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I have always been focused and goal driven. As my partner’s Parkinson’s symptoms worsen he has become prone to talking to me from across the house, but disease has caused him to speak softly and slurred. I hear just enough to know he’s speaking to me, but not what he’s saying. Sometimes I just have to go on like I didn’t hear him, but that’s difficult when you care about someone. So I stop what I am working on to see what he wanted, and by the time I’m finished I have completely forgotten what I was doing. So, I later discover unfinished tasks. I get flustered because that’s just not like me...and it seems like I’m getting that way with everything. I’ll commonly be up until 1 or 2 in the morning doing work and sending emails - clients praise the dedication, but if they only knew. Anyone else having same problem and have found some tricks that help?

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Oh yes,, I get distracted sometimes going to another room to get something,, see something else.. on it goes. The I find my self back where I started.. without what I went for! But I probably watered some plants, grabbed the trash, tidied up a room.., so I guess its all good. But frustrating! I sometimes repeat what I am going after, sounds silly but it works for me!
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With leaving your tasks only partially completed, it is no wonder you forget about them. Your brain gets busy thinking about something new and poof!, what you were doing is gone.

You could have a little bit of burnout? Tired? All make forgetting quite understandable.
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Yes! I was speaking to a social worker the other day and just sort of drifted off without finishing my thought. The nurse had to finish for me. I got distracted by something and completely lost my train of thought. I have so much on my mind these days. Haven't learned any tricks to help yet though.
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Oh, boy, do I ever know what you are talking about, and I am not even directly hands on caring for someone. I am only trying to do accounts and accounting and bills, and handling other stuff. Don't ask about the towed truck!
There are, for me, two things going. One is age. I am 77. I was not thinking as I did when I was 30s before all this happened. So I was in the stages of--you know--leaving the room to get something,getting to the other room and forgetting what I was there to get, going BACK to the room and then remembering.............you know the drill.
However, add in this whole other thing, someone you love kind of crumping on you, and all the anxiety mixed in? It is other worldly. If I am at all anxious, if the control slips, my OCD hits like a hurricane and I am in the eye of it, paralyzed, unable to think, unable to move. I have entered the realm where it is true diagnosable dementia. You know, the butter in the cabinet and the cereal in the fridge. And it is the anxiety that does it. I am incapable of multitasking.
When I get myself in a good place, the zen of gardening or putting murphy's oil on the floors, I again come to a person who can function. But let a letter come in the mail "We lost the papers on the truck and are putting a lien on it"? Ha! Blown away again.
It is, in the beginning, such scary stuff. I AM getting older. Not as old as the bro I am trying to help, but OLDER and we have all our lives teased one another that he is only 7 years ahead of what is coming for me. We are like twins born 7 years apart.
You're OK. You are OK. Try to find what you can to relax. Give yourself at least some moments of peace. For me it is garden, a little painting, sewing kimonos for friends, listening to some true crime podcasts. I can restore my soul and my mind a bit as well.
Don't worry. You're OK. (almost certainly, hee hee. But where are those car keys)
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pamzimmrrt Sep 2019
You sew Kimonos?? You rock!
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Stress will do this.
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GETTING scatterbrained?  Hahaha.  My kids once told me they would never know if I started to have dementia.  I had trouble multi-tasking.  I could never get a turkey dinner to be ready all at the same time.  Now it is hopeless to even try.   Sleeping more than usual, and expecting less from myself and husband.  We are blissfully getting old!
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So many things i need to do. But when I'm distracted, i can't get it all done. And my to do list stays the same.
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For me, the timer on my microwave is a help. If I am interrupted in a task, I put on the timer (guessing how long the interruption will take). I also keep a post-it pad and pen near the microwave. If I need to, I will jot myself a note and stick it to the microwave. When the timer goes off, I have the note there to pick up where I left off.

Saying that, it took me 45 minutes to empty the trash last week. Seems like I found another task in each room as I emptied the trash (switch the laundry in that room, clean the soap scum off the counter in the bathroom, etc). And, yes, I did leave the trash bag in a couple of rooms and wander off to a new task.

Definitely scatterbrained!!

