Brutal visiting nurse; Any advice?
Need to vent a bit, friends. I’ve been upset about this since Friday and it’s not going away. Where else to come but...here?
Husband has not been feeling well for two weeks. I brought a cold home from the daycare where I work and he got it. Because he is bed bound and immobile, he is still coughing and coughing. I obviously cannot get him to the doctor so I contacted my very unfavorite home visit physician agency. For some reason, they have put us onto a home healthcare agency. Their nurse has been out three times in a week. She is very outspoken about the way we live. She points out every lapse in housekeeping and does not approve of our animals. She says the presence of the animals could be contributing to my husband’s issues. She does it in a mildly threatening, derogatory way. The house IS messy. I KNOW this. But threats and insults won’t prompt me to organize it. I couldn’t imagine going into another woman’s home and doing what she has done to me. She doesn’t know our circumstances and doesn’t seem to want to know. She has told me I should quit my job so I will have more time to clean. She doesn’t have an idea of how the (little) money I make would be replaced. She doesn’t seem to understand that before I got this job, we couldn’t even afford a tube of toothpaste. The bank had preprinted overdraft notices for us. I suspect her next crusade against me will be my handling of the finances.
If she would, as the old Indian proverb says, “walk a mile in my moccasins”, I’d be more willing to listen to her. I know she most likely wants to help. She did mention that she’d been reported for her tactics previously. I can understand why. I feel like an absolute worthless fool when she’s here. My stress level skyrockets. She is also brutal and insulting to my husband. Last Friday, she as much as said she will report us if I don’t take steps to get the house organized. There are no bugs in our house; no mold and no rotting trash. Yes, it’s disorganized. But for six years, my life has been one trauma after another. It occurred to me this weekend that the worry over my husband has been constant for 16 years, since his stroke, a third of the time we have been married. This nurse doesn’t know and doesn’t seem to care about any of that.
I hesitate to call and ask for someone else. My husband needs care. So far, she really has done nothing for him. She said she would ask their patient coordinator for something for his cough but we are still waiting. Meanwhile, with his heart issues, I’m sitting here terrified.
Thanks for letting me vent. ❤️👍🏻
I don't suppose it would help to complain and request someone else?
I’m not begging her for sympathy and I certainly am not asking this relative stranger to feel sorry for me. But, when all is said and done, hubby still has the cough and still has not received any treatment. She is due to come out Wednesday and if she starts another rant, I’ll stop her in her tracks and ask her what the plan is for MY HUSBAND and not the house. That is, after all, why she is there.
Thanks!
I took the advice of all of you who had my best interests at heart and called the Home Health Agency. I was very polite and respectful but told this nurse’s supervisor that we had to make a change and why. She was shocked when I shared with her that the nurse had told us she’d been reported previously for her attitude. There was no hesitation on her part to assign us another nurse. She apologized profusely.
I cant even adequately describe the relief I feel. I will, of course, continue cleaning the house. Grandsons are coming over tomorrow to help me shovel out the garage.
Thank you to everyone who posted support and advice. Once again, you’ve come through for me. Love y’all!
Hugs!!
PS I hope that this was a question, not just a need to vent that shouldn't get annoying suggestions in return. You have every reason to vent, and you have my sympathy. Some people should never get that little bit of power that makes them feel able to boss other vulnerable people around.
This Nurse is out of line. She is not APS or the Health Dept. Her job is to come in and care for your husband. Put in a complaint and request she not be sent back to ur home.
We too,had some awful nurses through the 3 and a half years that Mother was on Hospice and it just made a hard time even harder.
I had one that fell asleep at our table when she was going over Mother's medicines and another one that said she hated our cats and the last one we ever had,Mother and I dreaded her every visit.She looked for & created problems instead of helping to fix them and tried to stir up trouble.Neither Mother or I deserved her treatment so there was no choice but to call and ask for a different nurse again.
It bothered me to call and ask for another nurse,but it was even worse dealing with the ones we had.
She is intrusive, and has caused you a set back.
She has had too many chances, stand at the door, do not allow her to set foot in your home again.
Of course, you will call to make sure they send someone else.
May I ask, how it is you have allowed yourself to be intimidated by someone so blatantly wrong? This is so unlike you......from reading your posts all these years, you are a strong woman Ahmijoy.
Right now, I can only agree with what she says and show her I’m making an effort to take the best care of him possible which I am. We will just have to deal with whatever comes up next.
Now, I'll get off that high horse I'm just so frustrated by the way you are being treated. I would encourage you to call and demand a different nurse now, I understand and appreciate your instinct to give her a fair shake but you have and she has not done the same in return, she and her agency are paid buy your insurance therefore she works for you and you do not need to be paying someone who is accomplishing the opposite of helping you. If the agency isn't able or willing to accommodate you get another agency. Just because this is the one you were set up with by the doctors office doesn't mean you have to use them, the doctors office should have multiple agency's they "work with" and they should be made aware that there is a problem with this one so the next over taxed wife isn't put through the same thing.
A good nurse is irreplaceable, decent nurses are interchangeable and a nurse like this needs to be cut out of your life, no worries, no guilt. They work for you, you have been paying for insurance one way or the other for years to pay for this service. On top of that having this added tenseness and your discomfort in the house is not helping and might be hurting DH recovery. I urge you to call now and have someone else come out this week test results and all. It doesn't matter if this nurse is exactly right in fact her approach just doesn't work for you and that's ok, yours and your husbands comfort and trust are key here.
I almost wish we could get him to the hospital to be seen by a cardiologist. I may seriously explore the option of having him use medical transport and make an appointment with a cardiologist. These home visits are fine if you don’t have a true medical concern. But if you do, I’m afraid they’re worthless.
Great job standing up for you and hubby. He deserves to be treated when a med professional is called in without you being torn down.
We raised our BIG family in a tiny house. I mean, we were on top of each all the time. It just never was a good time to upsize...but we did the best we could. Everyday my house was clean for about 30 minutes and then the kids came home....my MIL used to come visit and she'd perch on the edge of the sofa with this disgusted look on her face.
No matter how much or how hard I cleaned, 7 people living in a 1700 sf home--there simply is not room.
One day after all the kids were grown and gone..Dh got home from work before I did and commented to me over dinner that he had finally realized that *I* wasn't the problem--it was the simple fact we had too many people in too small a space. By no means am I a hoarder, but let things go for one day and it will look like we've been invaded by aliens. Dh is a messy creature, for sure. I am sick to death of cleaning. But it has to be done.
The only person who EVER gave me crap about not having an immaculate home was my MIL and I would just sit there and steam about it.
And my 'me' time is usually spent on this site or roaming the internet.
Sounds like you must get a different visiting nurse. ASAP. She's not helping dh at all!
I am dreading this nurse’s visit tomorrow. I absolutely cannot wait until she stops coming. She has done nothing for DH. I had to call the physician’s service myself and ask for medication for his cough. She couldn’t even do that for him.
Thanks for sharing!