Called my mother's doctor! Ugh
My mother has been showing signs of dementia for a while now. She now is starting to talk to people who are not there. And she has made comments about our 3rd floor walls being wet or covered in ice, which were not true. I grew up in this house the walls never feel wet, let alone have ice on them! There are other signs as well.
So, I called my mother's Dr and talked to the receptionist and told her who I was and who I was calling about. I went on telling her that I understand the HIPPA laws, & Dr & Pt confidentiality laws. I stated "I am not calling about any of my mother's health conditions, nor her treatments."
I explain my concerns to the receptionist and asked, could she put a note in my mother's file to check for dementia "memory test" and for a "CBC" infections.
The receptionist told me "no", there was nothing she could do, just that I could go to my mother's appt with her. I explained to this lady that my mother won't let me, and she said, "sorry can't help you".
Than I asked the receptionist not to tell my mother that I called because it will start a fight between my mother & me, and she could get very aggressive and could possibly do something to me. The receptionist said, "sorry I have to tell her, because you have inquired about her medical condition." I told her " I didn't and I was very clear about that. The receptionist said, "well, I will tell her you called". I said, "ok, but you are starting a problem." She said, "oh well, you shouldn't have called" and went on to tell me to have a good day. Ugh
What am I to do to get my mother the help she needs if no one listens to me? And why would the receptionist have to tell her?
I feel like I am watching a train wreck & nobody sees it or will listen to me.
Maybe I am just asking for too much! I'll just wait for my mother to go into a frizzy or fall before I can help her. I know my mother will get violent with me at some point!
Why would the receptionist need to tell my mother? Again, I never asked any questions about my mother's healthcare!
Just needed to vent! Ugh
34 Answers
Popular Questions
Related Questions
- What were the first signs of dementia for your loved one?
- Regarding stages in dementia or Alz, my 92 year old mother just made another step down the ladder. How should I handle this?
- My dad has dementia, eyes are closed more and sleeps more. He continues to have falls. Are these signs that the dementia is advancing?
- What are the stages of dementia?
I did tell my mother that I called her dr because my BF and I was concerned about her health.
Later she asked me what I wanted to know, so, I told her I wanted to know what her CBC, HgH, Pt and wanted to know how her memory was. I told her I was concerned that she could have an infection that is messing with her momory.(lied)
She gave the dr my note I wrote for him. So, her dr wrote a note back to me using some medical terminology & what her numbers were, which she doesn't know medical terminology.
Her blood work numbers he gave me are in normal range. He thinks dementia is mild, but sending her to a neurologist who specialize in Alz/dementia (memory test)
My mother thinks she is seeing the neurologist for an infection. But hey I'll take it. "What she doesn't know won't hurt her!"
If I were you, I should write a bare-bones summary of what you tried in vain to get across to Mrs Hitler there and send it, marked Confidential, to your mother's GP. You can do it by post, or electronically. Head it "Report, for information only." There is nothing in any law, code of conduct or indeed on God's green earth to prevent a doctor from receiving and noting information about a patient.
Now, to Mrs H's insistence that she is obliged to inform your mother that you called. I really doubt that, and I suspect her supervisor will put her right. Nevertheless, since in practice these *blasted* types are a bit of a law unto themselves, let us prepare for the worst.
So your mother toddles along for her next appointment, where Mrs H, no doubt bristling with her own self-importance, is delighted to inform her that you rang to speak to her doctor. She had *better not* phrase it as "rang your doctor about you" because that would be a gross misrepresentation of what you did, but this is a worst case scenario, so say she does. She's not the sharpest knife in the box, we know that, and she's not one for constructive discretion either. Ugh.
So your mother comes back with steam coming out of her ears and demands to know what you thought you were doing.
There is... plausible deniability. They say I rang? No idea what that's about. When was this supposed to be?
Or, there is... brushing it aside. Hm? Oh, that - yes, sure, I was just checking the date. (even better if she expects you to ferry her there and back, or there's some other reason you might need to know when her appointment is)
Or, and this wouldn't be before time, there is open defiance linked to sound rationale. Yes I did. There are things that your doctor needs to know. You're not telling him. Somebody needs to. So. What about it? Wanna bite me?
What sort of violence have you in mind?
The other reason to try again to flag your concerns with the doctor is this. Once the information has been passed to them, if they ignore it and something preventable happens, you have it on record that they *were* told.
That doesn't mean they can stop your mother falling or deteriorating because your mother is still free to refuse investigations and refuse treatment. But it does mean that her doctor will be in a better position to manage his patient to the best of his ability. You can but try.
I have been able to talk to the nurse off to the side about my moms change in behavior and conditions, the Physician as well. My mom and I get checked into the room at doctors office- tell my mom I have to use the ladies room, hence opportunity to converse with nurse and or physician in the hallway or sometimes I had to wait outside hallway prior to physician going into the room and explain my concerns. Is it sneaky, YES.. but it worked.. This was the early stages of many "battles" with my mom. Hang in there and do not give up since you know your mom more than anyone else..
So to Ugh I offer prayers. May you be granted boldness, strength and the means that quietly and patiently demand, yes demand to speak with someone above any one that is rude, condescending or belittles you!
Your mother IS important as are you. It's not all about us knowing that these people deal with many patients but that is not an excuse we should except. As a senior (76 yrs. old) I see especially seniors, agree with anything they are told they need, what & how to do it. Age does not = stupidity! I wish you better days and leave with a funny story? I took my husband for an eye exam, a young lady calls him in saying his name in a very loud voice. He rose and said " I'm old not deaf!" 👍🏼 His hungry now, gots to go.
God bless.
Good luck if Mom is explosive it will probably light a fuse if she finds out.
I would write a letter to the doctor about the receptionist. She is the first person you talk to and should be more sympathetic to your concerns. I have been a receptionist and know what is expected. I have told a doctor that it would be nice if the receptionist could at least smile. I had one who didn't even acknowledge me until I said something. I stayed with a Dentist not so much because I liked him but because I liked his staff.
A second letter with your concerns about your mother should be sent marked personal and confidential. You should not have to send this second letter, the receptionist should have done as you requested and put a note with your concerns in the chart.
See All Answers