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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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I play music that he loves, a tape about his childhood that his sister recorded for him, use Bach Rescue Remedy and, if it is very bad, give him Diazepam that the doctor has prescribed. Fortunately the last is not often needed these days. He also has ayurvedic herb Bacopa, which seems to be working. And when the sun is shining a walk in his wheelchair is a welcome distraction. Good luck.
I wrote my mom a note that is right next to her bed so she can read it every morning as soon as she wakes up. It explains the situation, gives hope, explains our love, gives her direction on what to do next and basically it's meant to calm her down. One of my brothers thought it was a stupid idea, but after my mother explained the comfort she receives from it, even he changed his mind. She's had it four days now and she's had four good days in a row! Good luck to you and your husband, it's very hard.
It sounds like you are on the right track. Music and the tape are awesome solutions. Have you tried essentiall oils. Lavender, Frankincense, and red thyme are the oils I have used but there could be others. Seek out an aromatherapist for other oils. I have also found art therapy to be effective. Clay and play doh work well, but even finger paint can be very fun. I always look for art therapy ideas online. Also if he was handy in his life sometimes model cars, Legos or erector sets can connect him to higher levels of his mind and calm him.
My mother doesn't remember current events but does have great past recall memory. My brother was always her favorite, and she loved children and music. She, also, still thinks her mother and father are alive. During her times of anxiety, I put on a DVD of any movie with children. She immediately calms down and becomes engaged with it. Or, a conversation about or promise that my brother is coming over calms her. She always finds comfort in knowing that we are going to visit "moma Jean," her mother. I've found that being alone keeps her fearful, so I'm always in the same room with her. Unfortunately, we have to pretend a lot with her, but, whatever keeps her calm and peaceful, I'm willing to try. Medicating is not one of my options as my mother is very healthy and does not require any other meds. Her only problem is dementia.
You remove yourself from the situation and he will calm himself. Exercise, exercise, and give him a project he can do. Music in his long-term memory calms. This too shall pass...
Ilovemom, loved the letter, great idea. I also put on music. If that did not work i would take mom into her bedroom where it was quiet and no other distractions. If still upset, i would give 1/2 of a seroquel. My mom seemed to have a delayed reaction to some things. If a therapist was therein the morning, then she would become aggitated in the afternoon.
medication is one way to go, lots of pictures if you have a free wall hang pictures in a timeline and label them if possible with names and dates, music and if all else fails just go with it.In nursing homes we would just make sure the patient couldn't hurt them self or anyone else and let the patient work through the outburst and Im good with talking and one trick I found is to ask whats wrong and if its an object that is making the person angry remove it and try to redirect the persons attention with something they like. One man liked food so when he would outburst I would convince him to come to the kitchen with me and get a snack and I would always agree with the patient as well.
Find something that taps into his old interests. My husband likes to play modified card games and stack up poker chips. He plays his own version of solitaire. He received a book with short chapters about his college football team and surprised us by reading it out loud. I don't think he understands it, but the subject and names in the book are familiar to him.
A small does of Xanax helps. If you can take a nap by 2:30 p.m. so you won't lose it and get crabby with him because he will get crabby too. I take my husband to the Rec Ctrs. He can go on a treadmill and the rowing machine. Exercise helps both of you. The encore western's channel keeps his attention for a while. The old Westerns are pretty simple.
I've learned that if I agree with him and try to direct him in another path he will usually forget about what is upsetting him and go in another direction. The few times this hasn't worked I have stepped back and left him alone to work it out but kept him in eyesight in case he fell or tried to hurt himself.
My father used to love doing puzzle, latch work rugs, etc. He wasn't capable of any of those things any more ;because of severe dementia, so having him help roll coins, even a child's lite brite , (where you put the pegs into a hole on a screen and make a picture and they light up) used to help calm him down and keep him busy.. Going for rides helped a lot, too, but most of the time he was worst at night which limits the things you can do. Playing his favorite songs and encouraging him to sing along also helped.
