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Yep, my siblings also ignore me and as it got more serious the more distant they became. I've lost friends, relationships and jobs, but I'll keep going on.
I'm out of a job and have no money to pay for a coarse that will have a great impact on my rebuilding my career, but I am still going to look after my mother the same way.
My husband is physically disabled from a stroke, but is cognitively intact. I've been caring for him at home for five years (though he attends a PACE day health program four days a week and it is excellent). His friends of long-standing, several of whom live nearby, that I had been hoping would be able to visit us once in a while, have fallen away, and they have stopped inviting us to their social gatherings. To be fair, several have serious health issues of their own, but that doesn't seem to limit their ability to get around when they want to. I try to remain a good friend and good company by never complaining about how difficult it is to get him out and wheel him in the wheelchair -- the combined weight tops 200 lbs. and there's no motorization. Then, there's the issue of public rest rooms. I'm glad he's got the day program but I have generally no one.
Most caregivers lose touch Erin. Of course, there are different circumstances, but a 24/7 caregiver not only loses touch with adult friendships, they find they have also lost touch with reality. Communicating on topics and events in our ever-changing world becomes illusive. Most friends are compassionate and patient, but all that is left on a caregiver's plate to discuss is what they do 24/7; caregiving, What is even worse, most caregivers are unaware of the vacuum they live in. I've been there for 11 years. Two months ago, due to my husband's continuous Alzheimer's and bi-polar decline, I had to put him in a nursing facility. I had become suicidal, didn't care one day to the next if I lived, and started to hallucinate. The doctor insisted change needed made and made soon. If you can Erin, I would suggest joining a local Alzheimer's counseling support group. Contact your health insurer. Most offer free programs. The problem with me was I had no one to watch my husband to attend counseling nor had family nearby to help. Now that he is in a nursing home, I am discovering through support groups, most caregivers experience the same resentments, exhaustion and loss of identity that we all do. Being with people that experience similar core issues in caregiving is very uplifting. There are ways to find oneself; to start liking yourself again. If possible, start an Action Plan taking a few hours one specific day a week to do whatever you like. Seriously, Erin, you must regain what you have lost. Stick to your Action Plan. You will be a better caregiver, a more interesting person to be around and surprisingly your attitude will be uplifted. You will find you have a lot to offer and talk about with family and friends. Join the local library, take an improvement course, plant a few flowers, share a long walk with a friend or neighbor, join a church group, community events. And, even though this may sound strange, how about volunteer work a few hours a week. Most hospitals, animal shelters, meals-on-wheels, etc., are always looking for help. Believe me Erin, you will feel better helping others. Your interests will broaden. As one counselor said; one must lose their past life to begin another. Transition is extremely difficult. However, transition is part of life and can be very rewarding. Love yourself first and caregiving with interests will follow. Hope this helps. For 11 years I went through and experienced every peak and valley known to man. There were days I did not know who I was, what purpose, if any, did this tiny speck of sand have in God's world, would anyone miss me if I died, would anyone care... We must be strong and willing to reach 'deep down inside' to find those answers. If you don't Erin, no one else can. God bless. Be happy, be the person God wants you to be. Start taking one step for Erin and you will find the walk becomes easier.
I'm a part time caregiver to my nother-in-law and live with her full time. Very, very difficult. My wife rarely sees her mother although they do speak on the telephone. My wife still resides in our Manhattan apartment refusing to move in with her mother.
I was Mom's caregiver for 15 years. She slipped off her bed, broke her arm, and suddenly four sisters (I come from a large family) starting ignoring boundaries (that Mom had set up), hassling the nursing home staff, and making my life miserable, including absolutely insane accusations that I denied Mom medical care. One sister in particular was absolute out of her ever-lovin' mind with the crazy, and she dragged the 3 others (who have guilt and control issues) along in her wake. Eventually, they convinced Mom that I was unable to care for her anymore and convinced her to legally transfer her care to them. Now, they are doing the exact things to her that they accused me of doing, such as making decisions for her instead of making her feel included in her care. Mom has no say in even the small things anymore, such as whether to sit in a chair or lay in a bed during dialysis. I just keep my mouth shut. I do not want to get a repeat of batsh*t crazy again.
I've just resigned myself to the situation. Mom could speak up, but chooses not to. I visit when I can, and I try to time the visits when I'm pretty sure the crazy ones are not there. I no longer trust them. I have friend to whom I talk things out when stuff happens that bother me.
