My mom is 81 and has ovarian cancer and mild dementia. I am a retired school teacher who also took long-term teaching positions in order to supplement my retirement pension. My supplemental net income was $3000.00 a month. When it became apparent to my 2 siblings and me that mom could no longer live alone, we decided to look for an assisted living facility for her. The price ranges we looked at were between $4,500.00 and $5,000.00 a month and we eventually decided on one that was $5,000.00/month. When it got close to the time for her to move, she made it clear that she did not want to go to an assisted living facility. I decided to give up my job and supplemental income so that she could move in with my husband and me. My mom pays me $3,000.00 a month to make up for the salary that I gave up when I quit my job in order to stay home and care for her. She pays for no utilities or groceries, etc., and yes, she has the money to pay me.
I sometimes feel guilty for taking this money, but at other times feel that it is only fair because that is the amount I gave up plus it is still well below the amount she would have paid the assisted living facility. Is this right and fair? Oh, and my siblings do nothing as far as taking her to chemo (once a week, 60 miles away), various doctors appointments, etc. They have also never offered to give us a "break" by taking mom to their homes for a weekend or even a day. I would also like to add that my husband and I also gave up our privacy and free time. I guess I would just like others' opinions on this because I do feel guilty about it at times, and it causes me much stress.
There is nothing wrong with being paid to care for your mother. I think family care contracts might reduce resentment among the siblings.
I am so sorry that some answers imply that you don't love your mom because you have thought this situation through logically and decided to charge her for the care she is receiving from you and your husband. Love is what you do! She wanted to not go to a facility and you opened your home to her, gave up your life so she could have her wants and needs met. So to all that think this is inappropriate or unloving- jog on.
You have no reason to feel guilty. You are giving her a gift that she would not otherwise receive and would be in an AL and most likely very unhappy.
Do get an attorney to draw up a caregiver agreement, DO NOT show this as a gift, Medicaid would disallow it and you would be on the hook to pay every penny towards her care before she would qualify for assistance.
The absent siblings will have a fit when it comes time to get their inheritance and will dismiss your sacrifice and hard work to keep your mom home and care for her. Get paid for your work. You can not be expected to give up everything and your own livelihood, it is beyond ridiculous that anyone would guilt you for taking care of you and your families financial stability in a situation that calls for and receives such unselfish complete sacrifice of ones own world.
I personally think you deserve to not only get paid but that your mom pays for respite care so you can take care of you. At least 4 weeks annually, I recommend a week every quarter, caregiving 24/7 is exhausting and you must keep yourself healthy to be the best caregiver.
Get an attorney now, get a contract with pay, duties and respite. Rest easy knowing that it is fair and appropriate for you to do such. You should also consider paying yourself more, 24/7 care and all that includes, meals, med management, housekeeping etc with transportation in your vehicle is more valuable than 3,000.00 a month. Don't believe the lie that what you are giving is not invaluable.
Hugs 2 u for loving your mom enough to open your home to her and sacrificing your own life to give her what she wants and meeting all of her needs without assistance from siblings.
You deserve to be paid and you deserve a medal for your sacrifice.
I see NOTHING wrong with what you are doing. But if Medicaid will ever be a concern, then a caregiver contract with proper deductions taken out is a necessity.
I have found that family members who are doing nothing are the first ones to complain about what the actual caregivers are doing. Protect yourself.
https://www.agingcare.com/articles/personal-care-agreements-compensate-family-caregivers-181562.htm
So they say no, I don't think you should be paid, so I don't get paid, do you think this would not create hard feelings? They expect you to pay for the parent on top of giving up your entire life, while they are not impacted in the least.
When siblings will not help to keep a parent at home, they loose the right to have a say in how the parent is cared for and how much that care costs. Greedy people looking for a bigger inheritance is the only reason they would say no pay.
Inheritance should never be expected, most people work hard and save for their old age so they will not be a burden on anyone, not so their relatives (kids included) get a big payday when they die.