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(((((Victoria))))) I understand. My mother had Borderline Personality Disorder, my father was an alcoholic, though he was nurturing. My sister has something similar to mother but colder. I was the scapegoat, the family servant. And I also was the only one who ever sought therapy. I accepted being POA to mother because I would not have wanted my worst enemy to have my sister care for them. But. I would never let my mother live with me and I limited contact with her. I did caregiving from a distance. Fortunately she was good at managing her money so I didn't have that to deal with. Nonetheless, it was very stressful. So glad you are out of it now.
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BurntCaregiver May 2023
@golden

I too was the family scapegoat and servant myself for a long time.

I sought out help and went to therapy and highly recommend going to anyone who grew up in a family like mine.
No shame in my game.

I truly believe that people who grew up in abusive homes like we did should not be caregivers to their abusers when they become needy.
Many of us make this mistake because there had been years of abusive conditioning.
It's always a mistake though and the abused child/caregiver is always the one who suffers the most.
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Lie... tell dad if he has his tools they will get stolen. You are keeping his money safe because people are trying to steal it. This is what I told my daddy. He wanted his money, his car and his guns. I gave his guns to his grandson, I was on his accounts at the bank and his car was in the drive - and disabled. I just told him what he needed to hear so that he knew everything was safe. Some people will tell you not to lie - but what is going to be easier? not lying and have them upset or lying and there be peace. My daddy was at peace because his car was "hidden in the garage", his money was in "his safe under his bed", and his guns were "locked" up.
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Only if you wish to, but would it help to unload about how Dad's mental health was (going back)?

My experience was that nobody really talked about these things, it was all kept in the family, people just accepted someone had their 'quirks'. I still felt that stigma, that protection that I couldn't disclose anything, after being an adult for decades. Even after, I dunno.. 6 councelling sessions. Silly I suppose. I have mentioned it on the forum (our safe space) & only recently mentioned in passing to my Doctor that my Mother had always been.. pause.. "unusual". The look on his face was *interesting*. He gently probed like he wanted to get a feel of the damage under the surface... We parked that convo there as not any immediate threat to anyone's health (but probably wrote "family nuts" on my file or something LOL.
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BarbBrooklyn May 2023
Beatty (((hugs))).

I recently unloaded to my doctor about my daughter's crazy actions. Don't know what he scrawled in my chart, but we had a good conversation about parenting adult children with challenges, boundaries and the like.
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Victoria , I was recently wondering how you are . And now see that you just responded to another’s post below . So sorry that it’s been difficult . Share and vent when you are ready . (((((Hugs)))))))
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((((((Victoria))))) I have been to therapy off and on all my adult life. I am glad you have that support now.
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