It's sad, but I have learned that friends are family you get to choose. I'm more comfortable with them than my own blood. The silver lining in the whole painful episode is that I have a stronger bond with some other family members, which is something I've been wanting for a long time.
I moved to care for my mother full time having lived alone for thirty years. I gave up my job with a company I had been with for 27 years, my home, my friends. Being in the house 24/7, I made no friends in my new location. I was blessed with two dear friends and a cousin who stuck with me through the three years of caregiving. They called me 2-4 times a month, let me vent and were my lifelines. Don't know how I would have done mentally without them.
My mother remained sweet natured except on very rare occasions. That was a tremendous blessing.
The part that was hard was having to virtually assume her identity. We watched the TV programs she preferred because people being unkind to one another distressed her. We listened to her music. We ate what she wanted, which in the last year shrunk to only a handful of acceptable items. She did not like me to eat something different because she mimicked what I did to be sure she was doing it correctly. She would not go to bed unless I did, so 8:30 became my bedtime. It was a compulsion that we go for a drive every day usually for 45 minutes to an hour. She could not let it go.
I know I was blessed that she did not turn mean with this disease and I was blessed to have my phone lifelines. And even with those advantages it still was an exhausting, demanding experience. I do not know how long I would have lasted if she had turned mean.
My abusive mother has managed to turn family, friends etc. against me. She was always abusive and this is her new way of trying to destroy me!!! I wanted to mend our relationship towards the end of her life, but not her, how silly of me!! The only reason my oldest brother helps out is because he lives close by and I threatened to put her in assistant living or nursing home and he knows they will take all her money!! My middle brother is a little over an hour away and won't take her at all to give me a break. My other brother lives too far. He calls every 4 months. No one is permitted in my home anymore because they all want to treat me the way my mother treats me. I make them take her out or go over my oldest brothers house to get some time off for myself when they want to see her. I have to play these games with them all to get some kind of help!!!! It's forced on them and they all talk about me and try to hurt me. I try to tell myself I don't care but I'm so hurt by going through all of this. This is going on for three years now and I don't know how much more I can take, my mental, physical and emotional well being is horrible!!! I try to see the good in people and look where that got me!! : (
Erin, You opened up a can of worms on this thread! LOL! I am willing to bet a whole lot of us out there are in this situation! From non helpful siblings living their lives to friends that know your current situation and don't want to be around "the geriatric zone." Can't say I blame them so much. It would take a former caregiver that was in a similar situation to understand, sympathize and occasionally come by to "make our day a little brighter." It's a lonely life for both caregiver and the one being cared for because even the best of us gotta get our time to regain our sanity, even for just a couple hours! Oh, not to forget our significant others that just get tired of hearing us vent our daily frustrations and how that relationship can be impacted as well. Yep, I am willing to bet their are going to be a lot of responses to this one! Only your REAL friends will stick by you, you will most likely meet new ones 😉 that will be there for you when you need it. Yes, my whole family is on non- speaking terms now because they never ever offered any help, just how much money can I try to get out of Mom and the jealousy she picked me over them. They have NO idea how lucky they really are.
Great answer, none of my wife's family asks anything about their mom,sister,grandma, friends, even church friends I'm sorry to say. Its best just to leave it in Gods hands and we take care of our duties. Let them join the shoulda, coulda, woulda, if only ida club on their own. :: ((
Hello. I am also going through a very difficulty time as a full time sloild care giver for my ( all alone :() None of my brothers or anyone involved) Mom Alzihimer's has been living with me for almost 5 yrs.. I lost contact with all my friends due to my situation. This web-site has helped me in a great deal. I know, I am not the only one who is going through a this hardship. I am also work as a part time and caring for my elderly (dementia ) mom. I thank you for your wisdoms and an emotional support for all of you. Allison
everyone needs time with others. your mother's personality will become stronger as the disease goes on. talk to her doctor about a behavioral drug. forget your brothers and sisters they have made themselves clear. look for other solutions that allow you time for yourself. how about your husband can he sit in the house while you go out? grandchildren? the more you stay with mom the more you'll become like her. caretaking starts with the caretaker if you get sick what happens to her. make plans loss the drama that's holding you down. make plans and do it. people will appear that you didn't think would if you are not only strong but live a life.
