Our 86yr old neighbor is by himself along with a small dog. He has no wife or children. Just distant nephews in other states who do not contact him much, if at all. My wife is durable POA, medical POA and executor to his will. We have lived next to him for 30yrs and have always been there for him. He was taking care of a special needs female, as his background has been social work most of his life. This 40yr oldish girl recently left him. She charged up his Verizon bill, and other credit cards. He was upset by her departure with no warning. He was running dry with his checking account and running out of money. He gets an annuity and SS benefits.
Several months ago he came over the house to ask if we wanted to purchase his house and property. We have always spoke of it to him but told him just give us first refusal. We all consulted with an elder/real estate lawyer and he gave us the options of life estate and some other ideas. We couldn't make it work but did purchase 4 acres from him that was separately deeded. This gave him the cash he needed to pay some of his delinquent bills. Since then my wife has visited him every day. Assisting him with his bills and medical appointments.
She recently made an appointment for him at the doctor's for a glucose check. He is diabetic and we are fairly sure is glucose is never in check. At this appointment he was very defiant. He was upset and the entire clinic focused on him. I have never seen him like this. At a previous check with his PCP, (my wife accompanied) the doctor administered a cognitive test. He scored a 23/30. I am not sure of the meaning of the scale. He recommended he limit his driving. I have noticed he repeats himself all the time, and will ask why are we doing this, where are we going, etc. 5 min after I told him.
At this doctor appointment last week, the doctor notified our dept. of transportation to have him rechecked with his DL. She deemed him a driving risk. They never did check his glucose as he refused.
This dementia has seemed to accelerate since this girl left. He claims hes lonely, but does not want to move into apartments or assisted living. He would like someone to stay in his house, especially at night so its not so lonely. As I mentioned my wife goes over every night and we sometimes invite him over. His hygiene is good and he remembers tasks such as garbage, and getting mail, feeding the dog, etc. Medication is another story. He recently started Arecept.
I don't know what to do at this point. I have my own mother to care for as she is still independent but 87yrs old. His one nephew from out of state has been calling lately but I think its because he realizes his uncle may pass on shortly. I do not trust him nor does our neighbor. Hence why he made my wife POA and changed his will. Years ago our neighbor fell on the ice and spent days in the hospital and rehab. Not once did any nephew or niece drop by. Same goes for when he had cataract surgery and his pacemaker.
Sorry this is so long but what options are there? Thank you.
I think we are in that grey area where he is lucid enough to make most decisions for himself but at the same time forgets things that would be common to most. Even the attorney said its tough getting someone to give up there basic 'home' rights. It is usually taken away after something tragic happens.
The case worker from the clinic he had his meltdown in called yesterday and mentioned a few options but diverted to the local Area on the Aging. She said some red flags they look for are, not taking medication and wayward driving skills. We heard from that rep yesterday and will should know more by the end of today. With the fact that DOT will be contacting him to address his driving skill, sugar levels, and medication regiment, the system may take over and deem him not fit to live by himself. My wife does not, nor me feel comfortable on making him leave his home. But we don't want him to become a ward of the state either.
Regarding your durable PoA, I don't know the law in PA but you may not require any proof of incapacity to make decisions in his best interests, whether he is cooperative or not. If he's repeating himself that often, his short term memory is shot and you can't be certain he is even remembering to eat...that's what triggered us to transition my MIL into a care facility.
I recommend you get him into a great place now that has the spectrum of care (from AL to Hospice so that he never has to be moved out) and has Medicaid beds, because he will eventually need to go onto that, most likely. The facility can't kick him out once he goes onto Medicaid, but you need to ask first if they accept it. Some good places have waiting lists. Facility residents who go onto Medicaid get first dibs on those rooms, so he won't have to wait too long (FYI they are double rooms, not private and they get all the same care, food, attention, etc, just like my MIL does). Good luck and don't feel guilty for any reason.