Can Mother lose guardianship of husband due to her illness of brain tumor?
And leaving the state where he is ALF for over two years ?
Mother has been out of the state for close to 2 years. And won't be able to drive or care for herself. But still holds guardianship for my father. All bills are being paid to the ALF buy sister. I care for all my fathers needs and travel and don't get a dime for over two years. I buy all his vitamins and take him out to restaurants weekly and doctor appointments and etc. But my mother holds guardianship on my father. And my sister who never was around as much is now in the picture helping my mother since she is guardian. My father has done much better now and not as medicated. Now he has a life with me and is very active loves to dance and listen to music and goes sometime to the gym.
He had a very sad past living with my mother and she was over medicating him and he ended up in hospice. Now 4 years later at the age of 88 years old. He is doing much better and it is upsetting to my mother that she is failing.
My sister won't get a note from her doctor to declare that she is no longer able to care for my father and I don't know how to turn to now. If anyone can help please let me know what I can do without an attorney. Because I can't afford one. I just wish he could have his day in court to let the judge know what he wants in life now that he is not drugged up anymore.
My father is comfortable when I take him out in his car not my small car.
No one calls or see my father maybe three times a year. I go all the time and some times twice a day.
I take him everywhere when I can.
Everyone forgets my father except me.
You say your mother is not residing in the same state he is. What do you mean she won't let him in her car? Where is the car? Since he cannot drive, are you thinking you should have the car to drive him around? Is Sis using the car to drive Mom around? Something about the car is bothering you, but it would help if you could explain that a little more.
When my husband developed dementia I sold his car (which he loved) to pay for his care. The only car in our household was in my name. So what? I am having a hard time following what the complaint is about the car. Could you explain that a little more?
It sounds like you have some expenses associated with visiting your father. Do you want to be reimbursed for those? Since your sister seems to be in charge of paying Dad's bills, have you discussed this with her? If you are expecting to be offered money for his clothes, for example, have you suggested to Sis that since you are there and meeting this need you would like to have a clothes allowance for him? And an entertainment allowance? If you've been doing this for 2 years and resenting it, isn't it time you spoke up? Or have you spoken up and been turned down?
Your father cannot live alone and he is safely and it sounds like contentedly in a care center. Why would he want to "hang around" in his house? Is the house sitting empty? Is there any talk of selling it? How are the taxes and other expenses being paid? (Generally it is not often beneficial for persons with dementia to visit their former homes, though certainly that is not an absolute and there are many exceptions. Why do you think it would be good for Dad to "hang out" at his house? His home now is the ALF, isn't it?)
You say that "it is upsetting to my mother that she is failing." Well my goodness yes, wouldn't it upset you to know you had a brain tumor? Is that part of your complaint against your mother? Or how does this impact your father?
Was Mom officially appointed Dad's guardian by a court of law? It will take a court action to revoke that appointment. What would you like to have happen? Does your sister agree with you? Do you understand that if family doesn't agree and/or the court determines that no family member would be a suitable guardian that they appoint an outsider, who gets paid out of your father's funds to look after his best interests?
What is your mother's prognosis? Is she going to have surgery?
In what way is your father not being cared for now?
I can tell that you would like to see things change, and you may be very justified in your desire. But it is not clear exactly what changes you'd like, and what you have done so far to work toward those changes.
Are you saying you want control of his money so you can get reimbursed for $ you're spending on him? If POA is already in place, that may be difficult. If mom has his POA and your sister has mom...then your sister is probably in control. If she won't reimburse you, your only alternative may be to stop spending your own money on dad if you can't afford it.