Are you sure you want to exit? Your progress will be lost.
Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
✔
I acknowledge and authorize
✔
I consent to the collection of my consumer health data.*
✔
I consent to the sharing of my consumer health data with qualified home care agencies.*
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
I find myself getting angry at other people at work, sometimes without good reason. I know its because I feel helpless about what is happening to my mom. Trying to figure out what to do with the overwhelming emotions that build up inside me.
Have just joined a caregivers group session ,once a week and found a way to vent my anger . it is a way of letting of steam.Every one has a different issue however, the common denominator is care giving. No one sees light at the end of the tunnel. But when you hear other peoples sad stories I dont feel so bad and when The time comes that I can not handle it I have made arrangement to have my wive placed in a palliative care centre
I to get no thanks from any one,not that I am looking for that, but it would be nice from a family member who by the way are not as involved with their mother as I am
So you see every one gets through the day somehow Make time to get out of the house for a couple of hours even for a cup of joe at the mall.
If possible, leave mom or dad alone for this time depending on the severity of course. I do and it help a lot and you will be a different frame of mind
Sonnybee = I get mad at my brother who does not come down or call that often as I think he should (he lives 50 miles away). I think we are all there in one way or another. There is not much I can add to what everybody has said but we are all there with you. My mom is in several Bridge groups and she has not wanted to go lately. She says it is her eyes or she is sore all over. For a month she was not able to get in my car either. We got her a therapist and she was able to get in the car again. And I do her exercises with her every day. Now she does not want to play. Yes, I am a little angry mainly because it is the only time I can be alone in the house. Well, I tell myself how selfish that is but then I need my time. I am her primary caregiver and do not work. She needs me 24/7. I guess I resent the fact that she does not feel well enough to go so I can have my time. It is so hard some days. We all want our loved ones to be the way they used to be - Full of life, going places with them, talking to them about things other than their medications and doctor appts. I miss the mom that used to be but I know I should be trying to enjoy what I have. God bless and take care
Yell here. That is the main purpose of this site. Yell all that you can. Tell us what you are doing and feeling. We are hewre for that. For about ten years I saw the process of dementia in my mother-in-law, still that did not prepare myself for my actual condition of only caregiver of my wife, in Alz D moderate, but clear. I feel angry, with everything, for everything. And force to be silent. We are with you, yell You are doing fine... we are doing our best effort to be , just to be...
Sonnybee, a couple of years ago (my husband had had dementia 7-8 years at that point) I was working full time, mostly from home. I liked my coworkers and enjoyed seeing them when I went into the office. We were very productive over the phone. On coworker I particularly liked had an annoying habit of taking forever to get to the point. But I took that in stride -- we all have our quirks. One week I snapped at him on the phone over how long the conversation was going on. A few days later I cried on the phone with my boss. Oh-oh, I think I was losing it. I was still pretty patient with my husband but I sure had a short fuse with everyone else. I made some appointments. I was diagnosed with depression (no surprise) and at another clinic with sleep apnea. Not only was I getting too little sleep, it was of poor quality. With those two things being treated I returned to my pleasant, tolerant, mostly coping-well self.
Sonnybee, if you have just hit a rough spot it may be enough to get some exercise every day and to carve out some "me" time. If this seems more persistent and deeply rooted, if you sometimes feel like an imposter has taken over your personality and it isn't someone you particularly like, I suggest a thorough check up, with special attention to any health problems you have been having. People are always telling us to take care of ourselves. Well, we do need to do that, and this is a good time for you to pay attention to your needs.
LindafromVT, I hear your frustration. As an only child, you shoulder the burden. With hope, your husband is supportive. I'm sure he wants to enjoy retirement too so are there friends, church groups, or even volunteers from Girl Scout clubs that could come in and help with your mom even a little or at least visit with her? Since she's able to do some things but for whatever reason is resisting, she might be open to Girl Scouts earning badges (perhaps). It's hard when they are at the stage in which they are not doing what is needed (showering readily comes to mind) but you can't push them.