In this forum, and in a physical caregiver's support group, is where you will find the most sincere, nonjudgmental and most satisfying support. You can already see from the responses that you are not alone in this difficult situation--there are many of us out there struggling to be a caregiver, struggling to have our own lives...and just struggling. People who have not gone through this can only understand up to a point. And then yes, they do get weary of hearing the day to day trials that you are going through, even when they care about you. They do get to the point where they don't know what to say. Before this happened with my mother, I cannot honestly tell you what kind of supportive friend I would have been to someone who was going through months and years of taking care of someone who loses ground in some way, day by day. I would like to think that I would be there, but I might come to the conclusion that I should try to "wean" a friend away from venting about their situation, without really realizing that venting is just what that friend might need to do. And when you pack on family drama into the situation (siblings who don't help or can't help) that intensifies the feelings of sadness, hopelessness and guilt. My 94 year old mother has Alzheimer's. I had to moved her out of her home to my home where she lived for a year, before I then moved her to a home care facility just this February. I am fortunate to have financial resources so I was able to get help to stay with my mom during the day so that I could go out and be with friends. But the thing is, even when you leave the house, you REALLY don't leave the house, if you get my drift. I found somedays when I was out, I struggled to have a good time. Everyone would ask how my mother was doing but basically my friends were getting together to enjoy themselves and each other. Some days I felt awful that I was out having cocktails and lunch with a friend group and my mother was waking up in a home with people who were not her family.
The first day I physically went to a support group, I instantly felt connected to people who knew and understood the myriad of feelings I was going through, and I in turn could relate to theirs. This support group focused on how WE felt, not on "how to's" for the person we were taking care of. Our facilitator skillfully made sure the everyone had a chance to speak so that it didn't become a one person counseling session. People cried unabashedly when they needed to, and the feeling of "you are not alone" was like a comforting blanket.
I work very hard to find balance in my life, even when I don't feel up to it. I make myself do things because I know I need to. I consciously work at not bringing up my mom in a social setting unless I am asked, and then I keep my report short. And occasionally I do ask a friend to listen when I really need to spill my guts...but I save my deep pool of despair to take to the relative strangers who bring theirs as well. That's what works for me.
.... I've just read many of the comments ..Erin (original poster) have you read all these... the reason so many people simply start to bleed their thoughts no matter the subject that opened the discussion, It's because there's so much forced silence wanting and needing to come out, to be heard from so many people in your same (and mine) or similar situations ... The sad, the lost, the weak from exhaustion yet strong screams for help via typed words being expressed on this and other thread subjects, the words typed from most everyone, are hard to read.
I can "hear the crying, the confusion,and the changes that have happened to these once vibrant people who are thrown into the 24/7 cargiving role. People who have no help, who are deeply hurt, who feel left abandoned because they have been by family, friends, and basically the world, the world that keeps rotating and existing without them and they know it, they know no one wants to do the job they do so everyone stays away like the plague ... that hurts, deep. .... all because they are helping another human survive, and are still in the situation because they have found no better option yet .. .. reading how it stifles the inner being of who they are and the only place they feel safe to voice their thoughts is an online forum. It's heavy...this situation most of us are experiencing needs to change... needs to change.
Siblings? I can barely handle the thought of them, as they both are useless in helping with care for my mom. I have a group of friends who I was very close with who never experienced caring for an elder parent, and they would look at me with "new and judgemental" eyes whenever I talked of how horrible caring for my narcissistic, stroke-affected mother is. All they ever saw was how "sweet"' she was. I have a few friends who have lived through the horrible truth and reality of dealing with someone near the end of life who is angry and miserable...and they are the only people I can truly express myself around.
Tired1of4, You amaze me once again with your poignant words. You are absolutely right on so many levels and it is the heartbreaking truth. Our new realities we must surrender to. Trapped like a rat in a cage, watching our lives morph and change around a parent who needs our help and often cannot afford being (or wanting) to live in an expensive facility. We see little choice and just do the best we can. Yet here we are, looking for someone that will understand, we can relate to and listen to our cries so we don't feel alone in this world. Thanks for being you.
I think friends just don't know what to say or do. I think you have to keep being social yourself. I too feel friends slipping away. I may have to get new friends.
