Hi all,
New here. Have been caring for my 80 year old mother for a long time. She is bipolar so there's always been a level of care associated with her mental health challenges that she cannot help. It's hard on her, it's hard on me and my brother.
As she's aging, I'm noticing declines in her decision making, her ability to manage spending money (I manage her monthly budget and give her spending money because she has spending problems), her overall understanding of the world because she hardly leaves her apartment now.
She looks to me for everything - I feel like I'm parenting a third grader and I'm realizing recently, I'm angry. I'm resentful. I'm tired.
I probably need to work with a therapist or someone to help me navigate these feelings. Has anyone had luck with that? Her ederly behaviors seem to trigger a lifetime of frustrations related to her bipolar that we've been dealing with for a long time.
Ugh. Why is this so hard? I'll take forty teenagers any day over the elder care, which seems to trigger, frustrate, and anger me more and more lately.
Advice? Experience?
Thanks,
Laura
Get out of this horrible situation by any means possible and move on with your OWN LIFE NOW. Consult with an elder care attorney for guidance about placing mom in a facilty.
Best of luck.
I feel for you, I really do. I've been there and am there now. I would definitely advise therapy. You have to vent this in real time with a live person who can help you cope and help if you are feeling depressed.
But know this, everything you are feeling is normal and nobody, and I mean NOBODY can push our buttons like the person who installed them.
Peace to you and I hope you do find a therapist, they can be great help. You're dealing with a lot!
Best wishes to you.
Thank you for responding. It means a lot.
Laura
I think I need to develop more of a relationship with her psychiatrist too. So, she can guide me as to what's what. Her doctor was the one who told me today we need to off load the responsibilities to someone else.
She's right.
:)
This is helpful information. She received alimony from my father and when it comes time for a care facility, that will need to go away I think.
She doesn't have assets but she makes too much "read 30K" a year and doesn't qualify. Without the alimony it would be under 24K.
Thanks for the advice. I'll start researching that so we have a plan.
Just today a number of people here have told me to get out of the caregiving I’m doing.
Just finding people to fill these roles and managing them seems like a full time job.
I can't believe I've gone from feeling love and compassion for my mother to constant resentment and anger. Who is this person I'm looking at in the mirror? How did I become these feelings?
I'm thinking a therapist can at least hear me vent - I don't want to vent to my adult sons - this is their grandmother whom they love deeply.
Sigh.
This just sucks.
Thank you for your response. It's hard to wrap one's brain around but I think I do indeed, need to come to terms with the fact it can't be us providing the care. It's too much.
She on medicare though with no resources for facility care unless it's a medicare approved facility. Starting that research seems like a lot. Sigh...