As I tell my husband, when I hit menopause, I found 20 pounds and lost my mind :)
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KatKat124 Sep 2019
I use the Timer on the oven to help me for things.
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Happens to me all the time. What is truly sad is when my almost 94 year old mom reminds me of something that I forgot! Annoying! If it were only a reminder, that’s fine. When it’s a reminder with a put down or insult, I just want to scream ‘Shut up!’ God help me if I lose my temper and do tell her to shut up. Then she tries to make me pay for it for days.
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pamzimmrrt Sep 2019
"Have you tried just saying Thank you Mom, and no other response, If she is looking to peeve you off, no response may do the job of shutting her down.. LOL
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When he calls take a deep breath and say I need to remember -write a note - post its are great - but I’ve used my arm as can’t lose that as easily! Can be “emailing Axa car ins” then if post it - stick it on the first thing you’ll see on leaving his room.
Re the hours - can’t advise there - was doing 0530 though to 0130 and if lucky no disturbance for 4 hrs. 🤷‍♂️ On the other hand 0200 seemed a popular time for him to wet the bed.... 🤣
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I have been having this problem even 3 years after my mom has passed on. I tend to leave doors and drawers open, washing in the washer, and the computer logged on. Too much to handle, thrown into care giving again with MIL a year after mom passed, house problems, a dumb move to another home, hubby's health problems etc. I do believe stress can cause this. I am just trying to focus all the harder. I believe two of the most important words a person can learn in life is "pay attention". Now if only I could take my own advice!
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As someone who has just tried to change TV channels using the air-conditioner remote, I can totally identify! My life is now governed by the alarms I set on my mobile phone, from getting my mother changed and given her tablets in the mornings and at night, to putting out the rubbish, taking my asthma meds, feeding the cat (actually not that one, as she can be counted on to remind me!), washing our hair etc.

I also keep Post-It notes handy, so anything which suddenly crosses my mind (like getting more milk) can be noted immediately before I forget, and put somewhere I will notice it, like next to the teapot.

Plus I keep a To Do list on the Sticky Notes available on my Windows 10 computer - yes, it just gets longer every week, but at least I can keep track of longer term things like overdue phone calls to friends, fixing the light on the bathroom mirror (that particular job's been on there for a year now), etc etc.

It's not 100% foolproof (I can turn an alarm off and then forget to do the task), and it can be stressful, but it's better than nothing. Or perhaps I'm just OCD...
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Katie,

You hit the nail on the head. It is stress. Especially if you had to go from mom to MIL in caregiving. We can only do so much. I am at the end of my rope too.

I have been sick with a cold since Sunday and my mom is purposely nagging me. I have no idea what her problem is. She won’t go see a doctor about anxiety and trust me she is riddled with the anxiety of a million people! I honestly think she is bored to death. I know I am! She will not go to a senior center to meet people and generally be involved in society. She would rather be a hermit and complain and drag me down with her.

She had anxiety before because she’s a perfectionist but she was distracted because she stayed busy. Being idle is horrible. Being too busy is bad, so a balance should be achieved but she doesn’t look for balance.

Her only activity or distraction is ‘The Young and the Restless’ soap opera! I don’t watch it but aren’t those things filled with ridiculous drama? What good is that? Gosh, I watch shows on nature to relax or even the old tv shows that make me laugh, not a show that will add stress!

It’s horrible to see a once active person behaving like this and worse for me to be sucked into it as well.

As soon as I get all of the paperwork for aid and attendance from veterans, something has to change, and soon! I am truly at my threshold of pain. I’m worried about my own mental stability living with her. She keeps interrupting me so I have decided to walk outside to my backyard. She will open the door if I am on my patio. She’s so crazy lately she may call my brothers and tell them I abandoned her or call 911. So I am going to try to work on things during her soap opera! Her damn laundry can wait! She has more clothes than me!

I fought like hell to banish this anxiety when I left home and managed to do so. For what? Too fall right back into it? No! I simply can’t deal with this anymore.

Thanks, Katie for pointing out how extreme stress is damaging to our wellbeing. I can be relaxed and accomplishing tasks and she starts her foolishness and it all goes out the window! Why? Because it’s been too long. When we know there is an end in sight that is relatively near we can get through it. It’s when we can’t see the end and it builds up from happening over and over and over, that we go batty.
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anonymous828521 Sep 2019
NHWM: Girl, one of you has to move out, (like right now).
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I thought it was something with me but would explain to friends when I am around Dad it's like I can't focus or I felt scatterbrained and I am a well organized and good multi tasker. I am 61, retired and Dad is 92. No siblings or kids and living alone. I realized it was a combo of stress and seeing the man who built rockets for NASA decline with dementia. He was never a neat and organized person and being in that environment alone with his perfect health would throw me. I would just lose focus even after returning home from a visit. Understanding that I am doing a heck of allot. I do have hired helpers, but managing his life and mine would distract anyone as you all know and understand

I describe it as the brain is on overload with tasks or thoughts you may never thought you would face. I am more accepting now of "the way it is". Thankful for my health and I keep a grocery list at his place for myself and helper to add too. I keep a list for me with each day of the week at the top and this helps not just what I have to do but when. I utilize my iphone calendar always for his appts. and mine and other tasks. If I don't write it down I'll add it to the phone to ping for me to make a call or whatever. We also have a calendar at Dad's of who is there for the meals, his appts or any ones time off including me, I take a picture of the caledar with phone so its with me.