A little story: My father has declined enough to be more compliant when it comes to showering (it's warm!) but several years ago he was not. In fact, we once had a "stand off." We were to go to a play that a relative was in and he really needed to get cleaned up. I'd given up on the shower but insisted on another shirt. He continually refused and I'd run out of tactics, so I just told him that he had to change his shirt or we weren't going. He just stood there, so I said I mean it and by the way, "I can be every bit as stubborn as you are." His reply? "Yea, but I've had more practice!"
Would you believe we both laughed and he did change shirts (because he decided to).
i get kinda sprung when every household problem or mishap is up to me to resolve but every solution i come up with is vehemently denounced by my mother. its like someone is putting you in a straight jacket then demanding results from you. i think the anger comes from the fact that the parent has always been self centered and difficult but now the depression and dementia amplifies the character traits. the parent child relationship is the longest running one of your life and you can get pretty tired of the parents yap. i totally understand why my dad died 13 years ago...cause he WANTED to. lol..
my sister refuses to face me or even speak to me as she says she cannot help. But she wil have her hand out for any monies there might be at the end. Taking care of Mom is making me sick. I am not well. I am in dire need of a support gruop and cannot find one in the lake worth area.
I'm a 59 year old man who is primary care giver for my 85 year old mother.Three sisters in the neighbourhood that offer no help.Mother is disabled with arthritis and has major hearing loss.Last week I was out on errands and had a run in with one of those terrible drivers.The young woman in her late twentys blew through a stop sign .I had the through street and was turning right.She came at me on the left so I went for the curb with my truck while blowing the horn.She gave me the middle finger,cut me off and stopped at the next light.The light turned green she sat there so I blew my horn,we went through the light and she slammed her brakes on and stared in her mirror.I stopped and the traffic backed up into the intersection,then after 30 seconds she drove on for 100 yrd. and did it again.She pulled into a parking lott a mile further,I followed and she stopped blocking the exit.Unfortunately I got out and walked up to her car,she was on the phone,I kicked the rocker panel scratching the paint.I turned around and the police were waiting.They threatened to take me to jail.She had already called the police and they coached her how to set it up.I'm charged with mischief for kicking her car and assault because she felt threatened.Now I'm paying $1900 for a complete paint job,have to write an apology and 10 weeks of anger management.I have no criminal past and a clean driving record.Now my lawyer wanted to put it through her insurance and me pay the deductable but she refused because last year someone keyed her whole car and she had to claim it.Oh I also pay for a car rental for her which she will no doubt keep for the weekend so she can take a free trip on me.Watch your anger folks,it could happen to you.
Good lesson Johnb, good lesson. Thank you very much. It may be expensive to lose temper, many people is mean and miserable, and we have (in broad terms) only a short fuse because of what we are doing as caretakers, our main function. Thank you again
a good cautionary tale. probably why most of us blow up at our family, we know that: A. they won't call the cops. B. they will love us after they cool down.
But man oh man that cheap little btch had it coming to her. You would think everyone had a clue when she had already been keyed once before. Sometimes justice does not come fast enough.
Oh who am I kidding? Justice NEVER comes fast enough!
You are absolutly right PamelaSue. Even if there are times in which the feeling of impotence, of desperation makes dificult, or almost imposible to evoid leaving, sending a strong jet of anger, of steam, in whichever direction, in whomever be present, just to feel alive, just to feel that something can be done... I understand that for many people is impossible to stop and think, and turn around... A hug to everyone
Sonnybee I've been asking the same question for weeks now!:) Soozi sorry for what you went through I can relate:) I never used to listen to hard rock music but a friend turned me out to bands like Creed and Nickleback. The singers sing lyrics that are often very positive in nature and the power and the rawness some days is the only thing that I look forward to.
Ok seriously I punched a pillow once and felt so much better! I want to buy a punching bag and maybe take a martial arts class...I do exercise regularly which helps but I find when I'm angry sometimes I overdo it and end up REALLY sore. I meditate, pray that helps too.
Honestly some days nothing helps. Going here helps! I am part-time caregiver for my dad and he's been really hostile lately.
