you want to give up your job, your freedom, risk your own mental and physical health?
Not only might this shorten your life, but the stress of moving her at this point will not be good for her, either. Please rethink this. Nothing to feel guilty about. Continue to visit her at the home, retain your own unencumbered life:) xo
Father and I learned the practicalness of caregiving by watching the govt caregivers when they come. We learned how to shower her in the middle of the bathroom, to lift her up and off the bed. We learned a LOT from the caregivers. And I asked a lot of questions, too. They were eager to share.
In the beginning, it wasn't too bad. I bought a house across the street from mine and moved her in. For many years I was able to continue working and care was minimal. About the time I thought I had this down pat... she got her meds changed. All HECK broke loose! She started wandering, became violent, forgot who we were, and became completely narcissistic. Within a few months she fell and broke her hip. Then I had to move into her house with her. I was then a FULL time caregiver. I was only at my house long enough to throw a load of laundry into the washer and dryer. I had to quit my job to stay home, pay people to stay with her so I could get away for a few hours, and beg and plead with relatives to sit with her long enough for me to head to the store or go to one of the grandchildren's functions (i.e. soccer, music program, etc.). Although many of my siblings and children live close by and ALL lay claim to helping... NOBODY would help unless I pitched a fit! My hubby and grandchildren were more help than ANYONE else!
By the time mother died last month... I was at my rope's end. The stress darn near killed me. That said... if I had to do it again for mother... I would! I don't plan on doing it for anybody else though. My sister has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's... and its a safe bet my younger brother has it as well... they will both go into a nursing home. I cannot invest that much of myself into their care.
Good luck. You have to do whatever you can live with. You are the one who has to look in the mirror each day and say, "I did the right thing." Nobody else can choose what is right for you. We can merely support your decision and be here to listen.
Have a GREAT day!