My Mother moved in three months ago. I am pretty sure I read in the admitting paperwork that it was not allowed. Since she has been there, the ongoing problem with incontinence has continued, along with her refusal to acknowledge that there is a problem. Or to wear depends. Just a week ago, we finally took away all her underwear. OT is coming in now to work with her on multiple things, including showering, putting on a depends brief, etc. While this has been helpful, she goes to bed with just her nightgown. Because of all the issues, we have pads on the bed. So she thinks she doesn't need to wear anything, and says she isn't having any problem. And that if she did, there are pads on the bed.
When she stands, there is a big wet spot of the carpet with urine.
I am truly ready to pull my hair out! My mother's short term memory is gone! So when I call and ask, did they come in last night and make sure you have your briefs on, she doesn't remember. Does not remember if she had one on when she woke up.
I feel like the only way I can find out anything is to constantly call the nurses station. Which I am asking about what happened the evening before with a different shift.
Honestly, I am frustrated about a lot of things with AL. My life has gotten much harder since she went. I guess I will just stick with this one issue for now. I live 40 minutes away, so I just go down twice a week for now. Not worried about abuse, but it would just help me know what was going on.
Your mother, at 95, needs memory care for a higher level of care and attention from staff who will help her toilet every 2 hours and also ensure she's wearing Depends 24/7. Just bc she's talkative doesn't mean she's not in need of more care. Why do people think elders have to be drooling and bedridden to "belong" in Memory Care? She may not WANT to move there, but she needs that level of care. In her AL or a different one if her current ALF can't see the need for her to segue into that level of care.
My mother could chew the ear off a goat and lived in Memory Care Assisted Living for nearly 3 years. She was not drooling or bedridden or stupid in any way. Just riddled with dementia and in need of more care than regular AL could accommodate and not ENOUGH care to warrant Skilled Nursing.
You're frustrated with AL bc you are expecting them to care for your mother as if she were in Memory Care but she's not. What's going on is mom needs a higher level of care which she won't get in AL. In reality, you don't have to manage her care....once the staff realizes she requires more care than they can give her, then you'll be called to make a decision about where to move her next. And if this AL claims she "doesnt need mc" then ask them what their CARE PLAN is for mother to ensure she's toileted every 2 hrs and dressed in clean Depends 24/7? Put it back on them to figure this out, one way or another.
Good luck to you
The camera won't solve your problems, but moving her to the proper level of care will.
As for video, you should revisit the facility guidelines and/ or speak with administration at the facility.
Please note, there are hackers out there who can hack into these cameras and place what they find on the Internet. I know I wouldn't want strangers watching my mother dress or any other personal care.
We had similar issues with my mom when she was in AL; she went in one week before COVID lockdown!!
The facility had wifi, so we bought an iPad and wall mount and had maintenance install it next to her bed where we could see her in bed or on her couch. I mentioned this before on the forum; it was a GODSEND! You can program the iPad to auto answer and leave it plugged in.
I usually called mom 3 times a day, my brother called 1 time a day, and my daughter called every night. Mom loved it, and we loved it. We could check on everything, and we were always chatty with the aides if they were in the room. We would tell her to urinate before bed every night and put on her depends. We stayed right on the screen until we knew she was all set and tucked in. Truly, I have no idea how we would have made it thru COVID without that.
Some places will allow you to pay an extra fee to put her on a toileting schedule. I think at my mom’s place it was an extra 1200$ per month. We didn’t need to do that thanks to the iPad.
You may also want to have her checked for a UTI. My mom wasn’t really incontinent until she started having UTI’s. Her main problem was stress incontinence; she would wet from the force of getting out of bed with a full bladder.
The aides don’t have it easy. In NY, regs allow one aide for every 18 residents. Eventually, when she did go to MC, it was one aide for every 8 residents. Big difference. But the aides at MC LOVED my mom, because she was pleasant and talkative.
Good luck!
It is possible that you mom might need more assistance than AL provides and MC might be a better option
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