Rayed1 - I have found that different times in different stages require a different approach. That is what is so frustrating about this cruel disease. You will think you find something that works, and then it doesn't, and you have to find something new. I have used music a lot. I also found a television station on cable TV which plays some of the classic rock, mostly 50s, and my mother with Alzheimer's Disease sometimes finds that comforting. Coloring worked for a while. But honestly, if her geriatric psychiatrist had not put her on a mild dosage of Seroquel, I think we would have lost her mind. All of the other things were definitely helpful but the Seroquel was essential at one point. I am sure that is also going to change.
For us the seroquel worked the entire time. If we had to give an extra dose it went from a half pill to a whole. You are so right, what works today may not work tomorrow.
ilovemon2, what did you say in this letter that you wrote for your mother? My mother, who was always somewhat of an "interrogator" and now has some dementia, will ask questions about things for which I have limited information, and she seems unable to grasp that asking the question over again or rewording it simply won't enable me to give information I don't have. One other time I wrote some explanations to questions she often asked and taped them to her meal cart (or whatever it is called!), but the staff at another nursing home didn't seem to think this was a good idea. I've thought of trying this again for another issue she's obsessed with now in her current nursing home.
This is your husband. No one knows him better or loves him more than you. He is probably afraid and on a lucid day he knows he is going to die from this. Just hug him every time he is upset. Be honest. Tell him you know he may be afraid and you know he is sick and it is not good but that you will be right there with him always through everything. My husband had Alzheimer's. He passed away when he was 62. I always reassured him and I kept my promises. You can do no more. What life deals you is not always fair but he will feel safe if he knows you will be there.
Something I tried with my dad was to play music from his teen years and oldies I knew he liked... then I asked him random questions about his youth. Even though he didn't know who I was that night- his mood changed from argunentive and confused to being talkative and he was happy to tell me about the good ol'days
I agree with Jeffrey & Patrice, seroquel has saved my sanity and calmed my husband down, and also now sleeps through the night. These are very small doses, nothing that will make him " loopy" just calming. Talk to the Dr soon. I assume you are asking how to keep him calm as he is having outbursts and rages, that's what I went through. Once you get the med started and he's calm then the music and all the other ideas mentioned here will also work. Your husband will follow your lead, if he's enraged and you get mad, you're looking into the eye of the storm, just stay calm and smile and try to change his immediate thought pattern to stop the anger.
just be careful with small objects that they don't put them into their mouth. music sounds nice, or looking at photo albums or other picture books of things that they used to like (birds, cars, etc).
Jacobsonbob, my mother is in assisted living and can't remember where she is at, that she nearly falls every time she stands and she can't remember to hit the button on her wrist for help. My main concern was her falling in the morning, so I wrote...
***MOM*** READ THIS 1st BEFORE YOU GET UP You have a bracelet on your wrist, please press the button on it right now. You have weak legs and need help to stand. A very nice person will come and help. MOM, you have been confused in the mornings, your memory improves all day, so do not worry. Your kids are nearby and will be along later. We love you. You have this cute apartment now, because your home was no longer safe for you. This is a wonderful place and they will help you. PRESS THE BUTTON ON YOUR WRIST, PLEASE
Sundown Syndrome, A Caregivers Guide is a great resource that can be found at Amazon. If you have a Kindle it is free, or purchased for a reasonable price. It is written by caregivers and doctors.
Jacobsonbob's idea is fantastic.Writing reminders and helpful stories like the written by Jacobsonbob it can be very effective. Just remember to keep it short and simple.
Ann, that was a note I wrote to my mother, Jacobsonbob asked me what I wrote to my mother to calm her down . You are correct, it should be kept simple and big writing. The truth is, it's her heart that is weak and her memory doesn't improve during the day. It is more simple for her to understand it's her legs. Also, it gives her hope, that her memory will improve later, even if it doesn't. It lets her know she is loved and in a nice place. The thing it does the most is it stops her from getting up and falling 1st thing in the morning. We leave it right next to her bed and she reads it 1st thing.
ilovemom2--Thanks for letting us know; this looks very helpful.