I'm sure you are a great caregiver, thumbs up and thanks for sharing! Hope you feel better soon:)
I see your point as to why you feel angry. As a caregiver to my very difficult and challenging grandpa, what works for me is to get some fresh air DAILY outdoors. If you have to go to the park for an hour and sit on the bench or take a walk or sit outside in your backyard, as long as you are outdoors getting some air, it helps. When the weather is nice and warm, I would take my grandpa with me to a park. It benefits him because he gets uplifted. Fresh air helps alot.
I don't know how to post information to this site, but this important article about soaring medical cost for Alzheimers and dementia patients appeared in today's New York Times. I hope this study will alert political policy makers that caregivers need financial and other support.: http://www.nytimes.com/2013/04/04/health/dementia-care-costs-are-soaring-study-finds.html?nl=todaysheadlines&emc=edit_th_20130404&_r=0
Hi. I just went through this with my mother. She passed away last week and the emotions are still raw. I felt terrible when I would feel any emotions that are viewed as negative. One thing that really helped me through was to accept whatever emotion I was feeling. If we try and stuff them down, they just get worse and tear you up. You are on the emotional roller coaster so strap in and allow yourself to feel whatever emotion that comes along. Just don't allow yourself to get stuck in the negative emotions. One thing I found that helped me was journaling my emotions. That was so therapeutic. Best wishes.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
vent my anger . it is a way of letting of steam.Every one has a different issue
however, the common denominator is care giving. No one sees light at the end of
the tunnel. But when you hear other peoples sad stories I dont feel so bad
and when The time comes that I can not handle it I have made arrangement
to have my wive placed in a palliative care centre
I to get no thanks from any one,not that I am looking for that, but it would be nice
from a family member who by the way are not as involved with their mother
as I am
So you see every one gets through the day somehow
Make time to get out of the house for a couple of hours
even for a cup of joe at the mall.
If possible, leave mom or dad alone for this time depending on the severity
of course. I do and it help a lot and you will be a different frame of mind
Take care
For about ten years I saw the process of dementia in my mother-in-law, still that did not prepare myself for my actual condition of only caregiver of my wife, in Alz D moderate, but clear. I feel angry, with everything, for everything. And force to be silent. We are with you, yell You are doing fine... we are doing our best effort to be , just to be...
Sonnybee, if you have just hit a rough spot it may be enough to get some exercise every day and to carve out some "me" time. If this seems more persistent and deeply rooted, if you sometimes feel like an imposter has taken over your personality and it isn't someone you particularly like, I suggest a thorough check up, with special attention to any health problems you have been having. People are always telling us to take care of ourselves. Well, we do need to do that, and this is a good time for you to pay attention to your needs.
A little story:
My father has declined enough to be more compliant when it comes to showering (it's warm!) but several years ago he was not. In fact, we once had a "stand off." We were to go to a play that a relative was in and he really needed to get cleaned up. I'd given up on the shower but insisted on another shirt. He continually refused and I'd run out of tactics, so I just told him that he had to change his shirt or we weren't going. He just stood there, so I said I mean it and by the way, "I can be every bit as stubborn as you are." His reply? "Yea, but I've had more practice!"
Would you believe we both laughed and he did change shirts (because he decided to).
Good luck!
i think the anger comes from the fact that the parent has always been self centered and difficult but now the depression and dementia amplifies the character traits. the parent child relationship is the longest running one of your life and you can get pretty tired of the parents yap. i totally understand why my dad died 13 years ago...cause he WANTED to. lol..
Thank you again
A. they won't call the cops.
B. they will love us after they cool down.
But man oh man that cheap little btch had it coming to her. You would think everyone had a clue when she had already been keyed once before. Sometimes justice does not come fast enough.
Oh who am I kidding? Justice NEVER comes fast enough!
A hug to everyone
Ok seriously I punched a pillow once and felt so much better! I want to buy a punching bag and maybe take a martial arts class...I do exercise regularly which helps but I find when I'm angry sometimes I overdo it and end up REALLY sore. I meditate, pray that helps too.
Honestly some days nothing helps. Going here helps! I am part-time caregiver for my dad and he's been really hostile lately.
I'm sure you are a great caregiver, thumbs up and thanks for sharing! Hope you feel better soon:)
we could send copies of it to them. :)
One thing I found that helped me was journaling my emotions. That was so therapeutic.
Best wishes.