5 years ago I bought a home with my mom. She only lived in it for 1 year then my sister put her in an assisted living facility. My sister has power of attorney and is on all her financial accounts. My sister has helped herself to some of my mom's money. Now my mom is out of money. First I offered to buy my mom out. Everyone agreed on the amount-then my sister changed her mind. Now I plan on getting married and offered to sell the home. My sister got mad because I shared some nasty emails she sent to me. Now she says I need to deal with mom and she is dropping her off next month to live with me -since it is her home. I work full time and I have a roommate. What rights do I have?
You can't have your own way if she has the power, compromise is the only way that you will get this sorted out. And that means both of you.
Maybe you need to hire an uninterested, unbiased 3rd party realtor to sell the house?
If you really want this dealt with you need to do what it takes. Your mothers wellbeing is at stake and both of you have forgotten that from what I have read. Who is going to step up if she has a penalty period for Medicaid? That should be something that you speak to your mom about, because this could turn very sour for her and that is unacceptable.
OP also said she worked full time. I took that to mean how is she going to care for mom while she works? I took that as since mom is out of money OP is going to be sole caregiver. Bc there is no money to pay someone.
The sister is allowed to pay herself a reasonable amount as poa. That is true. They are taking care of bills and things. But what is reasonable?
OP said she paid for half the house. Then offered to buy out her mom so she would own all of the house. She said everyone agreed. I'm assuming that is OP, her mom and sister. Then sister said no. I didnt read that as OP went to live with mom in moms house. I would think mom would need that money for her care. But that money can only last so long.
OP wanted to know what her rights are. Maybe the OP can explain more.
The point is that neither daughter wants to be the caregiver. One has agreed to be POA. Maybe the other one does not want any legal responsibility, not POA or being a guardianship.
Why would the OP want to? She is getting married, plus her mom picked her sister to be POA. Who would choose to be in that position?
Who knows what the mom is like? There has to be reasons why mom is in a facility? Does she have cognitive decline?
Mom may need lots of care. She may be a nice woman or she may not be pleasant to be around.
She may have caused friction between the sisters.
Where does the mom want to be? Did she choose to move away? Then the daughter took in a roommate.
Who is paying for the home? Could it be that the mom only supplied the down payment and the daughter has paid all of the notes?
Even if the OP’s sister feels that mom can live in the home, she does co own it, the sister as POA will have to hire someone to be a caregiver to her mom.
I doubt the roommate wants to do it!
We know that the OP doesn’t want to.
So, sissy better start interviewing for caregivers if she isn’t volunteering.
There is too much unknown information here.
The two miners (who worked the gold mine) need to repay what they took - pay directly to facility until their debt is paid back. Keep good records to show they paid mom back. Then apply for Medicaid after the debts are paid.
I am inclined to think mom is out of money and all of this started because 'who's gonna pay the bill now'. Sis assumes she can just return to the house she half owns, and the other doesn't want her there. Could be wrong, but that's my gut feeling about it.
She isn’t looking to being fair either.
She wants what is best for herself, which is to dump the heavy lifting onto you. Don’t fall for her intimidation.
Fight back by speaking to an attorney. She can’t force you to do the caregiving.
Where does she live? Does she live in the same city as you do?
Since she doesn’t want you to buy her out, counter by asking her to buy you out.
Then she and your mom own the house and she can move in and take care of dear old mom!
Offer to let her have full control!
You and your roommate can find a new place, hopefully far away.
If she isn’t open to this, and of course she won’t be, you will have made your point that YOU are NOT willing to do the caregiving either!
I wouldn’t discuss details with her, a simple, “I am not going to be mom’s caregiver.” is sufficient.
Don’t give her an opportunity to argue her points.
You do not owe her any explanation as to why you aren’t doing any caregiving.
Mom hasn’t needed either of you. She was surviving without your help while in a facility.
We don’t know about her finances. Maybe you don’t even know all of the details since your sister has POA. That’s between you, your sister and your mom.
If worse comes to worse and you can’t work this out, mom can go on Medicaid.
One of you can start speaking to a social worker to inquire about mom’s options for future care.
You need to focus on not having your mom dumped off and getting stuck with mom!
Move out before that happens! Make sure your roommate isn’t home either so she can’t accept mom.
All the best.
But would need filial responsibility laws to force her daughter to become responsible for her care (not in FL?) Even then, I don't believe anyone can be forced to provide the physical hands-on care.
It's all hot steam nonsense talk from the other sister.
You need to talk to an attorney ASAP.
If your sister has power of attorney, she is NOT legally allowed to engage is self dealing behaviors.