I have to go through a routine as follows:
Mother) Why did Dad die? I) He was 90 and was very weak because of his health problems. His heart finally gave out. M) I mean YOUR father, not mine. I) YOUR father died 31 years ago at age 89. MY father (your husband) died this past May, and he was 90. M) I thought he was only about 40. I) No, he was born in 1923 and died in 2014. He was over 90. M) Oh, I miss him so much. I) I know; [my sister] and I do too.
I've thought of writing something to summarize this so I don't have to go through this routine every day. Mother is hard of hearing (her hearing aid got lost in the nursing home), so her reading this would save my voice (and, admittedly, my patience, too!).
Jacobsonbob, I went through that last year when my brother died. Every morning I had to tell my mom all over again that her son died. It reminded me of the movie "50 First Dates" Drew Barrymore had amnesia and could never remember her 1st date, so Adam Sandler made her a video to watch. My brother added photos to our letter. It also helped that death situation to hide all the reminders, my life improved a ton after I removed their photos, they were too painful and confusing for her. I know how hard it is, the letter worked for us, I really hope it works for you too.
First find out the reason for agitation, it wasn't until I took my Ma for a walk outside one day and she started walking really slow, so I asked why, She said her feet hurt really bad and had for months [new to me] so in the street I took off her socks n shoes and because she had settled into the resthome, and put on weight her shoes no longer fitted her. Took her back to the car and drove on down to the shoe shop while feet were hurting so I could get a good response to the size she needed. They forget why they are irritated, but when its there then the facts come out. anaemia and low B12 are other things. Same for the good old UTI and chest infection, really an upsetting trigger point. ask for a urine test to be done. Or observe them drinking, that often starts them coughing at the beginning of a cold. Agitation of course also comes on with the good old 'sundowners' try going in the morning to see if there is an improvement. Once those observations have been ticked off. Then as others have suggested. My Ma cant stand the music when she is having an Effie.[evening fairy spell]
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
My husband had Alzheimer's. He passed away when he was 62. I always reassured him and I kept my promises. You can do no more. What life deals you is not always fair but he will feel safe if he knows you will be there.
***MOM***
READ THIS 1st
BEFORE YOU GET UP
You have a bracelet on your wrist, please press the button on it right now.
You have weak legs and need help to stand.
A very nice person will come and help.
MOM, you have been confused in the mornings, your memory improves all day,
so do not worry. Your kids are nearby and will be along later. We love you.
You have this cute apartment now, because your home was no longer safe for you.
This is a wonderful place and they will help you.
PRESS THE BUTTON ON YOUR WRIST, PLEASE
I have to go through a routine as follows:
Mother) Why did Dad die?
I) He was 90 and was very weak because of his health problems. His heart finally gave out.
M) I mean YOUR father, not mine.
I) YOUR father died 31 years ago at age 89. MY father (your husband) died this past May, and he was 90.
M) I thought he was only about 40.
I) No, he was born in 1923 and died in 2014. He was over 90.
M) Oh, I miss him so much.
I) I know; [my sister] and I do too.
I've thought of writing something to summarize this so I don't have to go through this routine every day. Mother is hard of hearing (her hearing aid got lost in the nursing home), so her reading this would save my voice (and, admittedly, my patience, too!).
anaemia and low B12 are other things.
Same for the good old UTI and chest infection, really an upsetting trigger point. ask for a urine test to be done. Or observe them drinking, that often starts them coughing at the beginning of a cold. Agitation of course also comes on with the good old 'sundowners' try going in the morning to see if there is an improvement. Once those observations have been ticked off. Then as others have suggested. My Ma cant stand the music when she is having an Effie.[evening fairy spell]