I retired a month and a half ago after working full-time for 40 years. My mom was diagnosed with lung cancer in January of this year and I have been doing everything for her -- grocery shopping, taking her to treatments/drs appts, laundry, house cleaning, cooking meals, staying with her and taking off from work when she was very ill from treatments. She was still able to live alone until 4 days after I retired, then she became too ill and has now been put on hospice. I begged her to stay at my house, but she doesn't want to leave her home so now I am here 24/7 taking care of her and taking care of her old dog who pees and poops all over the house. I love her so much and she has been a wonderful mom. In the mornings I get up feeling so sad and loving -- in the evenings and at night I feel the same, but every afternoon for about 2-3 hours I get so angry because I want to be in my home. I had to shut down my part-time business/hobby that I loved, leave my husband alone and now I spend my days so bored and lonely that I want to cry -- she is sleeping most of the day. I know that she is dying and I am going to be eaten up with guilt when she does because I go through this angry spell, but I can't seem to stop it! Just wondering if I am an evil person!
Come and sit under the evil tree with me, there's room.
You will not be dealing with a rational person due to her illness.
Take control of your life and hers, she needs to appreciate you have a life too.
I think blowing your top in a situation of great stress is natural. We had the exactly the same thing with Mum, she refused to leave her home, and a nephew saw a
great advantage in that....it has left a hell of an emotional and financial mess.
All areas are different not all hospice groups are the same, but I found when my dad was on hospice care that the agency did have some funds (120 hours worth) that I could use for in home care. Check also with your local area on aging and be sure that you speak to the person who is in charge of the care givers program. I was able to get some help from them on in home care due to the fact that I was retired and didn't have an income. That may not be the case for you, but check it out anyway. Their goal is to support keeping the elderly at home.
Last of all, you are not evil. Nor is your mom's devoted dog. It's a stressful and heartbreaking situation and it takes a toll on everyone (two or four legged) that loves your mom. Buy some slippers, so your feet don't get wet or worse. Keep breathing and get some in care help.
You are doing a devoted and loving effort to care for your mom.
Blessings to you. Cattails
All the very best to you - enjoy the break! :)
Thanks again to everyone!
I know of a relative that was ambular at one time and he went to something like
"day school" where they kept them busy doing things and intereactiving with others their age. At an appointed time, they would be brought home. Just a thought. Praying for you.
Is there any way you can bring in help for 3 hours a day, in the afternoon?
You are doing great. Good daughter
It's hard, I know seeing your mom decline when you love her so much. Hugs