Caretaker talks nonstop. How do I tell this girl to stop talking so much?

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Caretaker talks nonstop. How do I tell this girl to stop talking so much?

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My mother has a great new caregiver who really is a good fit. She cooks, cleans and handles daily activities for my mother. The big problem is she talks nonstop. I mean nonstop. So far my mother is not complaining too much. Just today she said “it’s bad”. She has early dementia and I just don’t want all the talking to cause her unnecessary anxiety. How do I tell this girl to stop talking so much? How in the world could she not realize that she’s talking nonstop? Even when she texts me she goes on and on!

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She may not be a good fit for your mother if she’s a dementia patient. Caregiver needs to tune into patient’s needs & not just gossip all day. It will eventually get on nerves of a dementia patient.

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When we talk to someone that is not going to respond we usually say it twice. Like to babies or animals. "You're a good dog, yes you're a good dog". Her last charge probably didn't talk and liked the constant chatter. I live alone and sometimes go out to a noisy restaurant just to hear some chatter. However you could give the caretaker a few questions to ask your mother and have her write down the answer. You mother wants to get a word in edgewise.

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Some of them are probably like a politician in a joke in which a woman asks her husband what the politician is talking about, and the husband answers "I don't know; he doesn't say!" Then there is the little boy who asks his mother what it means when the preacher looks at his watch....and the mother tells him "nothing"!

I've encountered people who resemble one or the other, or occasionally both!

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I hear you! I really do! While I had to live with my late mother to provide care for her, relatives visited us. The cousin's wife, who rode in the back seat of an auto with me talked NON STOP. I WAS WISHING THAT SHE WOULD STOP, BUT SHE NEVER DID. Perhaps you could tell this caregiver that your mom is a quiet-natured person and needs her rest.

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Is she a young girl, it could nervousness and insecurity and maybe needs reassurance that she is doing a good new job first thing and then if she is not settling down after affirming her in a few days , maybe to mention that your mother needs and does really well with "quiet time" and look for suggestions from her as to how to put this in place !. I know this so well, The carers coming to my mother used really irritate me so much when they seemed more interested in socialising when calling ( sometimes instead of work) and my mother would get left out. Its a big problem and my mother had hearing loss and missed out if too many people talking. I never fully solved it, I used to start activities like food prep etc to interrupt it and take my mother to another room to break it up. Its hard as the workplace and the home gets blurred and it is easy to cause offence. Ultimately to find a kind way of quietening her down. We had one very sensitive carer who used sit in another room and relax/read herself when the work was done to allow quiet time and check in quietly every so often. If she is good in other ways you have to balance as good caregivers can be hard to find. Not easy Good luck to you all x

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She is a caregiver, not a companion. But it might be helpful to your mom if the lady is engaging her, up to the point when this starts to infere with your mom's peacefulness.

Maybe just to mention to her that mom needs some quiet periods daily and determine those times. Go from there : )

Good luck to you and your mom!

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both for Mom and caregiver: BIRKMAYER,MD,PhD/ NADH /YOUTUBE...will help both. I have successfully handled dementia (ReCode/ Breseden,MD, neurologist...UCLA PRGRM. NADH IS INCREDIBLE.

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I think people who do this are not really able to control it that well. Someone made a good suggestion about playing music or putting on a movie. Or you can try headphones. I had a housekeeper like this and I used to wear headphones and pretend I couldn’t hear her. Eventually she left me alone. But I know it’s a problem!

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Oh my....I feel your pain. It seems that there are more and more people now days who talk WAY TOO MUCH. I'm not sure what it is. It really annoys me to no end. It seems that seniors are more prone to do this, but, there are some younger people that I know who do it too. Unfortunately, incessant talking is usually very hardwired into these people. It's not like they have a choice. You can try, but, I doubt that she would be able to curtail her chatty nature. It's actually quite sad. I might evaluate her services otherwise and see if it can be tolerated. You could buy some audio recordings of the Bible, poetry or something that your mom would enjoy and play it when she's around. AND insist that she not talk when the music or audio recordings are being played. Good luck!

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So, is she bothering YOU or your mom? Sounds like it's a YOU probably as you never stated your mom is upset about it.

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My mother will casually mention how Mary talked so much that day . She always asks me to not say anything because it might hurt Mary’s feelings !
Yes, It bugs the hell out of me that because of her talking obsession she might be wearing out my mother and sending her into a deeper dementia state faster??
Maybe I’m wrong about that?

Im not sure if compulsive blabbering has anything to do with it , but she has called out sick 3 times due to her IBS which she’s gone into great detail about on 3 occasions!

Have a great weekend my friends.

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So be frank with her. Tell her that the non-stop talking is upsetting your mom, who upsets you. You pay the caregiver her wages--make it known that while visiting with your mom is expected, giving her a headache and stomach ache isn't part of acceptable protocol with your mom or you. You are the caregiver's employer.