Hi Tired 104. Yes the situation needs to change. Agree with everything you wrote. How do change it is answered individually. For me, I'm just not ready to ask her to move to assisted or independent living because she's lived here so long. It would be cruel in my opinion . My 21 year old thinks she 's not ready for assisted living and too far gone for independent living. She does all ADLs. Hi Rainey. So right " trapped like a rat in a cage". So true. Thanks every one who responded. Glad we have this site
I think sometimes caregiving can actually make people stronger, physically exhausting but emotionally stronger. It's been difficult at times being the only caregiver for my 81 year old parent for four years now and having no social life, it's been lonely, as well as aggravating when you watch everyone else walk away and live their lives. I put myself in my dad's position and think how he must feel about that. I know how I'd feel to watch my children walk away from me and not even visit, it would hurt. Caregiving is an education as well, I also look at it like that. Once I got past the loss of my husband and my life being flipped upside down, I have learned so much in this process that I am thankful for and my dad has taught me. It's good to know that most likely given the little help I've had taking care of him, and no one visits either one of us, it's educated me clearly to see what my retirement is going to be like, likely similar to his if I don't make changes and prepare for that, still no one will visit, but I'll work on being more independent than my dad could be. The other education is all the paperwork, processes, how hospitals work and nursing care, various medical issues, and nursing facilities, I'm sorry but it's such a racket, 4,000 to 12,000 a month and that's outside of insurances? Then again I live in the worst state for nursing care. I will never have to see my dad in a wheelchair slumped over and pushed against a wall with dozens of other elderly people lined up all day long, with the entire hall smelling like a diaper pale. I will never have to see that again and he'll never have to live that way.
Caregiving is definitely grounding, no social life comes with that, I see it as a trade off. I'd been through a lot of loss the year before I suddenly became dad's caregiver out of nowhere, it grounded me in my life, kept me from making decisions I would have regretted, like moving away where I'd know, no one. It is a life changing choice, I don't know how anyone can get back to a family that abandons you either, but it is easy to get back to a social life, there has to be some social groups out and about for caregivers, maybe there should be, good idea. Meet up once a month as a small group, go see a movie, go bowling, etc... Hugs to everybody.
GrannySmith, your wisdom is greatly appreciated. The take-away lesson is that the generation older than all of us caregivers never expected to live as long as they are. One of my dear in-law elders, now deceased, was debilitated by COPD. She actually said this bluntly in front of a lot of us family: "If I'd known I was going to live this long, I would have taken better care of myself." And among those who never thought they'd 'live this long', there are many others who don't realize that dementia in its many forms is creeping up on them. My mother was one of those and hers was also related to COPD. I was POA for her and organized her Assisted Living and then Nursing Home care; then, took on the POA oversight of an elderly friend who was not related to me, until she died. A month after that, my husband had the stroke and that was my initiation into direct care once he was well enough to come home (months later). I'm POA for him now. I consider this last role an honor but it has taken away much of my professional identity and my freedom. It isn't the older folks (80s) who never thought this would happen to them. It's us.
I was reading this when my sister phone & we shared some pity party times we've had. She said after her husband died she went into her pity party & decided to start calling 2 couples for dinner. They could visit while she was getting dinner on table. She said her thoughts went to what will I serve them & setting a pretty table. Well I know my alz husband would be a little different but w 2 couples they could visit. I also decided I need to call a friend to go to lunch with while hubby is at day care. Well I will say nothing is better than a support group. We can dump on them as they understand. They can even give suggestions you might not accept from relatives. Just some new thoughts I now have to act on.
I know what it is like being a caregiver, my 👩 is in assisted living now but u still have to watch everything. Hang in there. and no parent should ever have to lose a child especially to suicide, I know I would never get over it if I lost my son. Blessings to you both.💝
everyone this is a two person disease that spreads. people will avoid you. you need to respect your own needs as well as theirs. stop blaming them for their and your limitations, cut back on the grocery bill. use that money to hire someone to watch your mother for an hour or two. invite a friend out to lunch. a movie. a hike and laugh and talk about anything but your mother. her disease talks not her. do not become part of it. she can't help it. pay attention to your husband hold him and smile. no mother wants you to suffer with her. remember to have a life. caretaker for 17 years. still smiling and holding the man I married and just accepting his disease. but I know how you feel because I do it alone. when I feel desperate I make a phone call to a neighbor and talk about anything but him.
I manage a loving and fulfilling relationship with my Rottweiler.
Everyone else? Not so much. Friends would ask me out/over and no matter how many times I said I'm tied to home because mom falls a lot, they expected me to make the effort to go out (and it requires effort- like one more chore) instead of them coming to see me. I have a separate place from mom, big yard, park across the street, I would even cook....but nope. Eventually, they stop calling at all.
