My brother, an m.d. and the DPOA of my mother's healthcare, recently pushed to enroll my mother in hospice. There is no known terminal diagnosis and when I ask my brother what the diagnosis is he remains silent. My mother has periods of lucidity as well as confusion since she had a laminectomy under general anesthesia. How can I find out what the specific diagnosis is that qualifies my mother for hospice?
Perhaps your mother asked him not to reveal her diagnosis. Perhaps he knows/thinks that you will be upset by whatever he reveals to you. Perhaps there is unspoken family baggage here.
I would suggest that you get in touch with the hospice social worker and chaplain and discuss your concerns.
My mother-in-law was transferred to a hospice, and she was physically fine. BUT she refused to eat, and her Health Care Proxy stipulated "no feeding tubes, or artificial means to prolong life, and a DNR". She did have dementia, but had given up her will to live.
I would definitely look into this, the way "Babalou" suggested. Speak to her nurses also. Hope this helps ... Good Luck and God Bless.
I feel for you. I do. I think I would feel as you do.
But on a practical level, your mother is now on hospice. Medical personnel say she meets the criteria. One of two things will happen:
SCENARIO 1
1) Mother will continue to decline.
2) Hospice will do all they can to keep her comfortable.
3) Mother will die.
(This was the case for my husband. He died 5 weeks after enrolling.)
SCENARIO 2
1) Mother will improve.
2) Hospice will keep her comfortable but realize that she no longer meets the criterion of being close to death.
3) Mother will be discharged from hospice.
(This was the case for my mother. She was discharged about 3 months after enrolling. That was nearly a year ago.)
Whether you know the terminal diagnosis or not, one of the two possible hospice scenarios will occur. You knowing or not knowing will make not one fraction of an iota of difference to the outcome.
Your brother is empowered to place Mom on hospice, with her approval is she is lucid enough, and within the guidelines of the program itself. Accept that.
He is not telling you the exact diagnosis. I have no idea why, and I can understand your frustration. I join other posters who've suggested talking to the hospice social worker. If it is meaningful to you, also talk with the chapline. Get comfort from whatever source you can!
Do not let your conflicts with your brother interfere with your relationship to your mother. Please, continue to visit her, comfort her, love her, and be there for her without regard to what your brother does.
Please note that in order to go into Hospice your Mom had to be referred by a doctor [maybe your brother] but there is also a Hospice physician assigned to the Hospice group, and he/she also makes the call if someone is ready for Hospice.
Surgery is very difficult for an elder, it can send them into delirium and/or worsen dementia. Yes, there will be time when the elder sounds clear and alert, but that comes and goes.
Manis, are you a son or daughter? There are times when a woman your Mom's age doesn't want a son to know her medical condition if the condition is female in nature.
manis1954, from your other posts, it looks like your relationship with your brothers is dysfunctional. I am so sorry. In previous posts you were given a lot of advice about pursuing a change in POA and/or consulting a lawyer, to bring you mother to live closer to you. Did you follow up on any of that advice? What was the outcome?
In any case, my previous answer on this thread stands. I do feel sympathetic to your situation. Talk to hospice personnel. Continue with a loving relationship with Mom.
Good luck!
What she has to do is, get records from her mother's doctor that states, the earliest dates of her diagnosis as to when the change in her mental health started. Also, get some follow-up records, showing it's progression. Compare these dates, to when she signed the POA.
DON'T go directly to the lawyer ... Of course he's not going to jeopardize his reputation. Adult Protective Services (APS) may be able to help you with this.
I don't know what your brother is up to, but there's obviously a reason, he's being so secretive. I also don't know what state "manis1954" is from, but I've been through this with two families I cared for, in both NY and FL. It split the family in half ... The POA in both instances was up to no good. The one POA, (in FL) wasn't even related to the person, and does this as a career.
Good Luck and God Bless.
I thought relatives, (that are doctors), can not treat family members?
What happened to the doctor that has been treating her, in the past?
I don't know if there's any legal standing, regarding this .... Something you might want to look into.
It is the hospice doctor who determines the eligibility for hospice, often with consulting the primary care doctor.