Just wanted to start a discussion about this very important topic.
I have been married for nearly 18 years and adore my husband. The stress of looking after my parents (even though they are in an AL facility two miles down the road...big mistake...far too close) is wearing thin on the both of us.
My mother has become so damn needy its beyond annoying! All she wants is to be with family.
She wants me to bring her over to our home just to "hang out".
While this isn't an impossibility I honestly don't have time for it as she will expect me to visit with her. She won't just 'hang out'.
My dad continues to stay in the hospital for his depression but is improving.
I understand her neediness but its become a problem.
I am so stressed out on getting that daily phone call, taking mom to see dad, hearing her whine, never bothering to participate in anything at her facility, feeling sorry for herself ...now is rejecting the upgrade on her cable.
Tough love is much needed now as I must save my marriage. My husband is a gem but he can only last so long with this.
I actually thought about giving him a divorce to protect him from this nonsense but that was just my crazy thinking (shows you how far I am getting.)
I love him too much but I also love him too much to put him through this shit!
God knows how much longer it will rob us of a life.
And its just not fair to be honest! WTH? They had their life. They had their travel time, their homes, their fun. Where is our fun? Our travel?
I know I must get tough with this. I have even found them a better AL place with more activities 9 miles from us. Mom has become beyond silly. "I can't be that far from you all" but hey...living nearly 200 miles away for over 25 years was OK. Unreal.
Anyway, I have whined enough.
How do you cope with your parents and balance your marriage?
Thanks
Its been a real nightmare because I am overseeing my dad's mental health as well at the hospital. She's become a needy nightmare. The AL facility are awesome!
And I taking full advantage of all their services! Can't do this anymore.
Thank you everyone!
MIL I one of the greediest selfish lying people to get their way I ever seen the doctors and threatened to out her in a senior care unit for 2 weeks because of mental problems
Nobody on either side of family would help and I have heart trouble instead they all knew mil is a habitual liar but chose to believe her and because of this the sister in law due to her crap had been made take her mom and deal with her I have came to the point I don't care what the families believe I am the one who lived thru the lies and deceit of this woman and don't feel any remorse to send her to her daughter who never wanted to help because they had a bad past and didn't get along
I am slowly trying to make amends with my husband, who is SO burnt to a crisp by my father that we just do not speak of him. We all wish we could turn back time for a "do over"!?! We just have to make a conscious effort to make our spouses and kids number one as much as possible now!!!!
Oh how I wished I would have found this forum 7 years ago instead of 2 years ago, I would have done things so very different. But I think we all go into this saying we are going to help not realizing it will turn into a major situation down the road. If only I had a crystal ball.
Have a look at the book. I'm dealing with a similar situation with my husband, my inlaws, and my marriage right now. You have more control than you think! They're your parents and you're the only one who can establish healthy boundaries between you and your parents.