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It is exhausting to hear nonstop talking. I have had to be very direct with my niece and specifically ask her to stop talking for a while. I told her I couldn't concentrate on driving the car, or whatever task I needed to do, while she was talking all the time. She didn't realize she was doing so much talking. I think it's more than a personality trait. It may be ADHD or just HD and they can't control it without help.

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You cannot just "mention" it in passing like "Best-ever-caregiver-who-I-want-to-keep, you talk too much". Obviously you think you were gentle but the caregiver's response i.e. denial suggests that she took affront.

Do over. Be tactful. She obviously has a great work ethic. Apologize to her even you don't believe you said anything hurtful. Communication is two-directional. What you said and what she heard are two different things.

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Sounds like this is your caregiver's personality. She may need to know that mom needs a little more quiet. Ask your mom what would help her to feel calmer - direct conversation at mom with questions and pauses, allow mom more time to process comments with silence, switch from conversations to singing songs mom knows, allow the radio or tv to be played to fill the silence... Once you know, clue your caregiver in; she will appreciate your help. Please make sure to approach it as help and not criticism.

Also be aware that if mom has dementia, that mom's personality will change as her memories slip away. It is not unusual for dementia patients to develop personality "problems" as the disease progresses.

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The issue is that your mother cannot cope with the talking. It most likely really confuses her. It would do that to my mom and actually to me as well. My husband is a non stop talker and I sometimes in public I will just give him a sign that he is doing it again, just blabbing about nothing to fill the silence and irritating people. At home I just tell him I'm no longer listening as I'm still trying to process what he said before. He doesn't take offense and actually thanks me for calling it to his attention. I think the caregiver should be aware of how this affects your mother. Nicely, as otherwise she seems to have great qualities and is a keeper. We all have our quirks.

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I wished this worked with my sister!

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It's most likely a personality trait; you either take the bad with the good...or find someone else. I seriously doubt she can control it or change it, but it certainly might be worth a try in asking explaining that it is very challenging for someone with dementia. She may not see it that way. I would possibly ask the agency, if she is from one, how to handle it, or for THEM to handle it. And I would not wait. Fresh off an experience of using/trying an agency I know now what a fool I was because the person was "nice" to let her continue on. Should have probably discontinued after one visit when we got to know each other and were trying to engage mom when she mentioned a knee replacement in the past year... In my mind I went "Uh oh" because I knew bending/kneeling to clean low places was going to be a challenge or neglected...and that concern turned out to be the least of my problems with her...

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I know people who need the constant conversation....I am not one of them! LOL You're going to have to have a conversation with her and simply explain that your family is more on the quiet side and then ask if its going to be a problem for her to reel in her gift of gab.....

If she really talks as much as you say she does....this won't be the first time she has heard this. :-)

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She may be talking a lot because she is nervous.
If she is young she might not know that being quite is alright. So many young people do not know what to do with quiet. They are inundated with noise from phones, with computers, with all the "social activity" the idea that every thought must be communicated in some way.
If you like her and she is doing a great job then like any job you need to tell her. I am sure jobs that you have had after a brief time your manager has given you feedback on what you are going well and what needs improvement.
If you don't tell her she will never know.
Also with dementia it may take a person 45 seconds to hear a comment or question, process it then formulate a response. 45 seconds does not sound like a lot but it is an eternity when you want an answer.
Tell this caregiver that your mom needs time between statements to process and respond. This might help. And this is something that she will benefit from in this line of work.
Also tell her to keep texts short that when you are out and busy yourself you don't have time to read War and Peace the Cliffs Notes are all you need.
And tell her again that she is doing a good job.

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I would explain to her about the anxiety/medical situation that needs for there to be mostly silence in the home. Tell her its hereditary and affects you also!

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If she's a Great Fit and you like her, Just be Upfront with her and tell her that your Mom has asked for more quietness and you would love to keep her if she thought she could handle the Quietness.

I have just the Opposite problem with the Caregiver for my Dad, she hardly talks at all and I wish she would to help keep my Dad from falling in to la la land.

Like the saying goes, if you don't use it you lose it.

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Me, I would just sit down and have a talk with her. I would tell her that her constant talking does not allow your mother to have a mental break, a rest. Compliment her on the fine job she is doing. Some people are just nervous talkers, I have a friend like that, makes me crazy too.

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We’ve had such issues along these lines!
I echo a couple other of the folks, sidestep whether this gal talks too much and keep it ALL about your mom’s ability to process.
Maybe a set of ‘rules’ like a game: she gets to say two things. After mother speaks, she can say two more things. When mother doesn’t respond, don’t speak again until after she does.
See if she has a decent singing voice and knows songs your mother does, and she could sing instead? :)
Insist the TV stay on, Animal Planet or such, and mother is permitted to hear it.
I’ve had a heck of a time finding people who actually *understand* dementia people are different vs. just saying they do. And we’ve had to stop working with at least four ladies who couldn’t stop talking or who laughed too loud and often, it startles Mom and/or makes her paranoid.

