I ask this question because there is such a correlation.............mental and physical status.
My husband died a horrible cancer death and I was constantly at his side. He was the love of my life. Due to his relentless pain, neither he or I slept and emotionally I felt like my heart was being crushed. I had tons of adrenaline going - especially for the final 6 months. The morning after his funeral, I woke in pain. Spine spasms non stop for many hours. I wasn't even able to move as it felt like every muscle in my body was cramping - like a leg cramp - everywhere! (I am never sick, not a complainer, this was entirely - not like me.') Anyway, the doctor at ER said that after prolonged adrenaline rush - months in my case -the funeral ended the adrenaline rush abruptly. In that case, a person may react in his/her weakest area. (My back had been bothering me for a few months previously but not a big deal). Anyway, that experience taught me a lot about stress. Any other experiences like this?
I retired at 61 and looked forward to a good retirement! It isn't happening! I've tried desperately to grant my parents wishes to stay at home until their death! Mom's money is running out even with me paying for lots of her expenses! Without God's help I couldn't go on! I keep praying my health will hold up but sometimes the stress gets me down! I had lower back surgery 3 years ago and retina surgery 2 years ago! I still have other back issues which I try to deal with!
I'm going to take this advice and take better care of myself! What would anyone else do if it comes to placing your parent in a nursing home?
I was a caregiver for my dad. It was brutal. I stayed strong until the end. When he passed, my back went out for 3 months, leaving me hospitalized with back spasms and even convulsions from the pain itself! I had to go to physical therapy for a very long time. I also had chest pain that led me into the ER. The EMT volunteer said that it was grievance pain.
When you lose someone you love with all your heart, your body does go through physical pain. Coping mechanisms and support helps a great deal. Everyone heals differently though.
While my beliefs are set that no, you cannot die from this, I do believe that your quality of life can. There's always that belief that you can die from a broken heart (like usually a year or two after the spouse dies, the other spouse passes too) -- but that's usually at a very old age and giving up the will to live. Your mind is very powerful -- more so than you think. When people mentally give up or accept the incredibly grievance pain -- it can be detrimental.
Sending you healing thoughts. I'm so sorry your going through this.
My Grandma was doing genealogy. Often she'd get frustrated. Apparently long ago, women, (caregivers to husbands and kids), would sometimes literally run away to another state, change their names, pretend they'd never been married, start a new life. That made her nuts trying to do the work she was doing. But she said she started to see that a lot of the ones who stayed were run into the ground pretty early. After their deaths, the man just married another younger one. Sometimes she didn't make it either, then another one. She was talking about "pioneer days", but it kind of made me think! :-)
feel I was just days away from a breakdown of some sort. He has been in NH for six months now and I am slowly starting to recover, of course, I am dealing with the guilt of placing him there, the worry of his diminishing health and his mental decline, visiting him as often as I can. So even though I am not physically having to deal with him the mental stress continues and most certainly effects my health. For most of my adult life, I have been hale and hearty - can count on my one hand the number of times I have been to Dr or been sick for the last 30 years - the past couple of years I have just been dealing with one health issue after another and I am sure that the burden of caregiving contributed to my poor health immensely.
My beloved Aunt passed away last year in May.I cated for her for years.She had cancer and jeat problems. She was my best friend she told me when she became ill she prefer the cancer got her before the dementia got worse.She didnt get her wish she was easy to cate for however watching her mind go was heartbreaking.She began to live wirh me in 2011.
Then in 2013 my mom was hit by a car
She and myself cared for my dad my Aunt during this time would come with me to assist her.Dad last stroke 2012 took his pysichal abilities he need to be assisted in every way.
Mentally dad was good then..
Feb 2014 my Aunt was hospitalized I told dad it was time we bring her home with hospice unless they found a cire for alsheimers it was wrong to put her through any more. And that was her wish.
April 2014 Dad tool a terriblr gall.I told mom he teally need to go to the hospital she disagreed
Got back to be with my Aunt luckly at the time my cousin was staying with us.
Worried about dad felt guilty I knew He should have went but my mom is difficult to deal with.
By morni g my son called 911 that aftetnoon dad was diagonois wirh a cerbal hmorrage and was ti have brain surgery.
Dad was released in May
He now was tube feed.My mom cant handle him alone my son helped alot for I was busy with my aunt.
My Aunt passed May 20
Dad had amother fall they told my mom at hospital she pyshically take cate of him due to the fact she is 78 and suffeted from much injuries from the car accident.
Dad was sent to tehab aka nursing home.
I told him I would clear out apartment asap and move into to help.
June he was released.
Sonce then I have pulled my back oiy sevetal times my mother refuses to pay for help. If I leave I worry evety minute she yelling at him or left him alone.
When I thete she take total advantage of me.
I have been dizzy blurred vision I am a constant wreck. I love my dad but I think it just may kill me.
Oh yeah ladt nigjt fad feel on me my arm is injutef again.
I have 2 brothers I think I will give them 30 day notice and leave they do not help
I jiust dont know anymote
I too had back spasms and went to the ER twice.
My sister and best friend died after 5 months battling brain cancer. She died December 23 and January 4, I went to the ER with pain that I can't describe. I thought I was dying. My blood pressure shot up and I could see.
After test doctors determined stress induced pain. I found acupuncture and talk therapy has helped,but the numbness in my leg is still there.
I''m learning to be kind to myself, I did the very best to care for my sister and the gift we had will help me heal. Breathe,Walk and Meditation.
Also have gained weight, it's like where on earth did THAT come from when I hop on the scale... hopping on the scale is my only exercise... how I miss hiking or going to the gym.
Well, it's 8pm so I better give my parents a call... usually it takes 12-15 rings before Dad can get to the phone. Wish my parents would have bought a new answering machine but five years ago Dad said he was going to fix the old one... still waiting. I even said for them to get Caller ID, at least know who was trying to call, but Dad doesn't want to pay the high cost.... high cost???
(My aunt had breast cancer and didn't follow up because she was trying to help her older sister with caregiving, so Freqflyer try to see the doc if possible)
My parents are the baby of the large family who got attention by complaining, and the middle child whose parents looked after everything, so I do feel like it's like looking after kids, sometimes.
I like kids, but I could have never managed my children at the same time.
xmorgan28.....is your mom paying privately for assisted living or was she approved for state assistance like Medicaid?
For years my sig other and I have told my parents we don't like driving their car because not only is it not user friendly but it also causes both of us to get motion sickness big time. No wonder I get sick the day before :P
I often wonder though if we caregivers can't die of a " broken heart". All the things we've given up to do this job; all our dreams, our homes, our careers, our lives. It's all so incredibly sad. How much loss and sadness can one human being take?
I never had children so now I feel like what a parent would be dealing with teenagers who have lost some common sense, except these teenagers are in their 90's :P
Are we having fun yet?
Take care of yourself first and then your loved one. It took me years to learn that!