All of this has helped keep me focused. I also don't over involve myself in other things. I did resign from my HOA board as it was something else to focus on and make decisions. Don't take on what you don't have to. Trying to keep the stress level down and accepting is good but not always achievable. Take time for you to chill with whatever soothes you. My Dad knows enough to thank me and tell me I'm the best daughter in the world so that alone throws in a lasting positive to help keep me straight.
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I have always been scatterbrained, and now definitely worse! Lists for everything !Too much to do, and now can't leave mom alone in the house. I always say the dementia is catchy ! I use homecare for work,and I do crafts to keep me sane. I have video baby monitors so I can hear her from other rooms and outside. That would help you hear him and also respond to him over the speaker. You can check on him from anywhere and get things done.
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You sound just like me, but I would stay up till 5am. I didn’t like my changes in myself when I used to be so “on the ball”. I also learned I had sleep apnea and I am being treated since Feb 2019. Things are finally starting to clear up a bit for me 7 months later. I have also wondered if part of my problem is menopause, that’s a symptom as well, being kind of forgetful. I also do know that caregiving alone can do this to you. For me, I think I had a culmination of all 3. I am also 55 yo.
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Yes. A homeopathy friend suggested Ashwagandha and it really helped me to de-stress and sleep better.

As a 24/7 Caregiver, you are under more stress than anyone else can even imagine, so cut yourself some slack. You might have to decide which tasks are necessary and which you have a choice about doing. Since you mention clients, I am assuming you are still working.

The only suggestion I can make is to get a set of speakers like used for babies and place one wherever he is and keep the other where you are. I bought a set but my DH progressed quicker than I could keep up with and I had to be in the same room with him 24/7. So we both lived in the living-room. I got a couple of sleep-chairs that do all the positions and Zero Gravity became my best buddy.

Some cleaning is optional. If you can no longer do it all by yourself, look to find help. I had to learn that anything not mandatory for our health could wait. My DH became too anxious if I wasn't in the room with him at all times. He was almost 97 and he had to come first.

Do the best you can with watching your nutrition. Boy was that a nightmare for me. I just did the best I could manage.
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Seems you are trying to multi-task ALL THE TIME. Nobody really multi-tasks, they just shift focus from one task to another and back again - quickly. So, it's no wonder that you feel scatterbrained when your concentration keeps getting derailed. It also seems that your rest is also getting derailed in an effort to find some uninterrupted time to focus and complete tasks.

Try to establish a routine with your LO that allows time together and blocks of time for uninterrupted focus on something other than LO. You may find it easier to have a friend, a hired sitter, or family "visit" - take turns being with LO while you need concentration. If LO takes naps, that would be a good time to complete other "alone tasks".

Maybe a spare room, or part of one, can be converted into office/work/craft space for your "alone times." Will LO use a bell to notify you of "needs"?

As for rest, establish routines for bedtime. Make sure anybody who helps LO follows the routines. If LO is restless or wanders at night, talk to the doctor about sleep meds or hire a sitter for your sleep time. Try to get 7-9 hours of sleep every night yourself.
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Dear caring4ken, it's clear that your mind is simply weary. (How could it not be?) If you continue to cater to ur LO at the expense of your needs, it won't get better. These are symptoms of your own unhappiness. It's not your job to make everything perfect. Follow your gut & rearrange ur life so you can get out of there more. No guilt.
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Justme44 Sep 2019
Wonderful advice!! So very important to still keep social life and true self care, because our bodies and minds are in double distress:)
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I make up a to-do list every evening and put on my desk that I go to every morning and read the news with my coffee. I also have multiple timers that I put sticky notes on to remind me to put the laundry that is in the washer to remind me to put in the dryer, to get my Fit Bit watch off the charger, again with a sticky note on to tell me what I need to be reminded of. If it is something really important I grab a chip-clip and place it on my shirt to remind me of something, either color coat it or with a note attached. I also have a large bright orange paper that in large letters that it's garbage night to remind me to take out the trash. I have a small timer that I can clip on the my shirt as well, I don't know what I would do without my timers.

