I have been taking care of my Mothers needs for about a year now. She is 89 and physically in good health but mentally not so good. My problem is how to make the family members understand that I need a break - even though my Mother can take care of herself physically I need a mental break from her. She just talks about the same stuff over and over and over. It gets exhausting. When my brother or sister comes to give me a break my Mother cannot understand that I am leaving during "family time." So what has happened is the family comes over to "give me a break" and I just end up cooking for everyone and hanging around listening to my Mother say the same things that I have heard ad nauseam for the past 2 weeks. Has anyone else ever experienced this?? It is like I do not have a life separate from my Mothers life. So my sister comes over yesterday and I just sat her down and told her that I "visit" with my Mother 24/7 and they need to spend quality time with her apart from me. I then went to the movies which was lovely. What hurts is my brother and sister get to go home and have their lives. Their bi-weekly visits are getting shorter and shorter. The saddest part of all this is my relationship with my sister has suffered. We were very close but not anymore. It is practically impossible to just hang out together like we used to because my Mother does not understand why she is not invited and I do not wish to hurt her feelings. Anyone out there who has experienced this before?? Why do the other family members get so selfish?? I accept that I will be the caregiver to my Mother but the lack of help from others has left me very cynical toward my other family members.
I have to admit I didn't read all responses but the ones I did have the same answers---- CALL and get parent to Adult Day Care, CALL Home Care and have evaluation for services, so you can then figure out how to pay them. DO THIS! DO THAT! etc., etc., etc.,... This is why we caregivers with absent siblings are frustrated.. We are so tired of doing it all.. Most times it's so tiring getting it all organized that you can't even mentally enjoy yourself when you leave the house!
I know that at this stage in my Mom's progression of dementia not one of my absent siblings could stay with her an extended time.. The effects of the inconsistent schedule would be only a giant a** ache for me when I returned! It's just not worth it..I have enough stress now!! I don't need to "rock the boat"..