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Good advice. Some people rattle on and on. One approach for current caregiver would be to have her thinking about making sure mom has enough time in a conversation to gather her thoughts and participate in the conversation. Explain how you would like her to be part of the ongoing rehab to keep her talking. I see my own mom have more trouble getting something said with the long winded folks - they don't really take a breath long enough for someone to get a word in. When I see her trying to say something, but the rattler is not slowing down, I say something...mom is trying to tell us something. (And my mom is pretty sharp, no dementia - she just tends to forget what she was going to say when the rattler won't give up the floor for someone else)

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Some people do just like to talk, they effectively verbalise their running thought processes and genuinely don't realise that this can be uncomfortable for others (and would be mortified if they thought they were upsetting someone). Agree with others here that a little bit of gentle redirection should hopefully be enough. Praise her excellent care, but explain that your mother can find it hard to respond to a lot of information, so quiet is even better if she can.

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My Mom was diagnosed 8-23 with early onset dementia. When I get home from work, she talks on and on, repeating things, and tell me things like I wasn't there...
She could use your sitter right about now.!
Seriously, maybe the sitter is nervous and trying to fit in, making sure your Mom like her..Talk to her about this and see if she'll calm down...Good Luck!

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Talk to Mom and See if She can Say Something, Like she has told you. If Not, You will have to be Polite and Explain about Mom's "Condition."

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Hi, the caregiver sounds amazing so you don't want to kill her spirit - it could be quite devastating. I suspect it could be nerves, or some other trait. So, I would definitely NOT make it personal. Do not tell her she talks to much, do not insult her in any way. Instead, ask her, "can I talk to you about mother?" (make it about mother) Then say something like "I need to talk with you about how mother processes information... etc... that mother can only process very very very small amounts of communication and therefore everyone tries to limit the amount of information". Make sure you heap praise. Don't let her go home thinking she's wrong in any way. I hope this works.

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Yes, commend first
Address issue saying what MOM said "it's bad"
Put burden on how it makes mom FEEL
Her living conditions need to be pleasant
If Mom needs/prefers peace and QUIET, she's the boss
Give caregiver a gentle warning that this chattering creates anxiety and needs to be curtailed. If not, MOM will be in need of a new person, which you'd rather not need to "go there."
Be gentle, but Frank
Mom has earned the right to be comfortable in her own home.
❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
M88

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Hi, would it be ok to put a radio headset on mom to block out the aide & relax mom?
Some folks luv music anyway. Or put the music on in the house so all can enjoy it.
When the talking goes on & on, just smile & tap ur foot 2the tunes! She may get tired of talking over music eventually. If not the radio, maybe t.v. wud work for curing it.
Good luck:)

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Sometimes in my line of work it was the CLIENT who wouldn't be quiet or would do something maddening like attempt to carry on a conversation with the staff person that was upstairs or down the hall and around a corner...we made it okay for staff to use headsets etc...especially if the client was listening to the TV loud...

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Thanks everyone, I did mention to the caretaker and she denied that she talks a lot ! I don’t understand how she could think she doesn’t ! During my initial interview I couldn’t get her to shut up but my mom liked her so I hired her .
Ugh

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Yeah, well, like I said.........some people are totally clueless about their own behavior!! Compulsive talking seems to be an issue that lots of folks refuse to recognize they are guilty of. I guess you'll have to fire her if the whole situation gets to be too much. I wonder how many other jobs she's been fired from?
On the same note, I run a babysitting agency. We have a sitter on board who is a compulsive talker. She's been spoken to MANY times about the fact that clients aren't hiring her to chat; they're hiring her to care for their children! She's not doing that if she's talking to the parents. 75% of the clients have asked that she not be sent back again. So we can only send her to limited homes to sit (ie: homes where the parents are out for the evening). She herself is the ONLY person who refuses to recognize she has a compulsive talking issue! Amazing, isn't it? Then she calls to complain she's not getting jobs, and doesn't understand why. Sigh

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Do so certainly and gently. Start with the good. Like "Janice, you are the best worker we ever had for Mom and she is crazy about you. But you DO talk a lot, and for Mom that is hard; she has a hard time just kind of sorting a lot of talk, and she is fairly quiet. I hate asking you this, because you are interesting and you are fun, and you are VERY skilled. But I have to ask you to try not to talk so much."

I have had times I had to have a hard interview while working. The best of them start with the wonderful. "You are such a leader. Others look to you and follow you. You finish before everyone else, and help others. NOW. Let me ask you why, when staffing is tight, you freak out so bad. Because everyone follows your lead. Then they ALL freak out. And it's chaos. I can't let you do that. So. Are you aware you do that? Is there a reason why? Let's trouble shoot this".

You know, we did. And the thing is, all I can remember for the most part is all the GOOD things I heard.
So gently and certainly. You shouldn't have to live with it and it will make you dislike a wonderful worker. Let her know. It could help her overall.

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Caretaker talks nonstop. How do I tell this girl to stop talking so much?

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