I have become increasingly dissatisfied with my job situation. I have been working at my job for nearly 20 years, am well paid, have excellent benefits and some flexibility with scheduling, as my supervisor understands that I am sole caregiver for my mom with dementia. I am 59, so not quite old enough to retire yet. I wish I was because I just can't stand my job anymore for reasons I won't go into. I also have zero time to actually search for and apply for new jobs because in my spare time I am caring for my mom.
Lately I have started to think that I could quit my job next year, take some time off (have enough saved to live job-free for about 2 years) and have enough time to do a proper job search. Getting paid to take care of mom is my worst case scenario, in case I can't find a job that I enjoy. We would of course consult an elder law attorney, draw up a contract, etc because I am mindful of the possibility that mom may some day need to apply for Medicaid.
She is 82, has mild dementia and will probably live for many more years as she is in generally good health. She currently has 3 caregivers, one who works 5 hours a week, another who works 15 hours a week and a third who works 25 hours a week (two overnights). I would replace the ones who work a total of 20 hours a week and of course pay myself for things that I have been doing for her without pay.
Curious if any of you have done this, what it was like, what the advantages/disadvantages were ... Again it's a worst case scenario situation for me. My preference is to leave the job where I am dissatisfied and eventually find something more enjoyable for the last 6-11 years of working life that I have left.
Waiting 2 years to get back into the job market at your age is a fools errand. Let's face it age discrimination in regards to employment is very real and none of your employers are going to care that you took off for 2 years to take care of mom. In fact that 2 year gap will be more detrimental to you.
If you hate your job start looking for a new one while still employed. It is easier to find a job when you are employed than when you are unemployed.
The very last thing I would do is quit my job to care take, it is to me the worst of all options.
Spending 4 nights a week and weekends with your mother is a personal choice, if you feel stretched cut back on the visits.
You are talking about a formal employment contract, with wages. Can think of many pros: obviously income for you, employment history, varied routine & hours plus also dignity for your Mother to pay her way (important to some).
Cons: 🤔 Mission creep is the biggest I think. Being a relation means you literally have more 'skin in the game'. You will be automatic backup to any other aide, delivery or service. Needs will increase / change, but you sound capable & accepting of this. (Some folk seem to imagine a cruise type existance of cocktails on the porch or something!)
I found the *blend* of roles too.. um... much. While I was happy to lend a hand, I was pulled in up to my eyeballs & nearly drowned. It would not have mattered if paid or not. It was not sustainable as boundaries were not clear or kept. I had to keep resisting which was energy sapping.
If you are clear about your boundaries & role, it may work well ☺️.
But (always a but..) I am concerned you talked of not being free until such a distant time in the future. Living where you don't want for a long time.. you could get stuck (unless the city/town/people grow on you?)
Leaving a job is big - but you want to anyway. Take 3-6 months & reassess?
This statement you made is confusing.
I would have COBRA for the first 18 months and then hope to get a job that would provide me with medical coverage after that. Otherwise, I would need to pay for health insurance out of pocket. Mom could give me 4 weeks paid vacation and go into assisted living for those 4 weeks to give me a break.
COBRA in my area is roughly $900 a month. And it is out of pocket.
Establish boundaries, back away from care for mom. Spend that time finding a job you will enjoy more.
You moved to be closer to a mother who didn't provide good care to you as a kid. You are resentful and burnt BECAUSE you gave up a life, job and place you loved to provide management and oversight and now your are thinking about quitting your job to provide MORE care????
How about using mom's more than adequate funds, move her into a good assisted living facility place and hire a geriatric care manager locally? Or move mom to an AL near where you WANT to work and live?
How about you give yourself and YOUR wants and needs some consideration?
PS, if mom can go into AL for respite for a month, then she can do that while you mount a job search somewhere.
In terms of her not being a great mother, no one is perfect. I have lived most of my life putting myself first and doing exactly what I wanted and to be honest, I think that is overrated.
If you read my post again, you may notice that my intention is to quit my current job and find a job that I would like for the last few years of my work life. There are no guarantees though, so I may or may not be able to find a better job. I mentioned that taking care of mom would be my worst-case scenario, in the unlikely even that I can't find a job.
The intention of my post was to get feedback from people who have taken care of their parents and gotten paid to do it.
To be honest, I am already burned out, been taking care of her since my father died 18 months ago and have a lot of resentment because she really didn't take great care of me when I was a child. My dad was more involved with my care. I'm an only child, so there's not much of a choice here. I have to be involved in her care. None of the solutions are perfect here. I have no more dreams left. I am exhausted. I've had to move from a place I love to be able to help her so that I am currently living in place I would rather not live, working at a job that I dislike, and taking care of her in my spare time. I have no friends nearby and very little pleasure and good times in my life. Right now my only dream is thinking about the day she passes away so I can have my life back.
My recommendation would be to leave your current job, but dedicate yourself to finding a new one. Don't think that caring for your mother is a long term solution as you will need to be financially secure for your future.