Thus, if she has taken money for anything other than your mother's care, it is considered theft.
Her sister agreed on a price and then backed out!
Very strange that the OP’s sister doesn’t want the money from the sale to pay for their mom’s care in her assisted living. The OP offered a viable solution and her sister is standing in the way.
The OP should force the sale as NYDIL said could be done in her state.
She can force the sale, wash her hands of the whole thing.
Mom has her money. Her sister as POA can deal with the entire mess!
Take control of your circumstances by doing whatever works best for you.
Be fair to your roommate. Give them a ‘heads up’ so they can plan for their future.
If you have to move out of your home, in order not to be roped into being a full time caregiver, then do it!
Beats the alternative of doing hands on caregiving that you are clearly not interested in doing.
I don’t blame you! It’s YOUR life, not your sister’s or your mom’s concerns as to how you choose to conduct your own business.
You are not responsible for either of them.
Let your sister figure this out for herself. Step away!
Do not cave into her wishes. She isn’t your boss. You don’t have to answer to her or your mom.
Be independent. Stand your ground. Best wishes!
The OP said she is getting married. So sibling is probably very jealous. That is why she is trying to control the OP. The OP can't plan a wedding if she had to work and care for mom. Or go on a honeymoon. Well she can but who is going to care for mom while she is away? Who is paying for mom's care? All this started bc OP shared some emails? The sibling was found out. Thats why she is mad.
The poa cannot force someone to take care of the mother. (OP is working) or if OP refuses because she will be controlled by the sibling. This is all about narcissistic control over the sibling. I know know all about that. They aren't on friendly terms, or the sister would not be threatening the other sister! They could come to an agreement like normal people. There is nothing normal going on here! You don't threaten a person period bc they dont do what you want. Sister is trying to control everything about the house, the OP's life, and the mother like they are her pawns. Normal people don't do that. Narcissists do. If you have never dealt with a narc you won't understand or have a clue. Only a person that has dealt with that understands.You don't know the lengths a narc will go to control you and destroy your life.
You can tell your sister she is legally responsible for mom's care by being poa. SHE has to provide care. She can't force it on anyone. She will have to come up with money for round the clock care. If she says it will be you, tell her you will report her to the police and the county dept of aging for not providing care. She cannot force anyone to do it for free. Therefore mom is neglected. And the police will be called for neglect. She will be responsible not you.
I know you all think OP should do it bc she is her mother. That is a 24hr a day job. If she agrees sibling can continue to jerk her around for the next 20yrs. Refuse to do it. Sibling may be able to drop mom off, but it is not legally her house so she can be told to leave.
That is why you need a lawyer ASAP. Your sister just proved she will continue to try to control you, your mom, and the house, and all funds. She has no right to control you or who you show emails to. She is a narcissist. If you have never dealt with one, then you have no clue about it. They get a kick out of making your life miserable. That is why she agreed, then reneged on selling the house. It is all about trying to control the sister.
So, sister put mom in assisted living. Some unexplained info - did sister take her out or are you saying mom no longer has any money to pay for the AL facility? Is mom moving from siblings house to your house or from AL to your house? If moving from AL because money is gone - both of you owe mom money to keep her there longer.
Determine the fair market value of the home and you pay that amount to the facility to cover the charges. You would also need to get an elder attorney to draw up the paperwork for you to buy mom out of her part of the house w/payment going to the facility as payment for the house. You would also need to have appraisal done on the house to legitimately determine market value of the home. If you try to low ball it and pay her less than market value, Medicaid is going to see it as gifting and mom will be penalized where Medicaid will not pay for her bed (when all her money is gone) when she needs a Medicaid/state paid for bed.
You can also have atty draw up paperwork for money that sister took to address that. Get copy of bank statement to show how much sister took out. Do you have any idea what sis used the money for? If mom was at sister's house, there is every possibility renovations to home could be explained as needed to care for mom (and sis would owe nothing back). Sister can make monthly payments to facility until the money is paid back or mom could live with sister for the number of penalty months where Medicaid won't pay for a bed because of that gift.
First issue, as I see it, is - is mom still competent to sign documents? If she is, this needs to be addressed and remedied before you find yourself dealing with a dementia issue. It's very possible mom could just sign the documents so you could list home with real estate agent and get it all sold with 1/2 proceeds going to mom to pay for her own facility care. That would be easiest.
I can't stress enuff to get a lawyer. You don't know if sibling spent the money or what happened. They can get an accounting. You can't on your own.
