Why do I dislike my mother so much?

WOW!! I commend you all and wish you and your parents well..Just remember to always honor them and know that your reward will surely come.

Tonight I was trying to help my mother pack because she is getting ready to go and stay with my brother in another city...for 3 weeks Thank God!! I was redoing her packing and she wouldn't shut up!! Why are you doing that and why can't I take that bag,and what did you do with my box I had and on and on. I finally "yelled" at her and know I shouldn't of but she wouldn't stop. What I was tring to do is help her repack her suitcase because she must of had 5 extra bags with her stuff that I could put in her suitcase for her. I just want her to appreciate what I was doing or say Thank you, but it is hard for her to say those simple kind words. She is a very negative person, always says she wants to die. I don't even feel bad that I yelled at her...I am so frustrated at her and resent how she treats me. But don't they say "the ones you love that are the closet to are the ones that you are mean too??? I am beginning to believe that. I feel like I am not her daughter. For me I just want her to be happy and healthy. I can't believe I yelled at her, but I am very resentful of her actions and thoughts. I am beginning to think she has dementia or she is dillusional not sure which one. No matter what I do it is never right for her...I am critizing her..I am mean I am I am ....on on I think I need help!!!

Mommie Dearest admitted she didn't want children hanging on her skirts, she just wanted to go have a good time, so she threw me away and had a good time. It was always "go away, go out in the street and play, get away from me" from when I was a small child. She knocked me about, split my head open and put me in a hospital "because you cheeked me" ... I was 6 and it never got better after that. My besotted father enabled her and busted his chops to provide anything her narcissistic self desired, except when she got whatever it was it wasn't good enough and she didn't want it any more. His heart gave out in 1999.

I grew up totally alone. no role model, no direction in life and made so many mistakes along the way as I was so naive. She was a control freak, drove away any boyfriend (because he just wanted her money), was always throwing me out of the house for some imagined indiscretion ... once I went to a party and as it was so late stayed at a boyfriend's house. The next day she threw me out and went round to his house, standing in the street, screaming and yelling. I was 22!!!

She's beaten me up emotionally forever and I've always been scared of her but, despite her, I emigrated to Canada (she had to follow dammit) had a decent career and bought my own house. After my father died in 99 she bought a huge house she couldn't afford to keep, thinking it would make her popular, but, apart from the grocery store and library, she hid in it 24/7, all the while wailing about how lonely and bored she was.

I shoved my boot up her arse for more than 15 years to get out, volunteer, go somewhere, meet people but it was always met with excuses. She developed Parkinsons and dementia long ago and has had numerous strokes. I gave up my home and career to live in her freezing basement to care for her for four horrendous years.

She's been in a NH now for 2.5 years. Screaming at me on the phone every day, setting the government on me because she thought I stole her money ... on the edge of a nervous breakdown ... blacked out doing 85 in my truck ... I changed my phone number, made it unlisted and she's never had my address or she'd send the cops around to check on me ... done that before.

My mother is now close to 89, bed ridden and barely able to speak intelligibly. She has no friends, except one that comes about 4 times a year, having run off everyone she couldn't get something out of over the years. One house she lived in she hated the next door neigbour because he was black ... when he started shoveling her driveway he was an angel lol. That house was egged one day and it wasn't even halloween so I guess she royally pissed someone off.

I'm POA, preserve her money, pay her bills, run her errands and make sure she has all she needs. I visit about once a week but she wants me to come all the time. Not happening... threw me away and tormented me forever but now old, sick and alone she wants me? After 60+ years? I'm sorry, no can do.

I'm rebuilding my life. Bought a tiny run down cottage with some land, getting into growing and canning, volunteering at the local hospital and driving for local dog rescue. It's my turn now.

You all have some life left, those you care for have had theirs ... Mommie Dearest traveled the world on exotic vacations (without a kid hanging on my skirts of course), had a lovely home looking out to sea and a weekend house ...the best of everything.

The staff in my mother's NH take wonderful care of her but she sometimes tries to get out of bed without help and falls ... been hospitalized a few times. They call me right away. Any time the phone rings I let the machine pick up and listen before answering. 3 a.m. and what would they like me to do? She's in a hospital where she's getting the best of care ... I live (with some physical issues) in the middle of nowhere up to my ying yang in mountains of ice and snow. Believe me, whatever it is it can wait until tomorrow.

It may sound harsh but those you care for should be in at least assisted living, if not in a NH so you can rebuild life for yourself, your spouse, children and grandchildren.

Well, my mom is the opposite. Was a wonderful mother and a good person. But I think I know why I resent her so much. She puts all her energy into her appearance. The only thing that makes her happy is when people tell her she looks so good. When she gets a new outfit (which I help her pick out) she'll stand and pose infront of the mirror, waiting for comments. Don't get me wrong, she looks very good at 94, very stylish. So much better than me, her dumpy overweight daughter, who she sometimes treats like her caregiver. I guess I'm mad becuase she has it pretty easy. Doesn't have to do any for herself, unless she wants to. Has my fathers pension, my fathers saving, lives in my house practically for free. She rents out her old home to my housekeeper, who I pay, who pays my mom..,I just resent how easy things are for her, and how unappreciatative she is. It's all expected. She brags about how my dad left her comfortable. Well I worked for 30 years, have MY OWN pension, and my own house, and I did it myself. There will be no one to help me when I grow old.., I have sons but they don't live near me. So I guess I'm kind of jealous and that's why I am so angry all the time. I'm spending my last good years taking care of her...does that make sense?

At this time my mom has ben quite fiesty stubborn and paranoid. She has been refusing her meds. Not accepting them daily. 4 days straight she refused her med. Sometimes in the am and sometimes on the pm shift at the nh. She's not taking her thyroid and missing doses can cause other issues. She hasn't taken her depression med either and I think her personality without them is so paranoid. I'm concerned. The nh nurses cannot force her only encourage. I just don't like her attitude with skipping meds does to her. I tried a strategy with her where she can take only meds of absolutely necessity. But she so paranoid that she has refused. Any suggestions with paranoia with dementia?

Someone wrote here that you don't hate her, or dislike her, you hate/dislike the disease. When those feelings rise in me, I have to verbalize or think "I HATE THIS DISEASE!!!!" It's kinda like love the sinner, hate the sin. From the Christian perspective, not better-than-thou, but the challenge comes to love others who are difficult/those who do not love you in return. Christ gave us that challenge, AND it is NOT easy...but I think that is why God gave us these missions, He trusted us with them and I think, is a growth opportunity and a shining example for others to see :) HUGS!!!!

Equinox I am not sure of the law in the US but in the UK if it is thought that there are serious issues with refusal of meds the NH you and a doctor can be called together to conduct a medical review. Then and ONLY then can they be administered covertly. Its not something I care for at all and god help anyone who did that to me (but I have an advanced directive which forbids that). Do ask them it might be the solution you need

I completely understand the resentment and jealousy etc.
I feel the same way.