I am his POA. Can I discharge him w/o issues (like them stopping me)? I feel like we haven’t really been given a choice in his rehab so I’m worried. My dad has lived an independent life. Prior to last week taking care of himself, driving, cooking etc. with only mild dementia symptoms. He fell down his steps, had a stroke and is unable to use his right hand/arm. Everyday his arm seems to get more feeling/movement but they are concerned with his dementia and living by himself. A lot of the things they seem to be concerned about have been happening when he is in a new place. He does also have confusion but we feel if we take away his car and make some modifications with his house he can still live by himself with daily checks and it be okay. In his environment he doesn’t forget direction/rooms etc. but in his current environment he is struggling. He also just wants to go home and I want him to have a quality of life as long as he can and being in a nursing home is not what he wants. I also think staying with me or another family member would also create more frustration & confusion because he isn’t familiar with his surroundings & staying with him permanently isn’t an option for me. I would rather him do in home therapy once we have his house modified but I’m worried someone will step in and say he’s not fit to go home and send him to an adult care center/rehab center.
He also can not drive with dementia .
Your choices seem to be Dad lives with someone or he moves to long term care facility .
Of course he shouldn't be living by himself anymore. That ship has now long sailed.
And since you say that you nor any other family member can take him in, then you should instead be focused on getting your dad placed in the best facility he can afford,
Sadly life doesn't always go the way we would like it to, but we all have the choice to make the very best out of what life does give us.
I wish you well in finding the right and best facility for your dad.
It sounds that the medicos feel that you aren’t taking the dementia and other health problems seriously enough. You are POA, but what do other family members think about this? Are you the one doing the caregiving (such as it is), and if not what are the views of the person who is most in touch with him throughout the day? It is quite common for a POA to be a trusted male who is not involved enough in the details of intimate personal care to see through 'showtiming' and realise quite how bad things have become.
To an outsider, it does seem that you may not be realistic about all this. Talk to some more of the people involved, without starting from the point of believing that they are wrong and you are right.
No. This is what you WANT to happen, but he is not likely to be anywhere close to who he was and his abilities prior to this. And it is not likely ever will be again. He is no longer able to do what he did before. In some ways he is not the same dad you know anymore.
There’s so many everyday dangers in a home that we forget about. I have a friend whose MIL was in the same position. Family thought with daily checks she’d be fine. Until one day they checked in and she had put a pot of water on the stove, turned it on high, walked away, and forgot about it. Pot was boiled dry and there were several hand towels next to the burner. Had there been a fire, she might not have had the ability call 911 or get out of the house.
“I want him to have a quality of life as long as he can and being in a nursing home is not what he wants.” You need to reconsider what is SAFEST, not just what he wants. Living alone in his house doesn’t guarantee a good quality of life. He will still be struggling most of the time.
He either pays for aides to care for him in his home or he will go to Memory care or Long-term care. It all depends on his finances. Not sure if an Assisted Living would take him depends on how much care he needs.
Its no longer what Dad wants, its what Dad needs and as POA your job now is to make sure he is safe and cared for. Read your POA, if immediate there is no need for a doctors letter for financial. Usually for Medical there is. Some Financial POAs stipulate a doctor or doctors are needed to declare incompetence before the POA is invoked.
Your Dad losing his independence was inevitable. His Dementia would have worsened and he would have needed 24/7 care. Time to take away the keys and sell his car. If you bring him home, the car should not be there. Its also time for some white lies. You took it for a check up.
So, to answer your question, yes the Rehab center can have Dad placed in LTC if they feel that Dad will not be cared for 24/7.
Recovery sometimes is the wrong term. Recovery can conjur ideas of returning to *before*.
Stroke recover varies. Recovery can be more like *adjustment*. Through a crises stage & into the *new normal* level of health & functioning.
By all means, have HOPE & engage with rehab & set goals. But also be realistic.
"My dad has lived an independent life. Prior to last week taking care of himself, driving, cooking etc. with only mild dementia symptoms."
"He fell down his steps, had a stroke and is unable to use his right hand/arm".
Your Dad is now a stroke survivor.
Hopefully 1: he may make more gains in his mobility over the next months
Hopefully 2: any delerium could lift (often caused by fall, stroke, hospital/rehab environment, pain, new meds)
Realistic 1: delerium can stay for weeks or months
Realistic 2: dementia is progressive
Realistic 3: stroke recovery varies
Think carefully on WHY you want Dad to go home, alone.
What thconsequences would be?
Please use your authority appropriately and make sure dad has full time care. Either at home or in managed care. Whether he "wants" it or not is irrelevant, he needs it.
If you REALLY believe your dad can live alone or with you, then take him in and let us know when your mind changes.
Otherwise as others have written, you have a duty and responsibility as POA that can be very heavy on your heart...but you must do what is best for your father, regardless of your personal wishes and pain.
The coming days will be very hard. I hope you make the right decision- if you can't -then resign the POA ...IF you can get someone else legally assigned by your father, which may not be possible given his alzheimers and stroke conditions.
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