Have a go-to place where you can check on what needs to be done, a desk or counter top with sticky notes or timers or both, check it often when you get side-tracked.
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It almost sounds like I wrote your post!! Prior to my own retirement, I was the employee who had 30 tabs open, effectively working on multiple projects a day, and constant interruption from others who needed help. I managed it all with ease and very little frustration or gap in thoughts. When working on a project, I wrote info as it came to me and then incorporated it into the project as I went along so I didn't forget my thoughts. This caregiving role, for some reason, doesn't work like that. I start, have to stop to do something for my mom, and then forget where I was and what I was working on...still have the 30 tabs open, just get lost in what I was doing. And, yes, I'm up until the wee hours of the night trying to complete what I started during the day.

I have a notebook that I create lists and responses I need to complete or orders I need to make - then check off as I go along. For all online/mail orders, I use index cards as I place and order with items and price so I can make sure I get everything and that the billing is accurate when statements arrive.

I have resigned myself to staying in the same room as mom because she gets irritated if I go to the office room to work on tasks. Not to mention jumping up and down to go see what she wants because I can't hear her well (from another room) and she definitely cannot hear me. I know it still irritates her that I'm on the computer at all because I hear her tell people on the phone - oh, she's on the computer as usual. She has no idea that 90% of my time on the computer is to pay bills, make dr appts, follow up on medical procedures or prescriptions and insurance payments.

And more recently, I had to add another person to the mix because of a debilitating sudden illness. So now, trying to get his meds lined up to do the most good for him during the day - constantly emailing or phoning drs and insurance trying to get tests and procedures for him. Seems I'm even more scattered than before.

I continue to use the notebook and index cards to do my best to stay on top of everything. I still haven't figured out why I lost my ability to handle the multiple tasks like I did before, nor how to get the ability back. I just keep checking the notebook at this point! Frustrating as H3LL, but guess it is what it is!
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care4dad Sep 2019
my2cents, when you were working the 30 tabs were open for 8 hours a day.  Now, doing the same as a caregiver, there is no punching out at the end of the shift!!   Just as you would take a break at work, you need to take a break at home.  Say to your mom that you are going to be working at the computer, doing whatever, for 1 hour, do you need anything as I will not be able to be right here.  Doing this and then make the time following focused on her.  Making this the same hour every day puts it in mom's routine, too.
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Some time ago I read about the door threshold theory. Here's from LiveScience.com:

"Do you ever walk into a room with some purpose in mind — to get something, perhaps? — only to completely forget what that purpose was? Turns out, doors themselves are to blame for these strange memory lapses.
Psychologists at the University of Notre Dame have discovered that passing through a doorway triggers what's known as an "event boundary" in the mind, separating one set of thoughts and memories from the next, just as exiting through a doorway signals the end of a scene in a movie. Your brain files away the thoughts you had in the previous room, and prepares a blank slate for the new locale. Mental event boundaries usually help us organize our thoughts and memories as we move through the continuous and dynamic world, but when we're trying to remember that thing we came in here to do… or get… or maybe find… they can be frustrating indeed."

On some level I thought this was just a fluke... but I have gotten to the other side of the threshold, realized I don't know what I was here for and on returning through the threshold again... Bing! There it is!!!

Best thing you can do is leave a brief note for yourself before you head off to remind yourself where you were at when interrupted (especially when that is likely to be an extended time away) OR repeat over and over on your way to/through the threshold what you were going to do/get! Sometimes it thwarts the "event boundary"...

