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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
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My grandpa is 102 and was just dc home he lives alone still and he chooses to. He gets around with a walker slowly but does. If we hire an aide and they see he has difficulty getting around can he be forced into a home?
OP As long as GF is clean, fed and cared for I see no problem. The house clean too. An aide could report but conditions would have to be extreme for Adult Services to do anything.
Forgive me, but I'm a bit confused. You say your husband is bi-polar, paranoid and narcissistic and that he's had a brain bleed, but you say his brain is ok. You also said he's hasn't been abusive, but you say he's grabbed your arms. Any time a man puts his hands on a woman in anger, that's abuse in my opinion. As his mental issues worsen he could ramp it up and lose control. You say he almost came across the table at you in a restaurant. Also, the way he treats you is verbal abuse.
Granted, he is probably in pain with his various physical issues. I'm sure that affects his mind-set as well. He can't take it out on anyone but you, mostly because you tolerate it. It's easy for us to say "get out" and I've been given that advice too, as well as putting my bedridden husband in a nursing home. But for a lot of reasons, neither one of those options would work for me. Would they work for you? Before you crash and lose your own health, maybe you should visit a lawyer and ask what legal options you have regarding your husband and his sons. More than likely, they don't step up because they know you will. If they're forced to, I'll bet they will. You can also call adult protective services for help. Basically, your future depends on you. What you are doing is noble, but martyrdom has no rewards. It doesn't seem anyone appreciates what you're doing. I'm in the same situation caring for my husband. He's pretty easy going, but if he became verbally or physically abusive, I'd find a way to institutionalize him.
An aide can make observations but not medical ones to the point that someone can be forced to move elsewhere. And the aide, unless a mandated reporter, has no legal authority over your GP. He or she can report to a higher authority, which might want to come out and do an evaluation, but difficulty getting around is something many elders face.
I think evaluating whoever you hire is more important. Find someone, or an agency, that respects his desire to remain home and will work toward that goal.
Frankly, if he's 102 and manages at home with a walker, I think I'd be focusing on supporting him in his own environment. Unless he has really serious medical problems and/or there are other factors, but is mentally stable as the title of your post indicates, I think I'd be proud of him and support him by respecting his wishes.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
I'm really doubtful that would happen.
As long as GF is clean, fed and cared for I see no problem. The house clean too. An aide could report but conditions would have to be extreme for Adult Services to do anything.
Granted, he is probably in pain with his various physical issues. I'm sure that affects his mind-set as well. He can't take it out on anyone but you, mostly because you tolerate it. It's easy for us to say "get out" and I've been given that advice too, as well as putting my bedridden husband in a nursing home. But for a lot of reasons, neither one of those options would work for me. Would they work for you? Before you crash and lose your own health, maybe you should visit a lawyer and ask what legal options you have regarding your husband and his sons. More than likely, they don't step up because they know you will. If they're forced to, I'll bet they will. You can also call adult protective services for help. Basically, your future depends on you. What you are doing is noble, but martyrdom has no rewards. It doesn't seem anyone appreciates what you're doing. I'm in the same situation caring for my husband. He's pretty easy going, but if he became verbally or physically abusive, I'd find a way to institutionalize him.
I think evaluating whoever you hire is more important. Find someone, or an agency, that respects his desire to remain home and will work toward that goal.
Frankly, if he's 102 and manages at home with a walker, I think I'd be focusing on supporting him in his own environment. Unless he has really serious medical problems and/or there are other factors, but is mentally stable as the title of your post indicates, I think I'd be proud of him and support him by respecting his wishes.
And kudos to him for being so hardy!