I found out the hard way. Sibling refused to tell me anything about my parents estate, was controlling about any info pertaining to my parents. Nothing but lies and complete silence when I would ask. Found out later everything she told me was a lie right down to the cause of death for my dad. And gave 3 stories of what happened to 2 diff wills. She wasn't executor and told me she was. Then let estate go for 8yrs refusing to do anything. You can't do that.
You have a right to know what is going on with the money. My lawyer said why didn't I consult him sooner! Time is not on your side here. You have a right to know the accounting of what she did with the money. You need a lawyer now.
Id get a lawyer 1st, then change the locks with his approval 1st. He might say you can't do it. Your mom has a right to be in the house but not her. Id tell them that she would try to come into the house and make life hell. Now she is controlling the money and trying to control you by forcing you to loose your job to take care of your mom. She could come into the house any time of night or day, she wants. Id also say if she drops mom off you are calling elder care and the police that she abandoned an elderly person without care. You are working so you are not taking care of her. It is her responsibility to set up care for mom. Not you. She cannot force you to care for mom 24/7. You won't get sleep and loose your job. Not to mention the upheaval, and abuse fighting in front of your mom.
Why on earth would you buy half a house? You need to get out of there. YOU NEED A LAWYER YESTERDAY!!! Take it from someone who was was burned by their sibling. Dont wait!! You need someone who does estates and real estate. Go to the phone book and start calling. She can't say yes to selling the home and then say no to the price. You have the right to sell. Get a lawyer today!
share and get a new home. The money your mother gets will be spent for her care pending Medicaid approval. Or if she is on Medicaid before the house sells then they may place a lien on the house that will be paid when it sells. Not an easy case for the family; but far from rare as far as Medicaid personnel are concerned.
So this could have a very negative affect for all. As in an answer below, in some states the interest in the home can be sold by the OP, leaving an elderly Mom with a new co-owner. Though who would buy into that mess I am uncertain.
I think a Real Estate attorney in the OP's state might give advice on this better than me, for sure.
Tell your sister she'll have to continue staying in the Senior Home where she is and you will pay them so much a month and that money will be deducted from half the value of the home.
You can get the value of the home from a Realtor.
Or, you may want to just sell the home, give the Senior Place where she is Living the money monthly so tmyour sister doesn't spend it and let your sister know if she doesn't agree,, you will turn her in fir illegally spending your mom's money.
Mare sure the Senior Home she's in will let her stay with only her Social Security, after her money runs out.
Talk to your mom and let her know what's going on and let her know you will be happy to buy her share out.
I’m afraid you are going to need more help than you will get here.
Good luck to you and I hope all works out well for everyone.
My mother lives with me and I am listed as POA. She is forgetful and has difficulty with decision-making, but I am able to discuss things with her and make decisions together as much as possible. She does not have a DOI / COI (determination/certificate of incapacity) and I do not want to have the dr. write one until really necessary. Not sure of you/your mom/and sister's situation.
I do not think APS would have the answers you need for legal purposes, including trying to sell the home. For your peace of mind, I agree with consulting an attorney, an elder attorney, so you can determine your options.
You cannot sell the house since your name is not on the deed.
Move out. Just pack up and leave. Get your own place. You cannot possibly work full time with an aged mother who was in assisted living, and her condition is only going to get worse. It sounds like your sister wants a free caregiver and she controls the purse strings. Do not do it--LEAVE.
I would also check with her AL to see, since she has paid all this time privately, if Medicaid can help. In my state, if you pay privately for at least 2 years, you can apply for Medicaid. Your only problem will be is if sister did take money. There will be a penalty. Someone will need to pay for Moms care either in the AL or their home until the penalty is satisfied. And if its because of sister, you need to let her deal with the consequences.
"One way you can end a joint tenancy in Florida real estate is to sell your interest in the property to a stranger. It is entirely permissible for someone who owns residential real estate in Florida to sell their interest to anyone of their choosing. DAD, INC. v. Moring, 218 So. 2d 451 (Fla. Dist. Ct. App. 1969).
Additionally, in Florida, a joint tenant of residential real estate may sell his or her interest in the property to a total stranger without the consent of the other joint tenants. Harelik v. Teshoney, 337 So. 2d 828 (Fla. Dist. Ct. App. 1976)."
If you have actual proof that your sister "helped herself to some of my mom's money" call the Florida Department of Elder Affairs and also check out their Resource Directory on their website.
You must learn to stand up to your sister. So far she's only *said* she's dropping your mother off next month. You must find a real estate lawyer and get yourself out of this home situation as quickly as possible. Whether that's having the attorney write to your sister about you buying out your mother's share - your offer just went down, BTW because you needed to hire an attorney - or you forcing the sale of the house, you need legal advice.