Sounds like we're barking at the moon, but hey, if it works...
Yip Yip YOWWWWLLLL!!!
(In my case, that would be MEERRRRROWWWWWL! =^..^=)
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Yes, I deal with this also. I keep a list in my phone titled "Where'd I put" to keep track of things - seasonal items, important items, you name it. Things "move around" at home so I keep key things like batteries in a separate area so I can lay hands on them. I take photos of key papers. I have a Tile device on all car keys - app on phone triggers a tone from the Tile on the keys, and pressing button on keys has the phone respond. I use a grocery list app and make sure I add items as soon as I notice we're getting low. You can have lists for different stores. I use Alexa for detailed reminders. I use Siri for alarms for everything from moving the wash to the dryer, to turning on garden hose. I timed how long each wash setting take and set a timer so I keep it moving. I cook as much in microwave as I can - rice, vegetables, pudding. It eliminates losing track of a pot cooking (and burning) on the stove. If I get called to the next room while I'm cooking, I turn off the burner if it's possible. I don't multi task later in the day.
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Justme44 Sep 2019
Wow, your super organized:) that is amazing. I was just thinking tonight, how I've spent 12 hours on my feet today and didn't accomplish much at all! I took away a few tips from your reply:) Their aren't enough hours in the day and being a caregiver, it certainly is helpful, to fully prioritize how time is spent and engage in productive activities. I like to multi-task but here lately, I'm doing way too much, at one time, so I have to pick one task and try to finish it up before the next one. And always whats most important! My favorite thing to do to help remember, is many many lists! I write everything down, so I can remember. If I go to store without my list, its completely useless. Get home with stuff I didn't go to pick up. Great question & love all the tips☺💝😇
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Yes. I forgot to pay my phone bill last month. I discovered it when I got this month's bill with a hefty $8 late fee! It's a good thing my other utilities are paid automatically. My Mom, who has dementia and just turned 100, has lived with me for the past 3 years. It's a wonder I have a mind left at all!
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my2cents Sep 2019
I have a ledger sheet with all the bills listed for monthly. At the bottom, I list the annual renewals (insurance, magazines) and occasional bills (lawn service, etc), so I am reminded about them. Sit down at first of month and pay all monthly at one time. It has worked very well for me.

We have terrible mail service, so it's common not to receive a bill in the mail that will remind you. The list is a reminder even if you miss the paper bill or an email alert.
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How old are you?  I have been concerned about developing dementia or Alzheimer's for years now, and my mom has it, and my GM had Parkinson's.  I think with the stress from my job, and dealing with both my GM and my mom, I am "allowed" to find stuff I have forgotten to do.  I finally had to go PT on my FT job, then quit 6 months earlier than expected because I had to make a decision--my mom or my job.  So mom won.  Now, I have NO IDEA how I did what I did for as long as I did it without being put in a facility myself.  I am still asking myself how I continue to do what I do even though I am now "retired".  Really?  What does THAT mean?  Not what I expected to be doing when I yanked down my shingle!
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Yes, in my caregiving duties where I had to move out of state to care for my late mother, I was getting ready for bed and had my night time meds ready to take. My hearing aide needed a new battery and I got it ready to be inserted, putting it next to the pills. Well, I swallowed a LIVE battery. I thought I was goner. My mother had just been buried! But I called the hearing aide battery company and they assured me that I would be okay because it was a #13 battery (small) and would pass. They had a protocol to call me 5 days out, then 10 days out, then 30 days out, then 3 months out, then 6 months out and lastly, a year out to check on me. THEY WERE GREAT! I SURVIVED! PHEW!
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BlackHole Sep 2019
Oh Llama! 🤯
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Oh gosh...not quite the same (and am wondering if some sort of intercom/walkie talkie (do they still make those?) might help...but the details of working and caregiving...there are SO many. I have an AM routine that is multi tasked and I must make sure the door is locked (this is an interior door where my pup spends the day with all the comforts while I am at my part time job...but my mother with dementia is clueless and neither she nor my 102 year old father can handle her) I have tried focusing and saying to myself "door is locked" and then some days, I still think I have forgotten or need to make sure and will go back upstairs and sometimes be to the corner and go back. We need to be kind to ourselves. We are all doing the best we can and more of us are doing it than we realize. Some with zero help.
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BblackHole: Seriously, I was ready to call the EMS, but my hubby got me calmed down! Scary and that was right after getting stuck in the quite ancient funeral home bathroom while my mother lay in her casket! I'd had a time of it!
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Hi,

I think we all must find a way to relieve our stress to get any peace from all we endure.
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Building on the advice of Tiger - "It's not your job to make everything perfect" - when my MIL was still alive (pre independent living), in the early stages of her neurodegenerative illness, and I was caring for her, I set her up in the family room, which had a lovely view of our lake. I toileted her before installing her in the room. Within reach, she had tissues, a beverage, cell phone, iPad to look at pictures on FB (she loved FB for keeping in touch with family and friends), reading glasses, blanket+throw (for a nap), a snack, mirror, back scratcher, hand cream, Icy Hot cream, remote control, and 2-pound hand weights. These were things I grew to anticipate her needing or wanting while I did my work.

The other day I was visiting a friend in the ICU. I noticed her nurse got called away to another patient and didn't return to the room until 90 minutes later. Not good but nothing bad happened...but it could have. The nurse was horrified when she walked back in the room and realized she'd left a task undone. Multitasking does not work. When something is important - and if it's important to you that's all that matters - try to finish it.

I agree PostIt notes are great; however, they are no substitute for organizing your thoughts/actions and setting healthy limits with your time. And again, "It's not your job to make everything perfect".
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