Even my sibs who do try fall short and I have become bitter.
My dog is always there for me and asks so little in return. People should take a lesson from man's best friend.
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I've lost friends, relationships and jobs, but I'll keep going on.
I'm out of a job and have no money to pay for a coarse that will have a great impact on my rebuilding my career, but I am still going to look after my mother the same way.
I've been there for 11 years. Two months ago, due to my husband's continuous Alzheimer's and bi-polar decline, I had to put him in a nursing facility. I had become suicidal, didn't care one day to the next if I lived, and started to hallucinate. The doctor insisted change needed made and made soon. If you can Erin, I would suggest joining a local Alzheimer's counseling support group. Contact your health insurer. Most offer free programs. The problem with me was I had no one to watch my husband to attend counseling nor had family nearby to help. Now that he is in a nursing home, I am discovering through support groups, most caregivers experience the same resentments, exhaustion and loss of identity that we all do. Being with people that experience similar core issues in caregiving is very uplifting. There are ways to find oneself; to start liking yourself again. If possible, start an Action Plan taking a few hours one specific day a week to do whatever you like. Seriously, Erin, you must regain what you have lost. Stick to your Action Plan. You will be a better caregiver, a more interesting person to be around and surprisingly your attitude will be uplifted. You will find you have a lot to offer and talk about with family and friends. Join the local library, take an improvement course, plant a few flowers, share a long walk with a friend or neighbor, join a church group, community events. And, even though this may sound strange, how about volunteer work a few hours a week. Most hospitals, animal shelters, meals-on-wheels, etc., are always looking for help. Believe me Erin, you will feel better helping others. Your interests will broaden. As one counselor said; one must lose their past life to begin another. Transition is extremely difficult. However, transition is part of life and can be very rewarding. Love yourself first and caregiving with interests will follow. Hope this helps. For 11 years I went through and experienced every peak and valley known to man. There were days I did not know who I was, what purpose, if any, did this tiny speck of sand have in God's world, would anyone miss me if I died, would anyone care... We must be strong and willing to reach 'deep down inside' to find those answers. If you don't Erin, no one else can.
God bless. Be happy, be the person God wants you to be. Start taking one step for Erin and you will find the walk becomes easier.
I've just resigned myself to the situation. Mom could speak up, but chooses not to. I visit when I can, and I try to time the visits when I'm pretty sure the crazy ones are not there. I no longer trust them. I have friend to whom I talk things out when stuff happens that bother me.
It's sad, but I have learned that friends are family you get to choose. I'm more comfortable with them than my own blood. The silver lining in the whole painful episode is that I have a stronger bond with some other family members, which is something I've been wanting for a long time.
My mother remained sweet natured except on very rare occasions. That was a tremendous blessing.
The part that was hard was having to virtually assume her identity. We watched the TV programs she preferred because people being unkind to one another distressed her. We listened to her music. We ate what she wanted, which in the last year shrunk to only a handful of acceptable items. She did not like me to eat something different because she mimicked what I did to be sure she was doing it correctly. She would not go to bed unless I did, so 8:30 became my bedtime. It was a compulsion that we go for a drive every day usually for 45 minutes to an hour. She could not let it go.
I know I was blessed that she did not turn mean with this disease and I was blessed to have my phone lifelines. And even with those advantages it still was an exhausting, demanding experience. I do not know how long I would have lasted if she had turned mean.
You opened up a can of worms on this thread! LOL! I am willing to bet a whole lot of us out there are in this situation! From non helpful siblings living their lives to friends that know your current situation and don't want to be around "the geriatric zone." Can't say I blame them so much. It would take a former caregiver that was in a similar situation to understand, sympathize and occasionally come by to "make our day a little brighter." It's a lonely life for both caregiver and the one being cared for because even the best of us gotta get our time to regain our sanity, even for just a couple hours! Oh, not to forget our significant others that just get tired of hearing us vent our daily frustrations and how that relationship can be impacted as well. Yep, I am willing to bet their are going to be a lot of responses to this one! Only your REAL friends will stick by you, you will most likely meet new ones 😉 that will be there for you when you need it. Yes, my whole family is on non- speaking terms now because they never ever offered any help, just how much money can I try to get out of Mom and the jealousy she picked me over them. They have NO idea how lucky they really are.
None of my brothers or anyone involved)
Mom Alzihimer's has been living with me for almost 5 yrs.. I lost contact with all my friends due to my situation. This web-site has helped me in a great deal. I know, I am not the only one who is going through a this hardship.
