I am 43 & caring for my 91 yr old mother. I can't go anywhere because she requires insulin injections & no one else can give them. Hopefully some respite care will get approved through Medicaid soon but they do not cover injections. I am losing my mind.. No other family to help out.
First steps would be looking for a Private Duty Caregiver that can give insulin shots, monitor glucose levels, blood pressure, diet, etc., - Caregivers through agencies are limited per policies.
You can place a caregiver Ad with specifics on care needs and hours on Craigslist or Care.com, and make sure to check backgrounds, etc.
If you can schedule coverage for when you are off from work to get time to rest yourself, that would help you have time for yourself as you need to care for you too!
Let us know how it goes! Live-in care givers are the best to have, I have found as you do not have to worry about them showing up to work on time, getting back home on time for them to go home, etc. Just start time when they come in for shift, and when they are going home for day or two off, some like to live-in 24/7.
So hang in there it isn't what we expected our lives to be, but with a little help we will all get through it. My prayers are with all of you, for each other and for our aging love ones.
June 1st, I had literally given up asking, begging, threatening fam for help...even alerting them of the finalized details of my suicide plan. I had given up and even set up the date for Friday. But, there was also a part of me that did Not want to die. So, I remembered this site, got on it and posted for Help.
I will say that between commentors here and my one-time therapy, that I had to accept some very hard advice. You hit it on the nail - all based on Your Perspective.
1. My family does not care for me. Therefore, I need to care for me. (therapist)
2. My siblings have the Right Not to Care for parents. (Hard to swallow at the time)
3. To avoid the constant stress/depression of fam Not Helping, I need to separate
myself from siblings. Very difficult to do but it does really work!
4. We - you and I - Chose to Care for our parents. If we did not, we wouldn't be
here.
5. Times like this, only Other Caregivers can appreciate and understand our
stress. And can give us Excellent Advice.
How we respond to the advice is how we will handle the stress of caring for parents. It won't lessen the load, but it will help us with US. I need to be really careful of the "me". Because I'm still suicidal, I need to keep alert to the pressures. I just recently had a bit of depression and one regular commentor on this site noted my "lack" of comments. It was she who alerted me that I was again going down the "depression" path. I had even posted on my thought of the day: Life Sucks!. You would have think that would have alerted me that I was going downhill.
So, I'm just saying, it's very important to re-adjust your perspective - daily! You all take care! (Connie, go for it - with the RV trip!)
When you hit the point its even harder to find help or people that care. I even tried making a post on this site to see if anyone has been through what I'm going through but only 3 people cared enough to reply. (and I thank them so VERY much for their replies!)
My point is, please do whatever you can to make things easier for yourself. I dont wish whats happened to me on anyone.
I just dont want anyone else to ever go through what I'm going through and when she said that she feels like shes loosing her mind I recall that feeling and wanted to fully encourage her to reach out on all levels to get the help that she needs.
I am an only child and have been caring for my mom for a year or so. She has Alzheimers and vascular dementia. Every day is a challenge for me.
I live through the internet and do a lot of gardening. I also have hummingbird feeders. You would be surprised at how much time you can spend just watching different aspects of nature. I am able to spend a lot of time entertaining myself being an only child. My husband is a jewel and makes dinner every day. Mom has good and bad days. With time you will be OK!
Hugs to you. Now we know what life was like in the old days! Tonio999
I have posted on several threads/discussions. I read your thread but since I'm still struggling to keep my head up in the water - I didn't think it applies to me. So, I didn't post. Sorry...about that...but sometimes, I try to not remember THAT day cuz it was one very scary time for me. Take care!!!
Jasmine, You can also go to other areas on the AD site here to put up post where other people may view your post. Areas like, 'How was your day,' or 'caught mom using my toothbrush.' Just dropping a few lines in those areas can allow other people that may have gone through similar situation that can offer some advice or just a friendly chat. btw, welcome to the board if I have not already had the chance.
Toni999, sorry that your mom had both AD n vascular dementia. U r so right about the Mother nature stuff n how it can be entertaining. I only have one hummy this year but its better than none n I luv digging in the dirt too. You r so lucky your hubby cooks everyday, wow! Mine only knows how to make spam sandwiches n I cannot stand spam, yuck!
Bookworm, Your post on here sometimes helps us n we need you here as well as you need us so don't go do anything crazy. I have felt the same way n was plotting mine as well n then thought who world would take care of the mil? My hubby, yeah right! It can get to you sometimes n I do take a small dose of prozac for a few years. We r only human n can only do so much. That is why if anyone can get some sort of Respite care break or a few hrs break away makes a huge difference. Just seeing other people outside was awesome to me n now with this site is really great on days that I cannot get out because of the mil. I am so glad u r still on the site n didn't go through for how would we keep us all in check n look at u now, you r giving advice when u can n that is awesome. Hell, all us caregivers r all awesome n I think everyone needs to take a few minuets n pat themself on the back. For other people have no clue.
Haroldine, welcome to this site n it is a great place to chat, vent, n education. My time is in the evening time n I guess because I have dealt with stuff all day n it just builds up. I must had forgot to go outside n get in my car with the music loud n just scream to get it off my chest. it helps. Also for those who r new at this caregiving with someone with AD or Dementia their is a great book that I call it my second bible n someone from online here had mention it to me. It really help me to understand about the disease or at least sometimes for I am only human. ; )
It's called, "The 36-Hours," by Nancy L. Mace & Peter V. Rabin.
I reccomend it to anyone new to caregiving. You can get it at a bookstore or sometimes u can get it free from your local Alz.org if they have any left over.
How do I keep from going crazy? I have learned from here to buy headphone sets when the mil is whispering cussing moods. I have learned that everything don't have to be perfectly in place or in order for it will be their for me another day. : ) Hope these little tips out someone out n everyone can get a good night rest.
The way I cope with all the problems is to do my best to be here and now. Because that is really all I can do. Anything else is just a story in my head.
I can handle here and now, I can't handle fears and what-ifs. Thank you.
In counseling they will maybe to teach you to see that you cannot change your mother, you can only change how you deal with her. It's the simplest, yet hardest thing to understand. Good luck to you.
One option would be to have a second paid caregiver. Can she afford that?
Going back to skilled nursing care is also an option. When two people or even more are needed for a specific care task, they are available. You would be her advocate, see that she gets good care, visit her often, and cheer her up, but not have responsibility for lifting, transferring, or toileting her.
Maybe with more therapy she would be able to come home with a single caregiver. Stay open to that possibility. But Parkinson's and dementia are both progressive diseases, and you can expect them to get worse.
What his Grandma's attitude about being in her home vs being in skilled care?