I am also work as a part time and caring for my elderly (dementia ) mom.
I thank you for your wisdoms and an emotional support for all of you. Allison
In this forum, and in a physical caregiver's support group, is where you will find the most sincere, nonjudgmental and most satisfying support. You can already see from the responses that you are not alone in this difficult situation--there are many of us out there struggling to be a caregiver, struggling to have our own lives...and just struggling. People who have not gone through this can only understand up to a point. And then yes, they do get weary of hearing the day to day trials that you are going through, even when they care about you. They do get to the point where they don't know what to say. Before this happened with my mother, I cannot honestly tell you what kind of supportive friend I would have been to someone who was going through months and years of taking care of someone who loses ground in some way, day by day. I would like to think that I would be there, but I might come to the conclusion that I should try to "wean" a friend away from venting about their situation, without really realizing that venting is just what that friend might need to do. And when you pack on family drama into the situation (siblings who don't help or can't help) that intensifies the feelings of sadness, hopelessness and guilt. My 94 year old mother has Alzheimer's. I had to moved her out of her home to my home where she lived for a year, before I then moved her to a home care facility just this February. I am fortunate to have financial resources so I was able to get help to stay with my mom during the day so that I could go out and be with friends. But the thing is, even when you leave the house, you REALLY don't leave the house, if you get my drift. I found somedays when I was out, I struggled to have a good time. Everyone would ask how my mother was doing but basically my friends were getting together to enjoy themselves and each other. Some days I felt awful that I was out having cocktails and lunch with a friend group and my mother was waking up in a home with people who were not her family.
The first day I physically went to a support group, I instantly felt connected to people who knew and understood the myriad of feelings I was going through, and I in turn could relate to theirs. This support group focused on how WE felt, not on "how to's" for the person we were taking care of. Our facilitator skillfully made sure the everyone had a chance to speak so that it didn't become a one person counseling session. People cried unabashedly when they needed to, and the feeling of "you are not alone" was like a comforting blanket.
I work very hard to find balance in my life, even when I don't feel up to it. I make myself do things because I know I need to. I consciously work at not bringing up my mom in a social setting unless I am asked, and then I keep my report short. And occasionally I do ask a friend to listen when I really need to spill my guts...but I save my deep pool of despair to take to the relative strangers who bring theirs as well. That's what works for me.
I can "hear the crying, the confusion,and the changes that have happened to these once vibrant people who are thrown into the 24/7 cargiving role. People who have no help, who are deeply hurt, who feel left abandoned because they have been by family, friends, and basically the world, the world that keeps rotating and existing without them and they know it, they know no one wants to do the job they do so everyone stays away like the plague ... that hurts, deep. .... all because they are helping another human survive, and are still in the situation because they have found no better option yet .. .. reading how it stifles the inner being of who they are and the only place they feel safe to voice their thoughts is an online forum. It's heavy...this situation most of us are experiencing needs to change... needs to change.
people I can truly express myself around.
You amaze me once again with your poignant words. You are absolutely right on so many levels and it is the heartbreaking truth.
Our new realities we must surrender to. Trapped like a rat in a cage, watching our lives morph and change around a parent who needs our help and often cannot afford being (or wanting) to live in an expensive facility. We see little choice and just do the best we can. Yet here we are, looking for someone that will understand, we can relate to and listen to our cries so we don't feel alone in this world. Thanks for being you.
Caregiving is definitely grounding, no social life comes with that, I see it as a trade off. I'd been through a lot of loss the year before I suddenly became dad's caregiver out of nowhere, it grounded me in my life, kept me from making decisions I would have regretted, like moving away where I'd know, no one. It is a life changing choice, I don't know how anyone can get back to a family that abandons you either, but it is easy to get back to a social life, there has to be some social groups out and about for caregivers, maybe there should be, good idea. Meet up once a month as a small group, go see a movie, go bowling, etc... Hugs to everybody.
Everyone else? Not so much.
Friends would ask me out/over and no matter how many times I said I'm tied to home because mom falls a lot, they expected me to make the effort to go out (and it requires effort- like one more chore) instead of them coming to see me. I have a separate place from mom, big yard, park across the street, I would even cook....but nope.
Eventually, they stop calling at all.
Even my sibs who do try fall short and I have become bitter.
My dog is always there for me and asks so little in return. People should take a lesson from man's best friend.